The 16 Myers-Briggs Types as Terrible Life Coaches

Ever had one of those days when you’re this close to getting your life together? Now imagine someone swoops in to help… but it’s your personality twin from the dark side. Picture your biggest personality flaw cranked up to 11, and you’ve got yourself the perfect recipe for a well-meaning, trainwreck life coach. 

Let’s see how the unhealthy versions of the 16 personality types would spectacularly fail at “fixing” your life. Brace yourself, it’s about to get messy.

ISTJ: Life Coach or Audit Officer?

Your ISTJ life coach sits across from you, carefully highlighting every single misstep you’ve ever made. They’ve brought a spreadsheet. They’re adding more columns as you speak. Each cell represents one of your failures, like an Excel-based scrapbook of your incompetence.

Want to explore your passion? Great. First, fill out these forms, schedule your passions in a Gantt chart, and remember: no deviations. Ever. If you dare suggest “going with the flow,” expect a 30-minute lecture on how that’s how civilizations collapse.

Their Accidental Redemption Arc: But, hey, if you can survive the audit of your soul, this ISTJ coach does know how to build a solid game plan. They’ll help you turn your chaos into a step-by-step journey towards your goal. And let’s be real—sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

The Unhealthy ISTJ’s Bad Advice

• Tells you to “just follow the rules” when your problem is that the rules are suffocating you.
• Insists that you should save every dollar instead of taking that once-in-a-lifetime trip you’ve been dreaming of.
• Advises you to stay at a soul-sucking job because “it’s stable.”
• Tries to fix your heartbreak by making you reorganize your kitchen cabinets.

ISFJ: Life Coaching, But Make It Codependent

Your ISFJ life coach shows up with a tin of homemade cookies and a blanket, ready to wrap you in safety. Sounds great, right? Well, brace yourself. Things are about to get…interesting.

Suddenly, you’re not getting practical advice—you’re getting a full-blown performance of aches, pains and existential sighs. They’re complaining about how no one appreciates them, then turning around to do everything for you anyway—perfectionism mode activated. Change? Not today, Satan. They’re gripping the steering wheel of life with white-knuckled determination, nagging you to do the same.

Meanwhile, you’re trying to talk about your goals, but they’re too busy micromanaging everything to hear you. And God forbid you try to take a risk—they’ll read you the riot act about how “safe and responsible” is always better than whatever nonsense you’re plotting.

When They’re Actually Awesome: But when ISFJs are in a good place—when they’re rested, feeling appreciated, and not trying to be everything to everyone—they’re magical. They’ll remind you that being grounded doesn’t mean being stuck, and that asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. They’ll still bake those cookies, too. But they’ll let you enjoy them without smothering your dreams.

The Unhealthy ISFJ’s Bad Advice:

• Urges you to put your goals on the backburner because “someone might need you soon.”
• Encourages you to volunteer for every project at work, even though you’re one meltdown away from collapse.
• Tells you to stay in your cozy rut—forever—because change is just too… messy.
• Recommends you keep everything perfect and polished, even if it’s killing you inside.

ESTJ: Marching Orders for Your Soul

ESTJ life coaches don’t do pep talks—they do marching orders. They’ll have you up at dawn, running laps around your feelings, and wondering why you ever asked for help in the first place.

“Feelings? No time for those. We’re building an empire—now MOVE!” They’ll have you setting quarterly goals, daily micro-goals, and possibly fire you from your own life if you can’t keep up.

A Glimmer of Hope: Underneath that tough-love tirade, there’s a heart that wants to see you win, and badly. ESTJ coaches can show you how to turn your scattered energy into a laser-focused game plan. You might end up sweating, but you’ll be better for it.

The Unhealthy ESTJ’s Bad Advice

• Pushes you to wake up at 5am and start a productivity sprint, even if you’re so sleep-deprived you’re hallucinating.
• Demands you set 10 measurable goals before you’ve even figured out what you actually want.
• Tells you to “suck it up” if your emotions get in the way of “winning.”
• Says the only way to be successful is to do exactly what they did.

ESFJ: Goals With a Side of Gift Bag

The ESFJ coach’s office looks like a Pinterest wedding. Flowers, snacks, an entire mood board of “You Got This” quotes. You’re pretty sure you’re at a baby shower, not a life coaching session.

You’re trying to talk about your goals, but they’re already planning your next five birthday parties. And let’s be honest—your goals are now their goals, and you’re pretty sure you’re just along for the ride.

When They’re Surprisingly Effective: But when they’re not playing event planner, ESFJ coaches can be your biggest cheerleader. They’ll hype you up, smooth out your insecurities and make sure you’re never alone in the journey.

The Unhealthy ESFJ’s Bad Advice

• Encourages you to consult every friend you have about your life decisions—until you’re paralyzed by 12 opinions.
• Suggests you choose the job everyone thinks is impressive, even if you hate it.
• Recommends you smooth over conflict at all costs, even if it means never getting what you actually want.
• Urges you to keep up with your social calendar so religiously that your personal growth goes to the bottom of the to-do list.

ENTJ: Motivating You Into an Early Retirement

Your ENTJ life coach will have you taking cold showers at 5am, drinking coffee strong enough to melt your fillings, and crushing it… at everything but your soul. They’ll sit you down with a whiteboard and outline your “empire,” ignoring the fact that you’re just trying to survive your Tuesday.

You’ll leave sessions with a 10-point plan to dominate the world and zero idea how to feel anything besides “aggressively unstoppable.” If you say you’re feeling burnt out, they’ll tell you that’s just weakness leaving the body.

Their Accidental Redemption Arc: But when they’re not steamrolling your inner child, ENTJ coaches can light a fire under you like nobody else. They’ll push you out of your comfort zone and show you what you’re really capable of—like a motivational boot camp you didn’t know you needed. On top of that, healthy ENTJs can be pretty insightful about the deeper aspects of life, too. They won’t just motivate you, they’ll motivate you towards meaning.

The Unhealthy ENTJ’s Bad Advice

• Pushes you to triple your income this year—no excuses—ignoring the fact that you’re still emotionally depleted and lost in your relationships.
• Recommends you treat your relationships like mergers and acquisitions.
• Suggests you cut anyone who’s “not on your level” out of your life immediately.
• Thinks burnout is a badge of honor, not a red flag.

INTJ: Rebuilding You From the Blueprints Up

An INTJ coach isn’t interested in your messy feelings. They’re interested in your systems. They’ll have you tearing down your life like a house with mold—only to rebuild it exactly the way they think it should be.

They’re allergic to emotional clutter, so they’ll ask you to trade your vulnerability for bullet points and flow charts. If you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on, tough luck. They’re too busy perfecting your future to care if you’re having an existential meltdown in the present.

When They’re Surprisingly Effective: But if they manage to ground themselves, INTJs can be incredible guides. They’ll help you see the hidden connections in your chaos and turn your scattered thoughts into crystal-clear strategies.

The Unhealthy INTJ’s Bad Advice

• Tells you to abandon your passions if they don’t have a five-year ROI.
• Pushes you to intellectualize every decision—feelings are just static, apparently.
• Urges you to become so self-reliant that you forget you’re human.
• Insists that your only path forward is through endless self-improvement—like you’re some never-ending software update.

ENFJ: The Motivational Speaker You Didn’t Hire

The ENFJ life coach sees your life as one big heroic story—like you’re about to lead a revolution. They’re all about the vision, the mission, the spark. But if you’re hoping for practical advice, you might be waiting a while.

They’ll keep asking how your choices “serve the greater good” when you’re really just trying to decide between DoorDash and cooking at home. Their goal will be to make you believe that you’re meant to change the world, even if you’re just trying to get through the week without crying. And if you’re not ready to save humanity today, don’t worry—ENFJs will have you signed up for a conference tomorrow.

When They’re Actually Magical: At their best, ENFJ coaches can help you see how your personal journey fits into the bigger picture. They’ll cheer you on, lift you up and make sure you never feel like you’re in it alone—like a hype squad with actual depth.

The Unhealthy ENFJ’s Bad Advice

• Checks out whenever you start talking too much about concrete details.
• Suggests you treat every decision like a global campaign strategy—forgetting the real you in the process.
• Pushes you to not speak the truth because you don’t want to rock the boat.
• Insists they know you better than you know yourself.

INFJ: The Mystic Who Forgot Your Mortgage

An INFJ life coach will make you feel like you’re talking to a spiritual guide—except you’re still stuck in the same old job, just with a better vocabulary for your feelings. They’ll intuit your soul’s longings… then get lost in a metaphorical forest of “what ifs.”

You’ll spend sessions exploring your childhood wounds and their mystical implications, only to realize you forgot to pay your rent. They’ll almost convince you that your quarter-life crisis is a hero’s journey.

The Beautiful Twist: But when they find their footing, INFJ coaches can help you navigate the trickiest emotional mazes. They’ll make you feel like you’re not just a mess—you’re a work of art in progress.

The Unhealthy INFJ’s Bad Advice

• Suggests you wait for a cosmic sign before making any decision.
• Gets so stuck analyzing hypothetical meanings that they miss what’s right in front of you.
• Gets so lost in interpreting your dreams that they forget you still need to eat lunch.
• Encourages endless introspection instead of… you know, actually doing something.
• Urges you to be so gentle with yourself that you never take any risks.

ESTP: Coaching You Off the Cliff (Parachute Optional)

Imagine an ESTP life coach telling you to just “wing it” with everything from your career to your love life. Need to figure out your five-year plan? Nah, let’s skydive first and see if the answer hits you mid-air.

They despise long-term planning—if it’s not exciting right now, it’s boring. You’ll leave each session with adrenaline in your veins and no roadmap in sight.

Their Accidental Redemption Arc: But if they remember to take a breath, ESTPs can help you break out of overthinking and just start. They’ll remind you that sometimes, action is the cure for analysis paralysis.

ESTP Bad Advice in Action

• Tells you to quit your job on a whim because “you’re too talented to be bored.”
• Pushes you to start a risky side hustle… without bothering with a safety net.
• Suggests you “talk your way in” to a new opportunity, even if you’re wildly unprepared.
• Encourages you to blow your emergency fund on an epic trip because “you’ll figure it out later.”

ISTP: The Life Mechanic Who Lost the Manual

The ISTP life coach is basically Mr. Miyagi without the patience for teaching you how to wax the car. They’re stoic, elusive and immune to small talk. Need a pep talk? Forget it. They’ll just toss you a wrench and expect you to figure it out.

You’ll spend half the session wondering if they’re even paying attention, and the other half realizing they’re taking mental notes… just not about your feelings. They’re here to help you “fix” your life, not talk about it.

When They’re Actually Kind of Brilliant: But when they’re feeling generous, ISTP coaches can teach you to trust yourself. They’ll show you that most problems can be solved with clear eyes and a steady hand—no frills, no fuss.

The Unhealthy ISTP’s Bad Advice

• Tells you to ditch therapy—why bother when you can tinker with a new hobby instead?
• Urges you to ghost anyone who asks for emotional vulnerability.
• Suggests you drop your goals if they’re not paying off immediately.
• Pushes you to test every risky idea because “it’s the only way to learn.”
• Tells you to keep your feelings locked up—no one needs to see that mess.

ESFP: Coaching Your to Dance While Rome Burns

The ESFP coach will have you turning your life crisis into a dance party. You’ll show up for deep personal insights, and they’ll hand you a sparkly drink and a playlist instead. For them, succeeding is all about “Seizing the day!” even if you’re seizing it into a hangover.

They’re sure the secret to happiness is in the next big adventure—no pause button needed. You’ll be too busy having “fun” to notice your life is still on fire.

But When They’re Actually Grounded: They’ll remind you that life is meant to be lived, not just planned. Sometimes a little fun is exactly what you need to remember your spark.

ESFP Bad Advice in Action

• Tells you to blow your last paycheck on a spontaneous weekend trip.
• Pushes you to skip your obligations because “life’s too short for boring stuff.”
• Tells you to choose the exciting option, even if it’s an obvious disaster.
• Advises you to skip planning altogether—plans are boring anyway.

ISFP: When Paying Rent Is Too Mainstream

Your ISFP life coach will have you painting your feelings instead of paying your bills. They’ll tell you to “just follow your heart,” which sounds lovely in theory but often translates to “spend your rent money on watercolor supplies because rent is a man-made construct anyway.”

Practical advice is beneath them—it’s the sort of thing that would harsh the vibes, and god knows we can’t have that. Meanwhile, your life is on fire and they’re gently strumming a guitar in the corner.

When They’re Actually Magical: If they’re balanced, ISFP coaches can help you reconnect with your creativity and authenticity. They’ll remind you that your intuition matters—and so does your well-being. They’ll listen without forming opinions and offering unsolicited advice. They can help guide you back to your authentic self in the chaos of external expectations, rules and obligations.

ISFP Bad Advice in Action

• Encourages you to jump ship on every plan that starts to feel stale.
• Tells you to wander aimlessly until inspiration strikes, no matter how much debt piles up.
• Pushes you to see every conflict as proof that no one really understands you.
• Tells you to quit your job because jobs are cages and cages kill the soul (but also, who’s paying for groceries?).

ENTP: Who Needs Answers When You Have Arguments?

An ENTP life coach is basically a walking think tank—until you realize you’re the guinea pig. They’ll challenge everything you say (and everything you didn’t even think to say), leaving you feeling like your life is one big pop quiz.

Every session turns into a brainstorming free-for-all: no idea too outlandish, no tangent too long. You’ll leave each session with a thousand ideas… and zero clue which one’s worth doing.

Their Accidental Redemption Arc: But if they actually let you finish a thought, ENTP coaches can help you break out of stale thinking and see new possibilities. They’re the masters of reframing—if you can handle the chaos.

ENTP Bad Advice in Action

• Encourages you to start arguments just to “test your logic” and “toughen you up.”
• Suggests you start three new projects at once to “see what sticks.”
•  Suggests you skip the boring, “safe” path because it’s obviously for people without a soul.
• Advises you to turn your life into an experiment—no safety goggles required.

INTP: Overthinking Your Way to Nowhere

Your INTP coach will have you lost in a fog of existential thought experiments before you even finish explaining your problem. You’re looking for a roadmap. Meanwhile, they are dissecting the concept of roads altogether.

They’ll forget to ask you how you’re actually feeling, because obviously, feelings are optional. Action? Meh. Theorizing is way more fun.

When They’re Actually Helpful:  When they’re balanced, INTP coaches can help you find fresh, creative solutions to your stuck places. They’ll show you that thinking outside the box can be a superpower—if you ever leave the box.

INTP Bad Advice in Action

• They’ll sit there with that polite half-smile, hoping if they nod enough you’ll stop talking about your emotions and start discussing something useful—like, you know, the possibility of a parallel universe.
• Encourages you to keep refining your plan until it’s “perfect,” which is code for never actually starting.
•  When you start talking about your heartbreak, they suddenly remember they have “something to Google” and vanish behind their phone screen.
• Suggests that if it doesn’t feel intellectually stimulating, it’s not worth your time.

ENFP: Life Coaching By Glitter Bomb

The ENFP life coach is part sunny optimism, part thunderstorm of existential dread. They’ll show up with sparkly notebooks and way too many highlighters, convinced that if you just believe hard enough, the universe will finally stop playing cosmic dodgeball with your dreams.

Your sessions will feel like a spiritual pep rally. You’ll leave feeling super inspired… and not sure where to even start. Plus, did either of you remember to eat for the two-day program you just worked through?  You’re starting to feel lightheaded…

But When They’re Focused: They’ll help you reconnect with what lights you up. They’ll remind you that your passions matter and give you the courage to chase them.

ENFP Bad Advice in Action

• Tells you to chase your passion this week… and a totally different one next week.
• Encourages you to say yes to everything, even if it leaves you burned out.
• Suggests you move to another city just for “a fresh vibe.”
• Tells you to run from anything that feels routine because it’s obviously a soul-sucking trap.
• Tells you to trust your feelings above all else—like, even the ones you have at 2am.

INFP: Coaching You Into a Candlelit Coma

An INFP life coach will listen to your deepest fears and dreams with awe… then suggest you meditate in a candlelit room for the next six months until you “figure it out.”

They’re all about alignment and authenticity—until you’re paralyzed by all the big feelings they’ve unearthed. You’ll leave sessions feeling seen, but also like you’re stuck in a soul-searching rabbit hole.

When They’re Actually Amazing: They’ll help you connect with your most authentic self. They’ll remind you that your sensitivity isn’t a curse—it’s your guide. If you can come back to earth, you’ll feel more whole for it.

INFP Bad Advice in Action

• Encourages you to journal about your feelings for days instead of doing anything.
• Tells you to avoid anything that feels too harsh or practical, because the world’s already cold enough.
• Advises you to find your “true calling” before you start any actual work.
•  Suggests you let your intuition guide everything—even when your intuition says “nap instead.”

What Do You Think?

Have you ever taken advice from your own personal disaster of an inner life coach—like that voice that says, “Sure, let’s quit our job and become a yoga influencer” or “You should definitely eat cereal for dinner for the third night in a row because of self-care, obviously”? What’s the worst (or best) advice you’ve ever given yourself? Hit us up on social media and let’s swap stories!