60% Of Us Hide Our True Selves At Work: Are You One Of Them?

Are you hiding who you really are from your boss and coworkers? According to a recent study, six out of every 10 of us do this.

Research by leading professional services firm Deloitte found that 60 percent of US workers engaged in "covering" in the workplace, where they downplayed parts of themselves to fit into the mainstream. That could be hiding your family responsibilities so you appear more committed to your job, cracking a joke you find tasteless because it seems like the norm, or hiding an opinion or mannerism that doesn't align with the majority.

The ways in which we hide ourselves may come in many shapes and sizes, but they all stem from the same underlying fear: being judged by others and losing their respect. 

While it’s normal (and good!) to try to dampen your critical nit-picking instincts or megaphone-loud enthusiasm to maintain an air of professionalism, hiding your personality too much can reduce your job satisfaction and harm your health. Fake it 'til you make it is bad advice because it forces you to work in ways that you're not wired for, leading to burnout and a lack of fulfillment in your work.

Hopefully, you recognize when you are pretending to be someone you're not, because at least then you can take extra care of yourself outside of work to recharge. But if you've been hiding so long you don't even know what parts of yourself are hidden, it's time to step back and see what's at the root of this behavior. The following signs are red flags that you may be hiding your true self at work.

1. You fall in line to make others happy, even though it goes against your values or beliefs 

According to a recent survey by TotalJobs, a massive 77 percent of people who change their personality at work do so to appear more agreeable to others.

Agreeable people put others' needs before their own and fall in line instead of advocating for themselves. They might say “yes” when they mean “no” or go along with a decision they disagree with just to avoid conflict or disapproval.

Some people are naturally agreeable, go-with-the-flow people, and it sets them up for a lifetime of happiness. But if you're forcing agreeableness when your instinct is to stand up and be counted, it's a red flag that your true self is being hidden at work. 

Helpful tips:

• You might think that going with the flow will impress your boss, but chances are they would rather you challenged ideas and expressed your opinions. Think about what's actually needed in the workplace. Do you really need to fall in line to get ahead, or is that a misconception you've developed over time?
• Remember that it is possible to stand up for yourself, be assertive and even be competitive in a polite and respectful manner. Maybe it isn't your personality traits but your execution that needs some work. Might a little practice solve everything?

2. You’re allergic to sharing anything personal about yourself 

Avoiding sharing anything personal about yourself or your experiences is a sure sign that you're hiding.  You may think that by remaining mysterious, you'll protect yourself from being judged or dismissed. 

But here's the thing: having friends at work can make your work experience much more enjoyable and create a strong support  network for times when work gets tough. If people don’t know who you are, it’s challenging for them to rely on you.

Helpful tips:

• Go ahead and share personal information, but plan your boundaries beforehand. Dropping TMI bombs is never appropriate, and goes far beyond what you're actually aiming for, which is letting people get to know you better.
• Slow and steady wins this particular race. If you've been hiding for a while, start dripping  personal details into conversations so you can gauge the response before going all in with the true you.

3. You’re a human stress ball 

If you’re suppressing your real self in an attempt to conform, you’re probably experiencing internal conflict. On the one hand, you're fitting in so people like you. On the other hand, you feel like a fraud. It’s like you’re walking a tightrope every day, never allowing yourself to fall out of character (and never winning an Academy Award for your performance). How exhausting! 

Helpful tips:

• In the short-term, some mindfulness or meditation might help you to center yourself and eliminate stress. These techniques can also increase self-awareness so you’ll understand why you've made the choices you've made and make healthier choices that align with your real self. 
• In the longer-term, you have to start acting in a way that's more authentic to you. Constantly defying your personality type  means you're never playing to your strengths and you're never in your comfort zone. That type of stress is not going away unless you actively come back to yourself.

4. Your career satisfaction has gone AWOL 

You may be getting awards and promotions left, right and center, but success will not make you happy if it feels  like a lie. It doesn't matter how much you earn if you’re unhappy at work. And the longer you keep wearing the mask, the further away you will be from finding work that you're excited to do.

Right now, you may just feel ‘meh’ about your career, even if you are reaching new heights in it. But how long before the 'meh' morphs into "I hate this job"?

Helpful tips:

• Write a list of things you love the most about your job and what you’d like to achieve in your role. Then look for projects that align with these interests. This is the start of you getting a little more of the real you back into your work. 
• Start exploring job options that align with your true strengths and aptitudes. It's possible that pretending at work has trapped you in a career that doesn't suit you, and the best way to find that out is to see what else is out there.

5. You’re a stage-five overthinker 

Do you lie awake at night thinking about all the cringey, awkward things you said or did at work that you would never have done if you had been true to yourself? When we're out of alignment with our true selves, it's easy to overthink every little detail and beat ourselves up for behaving that way.

This is a natural consequence of chasing other people’s standards instead of your own.  When you're making decisions that don't feel authentic to you, you're going to doubt every decision to the point of paralysis. 

Helpful tips:

• Put a positive spin on negative self-talk. Instead of getting stuck in negative thoughts about yourself, focus on solutions. For example, if you think, “I always feel like an imposter when I don’t speak up during meetings,” reframe it as a way to grow, such as by saying, “I’ll express my ideas in the next meeting to improve my performance and confidence.” 
• Ask for feedback. If you’re stuck in an overthinking cycle, reach out to coworkers for a fresh perspective on the issue. Asking for help is a good way to drop your mask a bit so people see what's going on under there. It also shows that you value their opinion and trust them.