Is Being Intentionally Single Healthy For Every Personality Type?

It’s easy to think that being single is something that happens to you, because you can’t catch a break and meet the right person. But more and more people are making a choice to be single–on purpose.

Instead of viewing single life as a gap between romantic relationships, they see it as an opportunity for personal growth and building a fulfilling life on their own terms. It's about being mindful of your own needs and the life you want to live. If that picture doesn't include marriage or a romantic partnership, that's perfectly okay.

But is being intentionally single healthy for every personality type?

The first thing to know is that everyone's needs, wants and relationship history are unique. No personality type is inherently better suited to being single or in a relationship, and no type would benefit from taking a dating sabbatical more than another. But if you are making a conscious choice to be single, your personality may play a part in how well you adapt to and thrive in that lifestyle.

Personality Types That May Enjoy Being Single

INTJ: Would Rather Be Alone Than Settle

INTJs guard their independence like a treasure. They are self-reliant to a fault, and also tend to have many interests and hobbies to keep themselves occupied. Taking a break from dating for however long feels right for them can be the perfect time to pursue important goals they have put on the backburner. It also breaks the habit of settling for relationships just because they feel like they should.

For consciously single INTJs, time away from dating may feel wildly freeing, like finally having the space to breathe without other people's expectations and opinions weighing them down. This time unattached will be more satisfying if they invest it in the goals that feel important to them—they probably will do that anyway—but also work through any emotions or fall-out from previous relationships, so that they can create a clean slate for their future. That part is important; INTJs are all about moving forward rather than lingering in the past.

INFJ: Time To Re-set Their Expectations

INFJs are the rarest personality type.  That alone makes it difficult to find someone who “gets” them. They also have a tendency to idealize romantic relationships and have high expectations for potential partners. The high bar they set comes at a cost: they may end up feeling let down in relationships and jaded by the experience.

For this reason, INFJs may benefit from and enjoy intentionally single periods. It gives them time to assess what they really need and why some of their past relationships may have failed. Were their expectations realistic? Did they come from a place of self-worth or insecurity? INFJs also tend to give much (often too much) of themselves in relationships. A break from dating is valuable time to reflect on what fulfills them spiritually and emotionally without the distraction of other people’s feelings getting in the way, so that a future partner can align with their deeper values. 

ESFP: Opportunity to Discover Their Purpose  

ESFPs have truckloads of confidence, a desire to be the center of attention and a relentless drive to pursue adventure. Combined, these traits means they easily will take to not being tied down to anyone in a serious relationship. Although ESFPs enjoy being around others—especially those who shower them with attention—they also embrace the freedom to do whatever they want, when they want!

To take the benefits of being single on purpose to a higher level, ESFPs can use the time alone to give themselves a reality check. What do they want their life to look like away from parties, meetups and friends? Do they have a purpose or are they working towards one? Are there any areas of their life where they might be stuck in a rut, just going through the motions? What value might a significant other add to their life, and is it worth the sacrifice of some of their independence? Sometimes ESFPs can fall into a pattern of seeking outside validation instead of trusting their own intuition. Being intentionally single offers an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. 

Personality Types That May Struggle With Being Single

ESFJ: Craves Relationship Support

Gregarious ESFJs draw energy from their connections with others. When they feel bonded to someone, they’re 100 percent committed to their relationship and are no strangers to going the extra mile for their partners. When disconnected from others, they tend to feel like something’s missing. Choosing to be intentionally single might make them feel out of sorts and uncomfortable—like they’re not able to be the best version of themselves. 

For “uncomfortably single” ESFJs who are doing it anyway, they can make the ride a little smoother by channeling their generosity to their platonic relationships.  Or they can spend time volunteering, mentoring or engaging in activities that fill an ESFJ’s natural desire to help others. And they shouldn’t forget to direct some love to themselves! ESFJs often put themselves at the back of the line. Time alone is a great opportunity to focus on their own self-care and personal growth.

ESTJ: Struggles With Uncertainty and Change

Although it’s common for anyone to experience anxiety at the thought of being single after years of being in a relationship, ESTJs tend to feel this more intensely. This is because they crave stability and predictability. ESTJs have a strong need for family, community and traditions, and are excellent at keeping their relationships on track. This can make them hesitate to go outside of the norm and choose to be single for any significant chunk of time.

For ESTJs who are comfortable with taking a step back from steady dating, it’s important that they find activities that give them a sense of certainty and structure. This could mean joining structured groups like book clubs or organizations where they can indulge their love of efficiency, such as volunteer organizations or professional societies. Control is a key factor in the lives of ESTJs, so finding ways to channel that need into positive outlets can help them cope with being single. 

ISFJ: Caring For Others Gives Them Purpose 

Loyal and helpful ISFJs arguably are the most relationship-focused personality type. They’re the glue that keeps families and friend groups together, and they often find themselves in caretaking roles. Tending to others gives them a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

For this reason, ISFJs can feel ungrounded when intentionally single. Some may even experience guilt for not being there for their loved one—even when there isn't a loved one in the picture! It sounds  bizarre, but ISFJs have such a deep desire to be there for others that they can’t turn it off—even when they're taking a break.

Are you single by choice?

Being intentionally single is not for everyone, and some will find it easier than others to  embrace the single life. If you decide to give it a try, here are some final tips to bear in mind:

• Figure out your motives. There’s a difference between being single so you can focus on yourself and doing so to avoid intimacy or commitment. Take time to figure out if you’re doing it for the right, healthy reasons that’ll help you grow. 
• Have a strong support system. While you might love being independent, having loved ones you can trust and rely on is essential if you experience loneliness. Being single opens the door to spend more quality time with friends and family, so make the most of it!
• Have regular check-ins with yourself. Although being intentionally single can be satisfying, take stock of how you’re feeling about your decision every now and then so you know if you’re still benefiting from it. And if you're not? It's okay to change your mind.