Catfishing: Who Does It, Who Falls for It, and Why?

Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the parties involved.

In October 2022, 27-year old Adam (not his real name) created an account on an online dating site. There he met Katy, who lived in Atlanta, Georgia, a two-hour flight from his home in Dallas, Texas. 

“I was at a point in my life where all my friends were in relationships, getting married and starting to have kids,” Adam says. “I wanted that, too, so I was feeling a sense of urgency to find my partner–it was easy to focus on how great Katy seemed and to gloss over the fact that she lived several states away and we hadn’t actually met in person.”  

The relationship moved swiftly. They matched, had a series of text message exchanges, spoke on the phone several times and soon after, agreed to be in an exclusive relationship. Every time Adam wanted to have a video call with Katy, she had some excuse or delay about why it wasn’t possible. But the connection felt strong. He didn’t want conflict so he didn’t push her about it: “I knew I was taking a risk, but she made me believe she had lots of options, and she chose me. That feeling of being special was addictive. And it felt like our futures aligned–we want the same things.”  

With a commitment in place, Katy started sharing more details about her life–her job as an event host, the health issues of her father, who worked in construction, her daily triumphs and struggles. Then one day, she disappeared for 72 hours, only to reappear and share that her phone wasn’t working right. “By then I was addicted to our daily conversations,” admits Adam. “I felt horrible being disconnected from her, so I sent her money to buy a new iPhone.”  

The iPhone was a gift, but it marked the beginning of small “loans” Adam gave Katy to help her through what he saw as a difficult period.

By December 2022, Adam was getting frustrated they still hadn’t met in person, so Katy invited him to come to Atlanta for Christmas. He booked a flight and a hotel, but Katy never came, citing pain in her upper abdomen and extreme fatigue day after day.  “I sent hundreds of text messages and sat in a hotel room alone for five days. When we finally spoke, I was furious and asked for all the money I had given her back,” Adam says. 

“She called me a psychopath.  It is unbelievable when I look back now, but I thought I was ruining our relationship, so I backed off.”

Adam went home disappointed but still hopeful, and over the next 15 months, the communication intensified with the “health issues” becoming more and more dramatic.  Adam sent tens of thousands of dollars for “hospital bills” and more. Each payment came with a promise they would meet. But then it was followed by more health issues. 

By April 2024, Adam had lent Katy almost $50,000 and still had not met her in person. And then it all came crashing down. Adam, at his wit’s end, finally confided the full story to his streetwise friend who did some sleuthing and found Katy. Except Katy was Martina, a woman on Instagram with a completely different life. For Adam, that was the breaking point. “My whole world came crashing down on me. I felt dizzy and sick. It was like my world ended.” 

Adam had been catfished.

What is Catfishing? 

Catfishing is a type of online deception where someone misrepresents their identity to engage with their victim under false pretenses. They might use fake photos, names and life details to lure the unsuspecting person into an emotional or romantic relationship. Sometimes they lure them into a financial scam.

Some catfishes are minor, like using grossly photoshopped images or lying about personal details in an online profile. But often, and with increasing frequency, the deceptions are much more elaborate and serious, with the perpetrator creating an entirely fictional persona and luring their victims into long-term, complex relationships where the two parties never meet in real life.

The term "catfishing" originated from the 2010 movie titled Catfish, a raw documentary that follows a man named Nev Schulman as he discovers that the young woman he had been communicating with online was not who she claimed to be. The term was used when the husband of the middle-aged housewife posing as a gorgeous young model likened her behavior to that of "catfish,” explaining that when cod were being shipped from Alaska to China, they were arriving stale and mushy. But when catfish, the natural enemies of cod, were added to their tanks, they had to dart around and stay agile, arriving at their destination fresh. 

He suggests people who "catfish" others keep them on their toes by injecting an element of unpredictability or surprise into their interactions. 

With more than 60% of the eight billion population of the world using social media, the potential threat of being catfished is tremendous and instances of catfishing are on the rise. In 2021, Americans reported losses of over $547 million to romance scams, which is a significant jump from previous years. But it is hard to know the true picture since only around 3% of romance scam cases are reported to authorities, leaving many unrecorded losses unaccounted for. 

But who does it? And why?

The Psychology of a Catfisher

There are different types of catfishers: those who scam for money and those who do it because it satisfies some other unmet need in their life. For the scammers who do it for money, the motivation is clear. They do it for financial gain. But what about the ones who do it for no apparent material benefit?

It would be easy to imagine these predators must be lonely, low-achieving individuals who are unhappy in their lives and catfish to boost their poor self-esteem. This seemed to be the case in Schulman’s story, as catfisher Angela Wesselman shed tears sharing about her life of broken dreams. 

But Anna Akbari’s true tale, chronicled in her story There is No Ethan, shows that isn’t always the case. She and two other women were catfished–one for years–by someone with a degree in nuclear engineering from MIT, a master’s from Columbia University and who, even today, is a practicing obstetrician/gynecologist. Why did the catfish perpetrator lure these women into an online relationship? To get material for a fictional piece they wanted to write.

You might think predators must be total strangers to their victims, but that’s not right either. Head to Netflix to watch “Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare” or  “Untold: The Girlfriend Who Never Was” to learn that, in some cases, the perpetrator has known the victim for most of their life.

The catfish profile is difficult to explain and hard to pin down, but there are some commonalities. Let’s look at what the Big Five personality model shows us.

Online Deception and the Big Five

The Big Five model outlines five personality traits that each person has, to varying degrees, on a spectrum. These are Openness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism, Extraversion and Conscientiousness. When applied to the phenomenon of catfishing, studies show some correlations.

Catfishers score low in Agreeableness. 

Agreeableness describes a person’s tendency to put others’ needs ahead of their own and to cooperate rather than compete with others. People who are high in agreeableness experience a great deal of empathy and tend to get pleasure out of serving and taking care of others. People who are low in this trait tend to experience less empathy and put their own concerns ahead of others, making it easier to manipulate others. They might be willing to harm others to achieve their personal goals. 

Some catfishing deceivers rationalize their behavior as harmless or justified, focusing on their personal gratification rather than the well-being of their target. Lower empathy levels often allow these individuals to sustain their deceptive behavior without feeling guilty. The common catfish response when they are caught? “I didn’t do anything wrong. You could have left at any time.” This reaction illustrates the gross lack of empathy often found in catfishers. According to statistics, 55% of catfish perpetrators were not sorry.

Catfishers score low in Conscientiousness. 

Conscientiousness describes a person's level of goal orientation and persistence. Those who are high in Conscientiousness are determined individuals who are able to forego immediate gratification for the sake of long-term achievement. They have good impulse control and are more likely to consider the consequences of their actions. Individuals with low Conscientiousness have little regard for future consequences and are likely to favor immediate opportunities. 

Such individuals are more inclined to misrepresent themselves to achieve relational goals. You can see this trait in action during Catfish in Angela Wesselman’s confession that she really didn’t know why she catfished Nev–it just made her feel good to have the connection.

Who Gets Catfished? 

If we know that the people perpetrating the deception are likely to be low in Consciousness and Agreeableness, what can we learn about the psychological profile of someone who falls for a catfish deception?

Studies offer us a few key findings.  

Victims tend to score high in Agreeableness

Individuals with high Agreeableness tend to be trusting, compassionate and inclined to see the good in others. While these qualities are generally positive–Agreeable people are “nice”–they can also make people more vulnerable to manipulation. Highly Agreeable people might ignore red flags or inconsistencies in their online relationships, assuming the best about the other person’s intentions. Their empathy and desire to maintain harmony can lead them to overlook signs of deception, making them prime targets for catfishers. We see this in Adam’s story, as he tolerates behavior others might have set a firm boundary around.

Victims tend to score high in Neuroticism

Neuroticism describes a person’s tendency to experience negative emotions, including fear, sadness, anxiety, guilt and shame. This trait can be thought of as an alarm system, and people with high Neuroticism experience negative emotions as a sign that something is wrong in the world. 

People high in Neuroticism may be more susceptible to being catfished because they often have insecurities or fears around rejection, making them particularly responsive to the attention and validation provided by a catfisher. They might also feel emotionally dependent on the relationship and may struggle to walk away even if suspicions arise, as they fear the loneliness that ending the relationship might bring.

It is important to remember these are trends and in the millions of people who catfish and who have been catfished, you’ll find exceptions. But these general trends give us a framework when trying to understand what is almost an incomprehensible situation.

Catfishing: The Aftermath

So what happened to Adam? He cut communication with Katy earlier this year, but the healing journey will be a long one. He is focusing on repaying his debts and hopes to have put the financial part of this story behind him by 2027.  He’s focusing on his work as senior software engineer for an IT company and studying to become a part-time Cybersecurity Researcher and OSINT (open source intelligence) specialist. His goal is to help prevent such frauds and scams with other people. “There were red flags all over the place, but I chose to ignore them. My biggest vulnerability was that I was alone and having FOMO at 27. My hope is that other people will hear my story and not make my mistakes…”

What are those red flags? If you suspect you or someone you know might be in a catfish situation, be on alert for the following behavior:

• Refusal to meet in person: They consistently make excuses to avoid meeting face-to-face, even if they live nearby or you’ve suggested meeting in a public, safe place.
• Avoiding video calls: They claim they don’t have access to a webcam or that their video quality is poor, often dodging attempts to connect through live video.
• Inconsistent or vague personal details: Their stories about work, family or background change over time, or they seem evasive when asked for specific details.
• Photos seem too perfect or are stock images: Their profile pictures appear overly polished or generic. You might even find the same images in a reverse image search online, possibly used in other contexts.
• Love bombing or moving too fast emotionally: They quickly express deep feelings of love or commitment, often before you've even built a substantial connection. This can be a tactic to build trust rapidly.
• Asking for money or financial assistance: They bring up financial problems or emergencies and subtly (or not so subtly) ask for money, gift cards, or other forms of assistance.
• Limited social media presence: They have a minimal or suspiciously recent social media profile with few connections or posts, or they claim they’re not on social media at all.

If you’ve been catfished, join the Romance Scam Recovery Group to get help.