Controlling Your Emotions Is Hard For Feeler-Perceivers: Here’s How to Get Better At It

If you're a Feeling-Perceiving personality type (ISFP, INFP, ESFP, ENFP), you probably know that controlling your emotions can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. You live in your feelings, act in the moment and tend to follow your heart more than your head. That might sound poetic. But in real life, it means that you often make decisions based on how you’re feeling right now rather than on what will be best for you in the long run.

But don't worry—there are ways to manage this! Emotional control is one of the five factors of emotional intelligence. No matter what your levels are today, you can improve this skill and learn to direct those big emotions in ways that work for you, not against you. 

So, let’s talk about why FP types struggle with emotional self-control and some strategies to help you keep those unruly emotions in check.

Why Do FPs Struggle With Emotional Control?

1. You Are Feelings First, Logic Later 

Because of their strong Introverted Feeling (Fi), FP types tend to be guided by their internal moral compass and personal values. Whether Fi is your dominant cognitive function (ISFP and INFP) or auxiliary function (ESFP and ENFP), you rely on how things feel to you deep down. And while this can make you incredibly empathetic and authentic, it also means that you can get caught up in your emotions and value set, which can make it hard to think clearly when you are in the middle of a heated situation.

2. You Experience Big Emotions, All the Time 

FP types experience emotions on a whole other level. For these types, when emotions hit, they hit hard. This is because for you, emotions are not just passing reactions—they’re tied to your sense of identity and personal value system. Other Feeling types lead with Extraverted Feeling (Fe), which means they focus on the emotions of others. But you process emotions through Fi, which is much more internal and personal. That’s why when something triggers an emotional response, it’s not just about the situation at hand—it feels like a direct hit to who you are as a person.

3. You Lack Foresight

FP types tend to live in the moment and go with the flow. And while being spontaneous is fun, it often means that you don’t think ahead as much as you should. This lack of foresight can really trip you up when it comes to managing your emotions, especially when you’re hit with impulses or the urge for instant gratification. Because of this, you might act based on how you feel right now without stopping to consider what that could mean down the line.

How to Get Better at Emotional Self-Regulation

Tip 1: Practice Mindfulness 

Mindfulness can be a game-changer when it comes to improving your emotional control. By practicing mindfulness, you train yourself in the skill of "non-reactivity"—that is, the ability to let your thoughts, emotions and urges just pass by instead of getting caught up in them. Over time and with a bit of practice, you'll find it easier to just step back when a strong emotion flares up and respond more calmly and thoughtfully.

This is because mindfulness helps you create space between feeling something and expressing it. As Victor Frankl famously said, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." So, mindfulness practice helps to expand that space, so you have a chance to hit a mental pause before things get out of hand. 

Here are a few tips to help you get started with mindfulness:

• Meditation: Start with just 5–10 minutes a day for mindfulness. Find a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed, get comfy and bring attention to your breath. Just pay attention to how it feels when you inhale and exhale. If your mind starts to wander (and it will!) or you feel an urge to check your phone or move around, just gently bring it back to your breath. And if sitting still isn’t your vibe, try mindful walking. 
• Mindfulness apps: Check out mindfulness apps like Headspace or Calm. They’ve got all sorts of guided meditations and tips that can help you ease into the practice.
• Daily mindfulness moments: Look for opportunities throughout your day to sneak in a little mindfulness. Boring moments like waiting in a queue, riding in the elevator or being stuck in traffic are perfect for this. Instead of reaching for your phone, notice the sounds, the sensations and how you’re feeling. You can even do a quick body scan, checking in with how each part of your body feels. 

Tip 2. Put Labels on Your Emotions

When emotions start to swirl in the moment, one of the simplest yet most effective things you can do is to put a label on what you’re feeling. Studies have shown that when you label your negative emotions—the practice known as “affect labeling”—it can actually reduce their intensity and duration. 

Affect labeling works because when you put names to your negative emotions, it helps you create some distance from them. This, in turn, can help you look at them with more perspective. So, once you identify your emotions— like “I’m angry” or “I’m sad”—you’ll be better equipped to understand what is causing them. Then, it can lead you to think about how to deal with them more constructively.

So, the next time a negative emotion flares up, take a moment to say to yourself “I’m feeling angry” or “I’m feeling anxious.” If you want to take it a step further and create even more distance from negative feelings, try saying, “I notice that I’m feeling [emotion].” This can help you diminish the power of those emotions even more.

Tip 3. Don’t Bottle it Up

This is especially important for ISFPs and INFPs who are Introverts as well as Feeling-Perceivers. Both types tend to bottle up their emotions to either avoid rocking the boat (sounds familiar, ISFPs?) or because they don’t think others will understand the depth and complexity of their feelings (looking at you, INFPs!). 

But when you keep stuffing those emotions down—whatever the reason is—it can lead to anger and emotional buildups that may eventually spill into an outburst. It’s like a bottle that’s filled to the brim with soda—when you shake it up and then twist the cap, the pressure builds until it erupts, making a mess everywhere.

To avoid this from happening, get into the habit of gradually releasing pent-up emotions. If something is bothering you, don’t let it simmer until it boils over, especially, if it’s something that looks like a pattern rather than a one-off. For example, if your friend often flakes on you, don’t wait for it to frustrate you to the point of snapping. Try to clear the air right away by saying something like “Hey, I’ve noticed that we’ve had to cancel plans a lot lately. Is everything okay?” 

Tip 4: Write it Down

Journaling can be a powerful tool for FP types looking to put a handle on their emotions. When you put pen to paper and articulate how you’re feeling, you can better make sense of all that emotional chaos.

Start by setting aside a few minutes each day to jot down your thoughts and feelings. Just don’t overthink it—simply let those feelings flow! Also, consider adding prompts (e.g. “What am I feeling right now, and why?” or “What triggered my emotions today?”) to give your journaling some structure. And as you keep writing, you might start to spot patterns in how you react to different situations, which can help you tackle issues before they escalate. 

And if you’re feeling upset or frustrated because of someone’s behavior, you can try writing them a letter—you don’t have to send it though. Just the act of writing can help you get things off your chest and move forward with a lighter heart and a clearer head. 

Final Words

Controlling strong emotions can be a challenge for anyone, but it's especially tricky for FP types. If you’re an FP, you feel things extra deeply and intensely, and this can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or even embarrassing outbursts. But don’t despair—you’re not doomed to live at the whim of your emotions! Simple strategies like mindfulness, journaling and affect labeling can make a huge difference in helping you navigate your emotions and express them in a more constructive way.