Do You Have ‘Silent’ Perfectionism?

When you think of perfectionism, you might think of someone who’s an overachiever or Type A personality; someone who checks and rechecks their work before submitting it or works until the early hours to make sure their presentation is just right. 

But perfectionism can be sneakier and more subtle than those obvious signs. 

Sometimes, it can look like a whole lot of nothing. No one, not even the person suffering from it, may notice that their inability to get started on projects is due to perfectionism. They might put things off until the very last minute, or avoid them altogether, and label those behaviors as 'procrastination' or 'laziness.'  They might blame their Perceiver personality type for their messy desk and delay in moving into action, or throw their hands up and say, “That’s just the way I am.” 

But in reality, it could be that they're afraid of starting because they're afraid of failing or not meeting their own high standards. 

Here’s everything you need to know about silent perfectionism and how to stop it from keeping you stuck in life. 

8 Signs of Silent Perfectionism 

Being a perfectionist doesn’t mean everything looks perfect. If you’re experiencing silent type of perfectionism, it might come up in various ways:

• You have a list of to-do tasks that you feel too afraid to start. 
• You’re always waiting for the “perfect” time to start something new or chase your dream. 
• You overthink every possible step and action before starting a project. 
• You’d rather do it perfectly or not at all—there is no in-between. 
• You find excuses for why you can’t go through with your plans. 
• You’re terrified of making mistakes or being exposed as “not good enough.” 
• You beat yourself up for not taking action. 
• You feel envious and frustrated when you see other people succeed. 

Are Some Personality Types More Prone to Silent Perfectionism? 

While anyone can experience silent perfectionism, some personality types may be more prone to it.

INFJ: Battling the Weight of Idealism

As introverts who are hard on themselves, INFJs beat themselves up thinking that they can do better on their tasks or in their relationships. They tend to have an idealistic idea of the way things should be and could be, if only someone like them could make it so. This can put so much pressure on their shoulders they become too afraid to even attempt to reach their impossible standards. So, they get stuck in an 'all or nothing' loop where they don't do anything at all because the fear of not doing it perfectly is paralyzing.

ISFJ: Afraid to Take Risks

ISFJs are resistant to change and the type most afraid of taking risks. If chasing their goals requires them to do something big and new, or it could lead to failure, they might stay put and not even try. They also need lots of time to think and plan before stepping outside their comfort zone, which can lead to procrastination or not taking action at all. Add to that the ISFJ's tendency to work harder for others than they do for themselves, and it's easy to see how silent perfectionism can take hold.

INTJ: Value Depth Above Breadth

Like INFJs, INTJs also tend to take an all-or-nothing approach to life. They have a powerful Ni-Te relationship that gives them an intense drive and single-minded focus when it comes to goals they're invested in. But they also take a quality over quantity approach and may show very little interest in areas they deem unimportant, to the point where they do nothing at all. It’s common for INTJs to spend far too much time working on their detailed game plans which are important to them internally, but which they never actually bring into the real world.

ISFP: Navigating Tough Personal Values

Although ISFPs have excellent focus and are detail-oriented, they hold themselves to extremely high standards. This stems from their dominant cognitive function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), which drives them to align their actions with their deeply held values and ethical beliefs. They often feel a strong internal pressure to be authentic and true to themselves, and if they feel like they’re not living up to their own standards, they can become paralyzed with self-doubt and fear of failure.

What are the Consequences of Silent Perfectionism? 

Constantly dealing with silent, sneaky perfectionism will take a toll on your wellbeing and quality of life unless you take steps to stop it. Here are some consequences of this type of perfectionism:

You carry a weight that others cannot see. People who struggle with silent perfectionism try to appear calm and collected even though they’re riddled with anxiety and stress. Because you're not showing any visible signs of stress, others may assume you're handling things well and offer little support.

You miss out on opportunities. Perfectionism can zap your happiness by making you miss golden opportunities in life. Growth requires some trial and error – repeatedly turning down opportunities because of perfectionism means you don't get the chance to learn new skills or gain valuable experiences that expand your life.

You envy your friends instead of enjoying their success. Envy and resentment are common in people with silent perfectionism, especially when others in their social circle seem to easily achieve their goals. This can make you feel even more self-critical for what you haven’t achieved and cause you to distance yourself from friends and loved ones. 

You burn out before you even get started. Most jobs require you to make decisions and solve problems quickly. If you're not doing this out of fear of failure, you may give the impression that you’re not committed to your work. On the inside, you're trying your best to get things perfect before anyone else can see them, but all your boss sees is your lack of progress. This push-pull can drive you to burnout.

How Can You Overcome Silent Perfectionism? 

There are several strategies you can use to break free from the grip of silent perfectionism: 

• Record your thoughts. When you catch yourself holding yourself back, write it down. This exercise can help you to uncover patterns in your thoughts and behaviors. Once you identify them, you can start to challenge them.
• Distraction techniques: If you are stuck in a cycle of procrastination, take a 10-minute break and lose yourself in a mundane task that doesn’t require a lot of brain power, like clearing your inbox. You’ll break yourself out of the perfectionist loop so you can return to your task with a fresh head.  
• Reframe mistakes as freedom. Logically, you know that mistakes are part of being human and are going to happen no matter what. To convince your brain of this, make a list of the times you took a chance or made a mistake and the consequences of that. Was it really that bad? What did you learn from it? Chances are, the positives will outweigh the negatives.
• Talk about other people’s mistakes, not just their successes. Ask other people about their slip-ups, mistakes and failures. You’ll come to realize that other people also feel like they're spinning wheels in the mud.  Pay attention to their journey and you will see that everyone struggles and success is never a straight line.