How INFJs Can Get Out of the “All Or Nothing” Loop

Have you ever found yourself stuck when it comes to completing everyday tasks? Whether it's housework, homework, writing emails or making a call, we all have moments when we feel overwhelmed and unable to take action.

But for INFJs, the world’s rarest personality type, this sense of paralysis looks a little different. Let's use a domestic chore to illustrate how the cycle of delay plays out for INFJs.

Imagine you are sprawled on the couch and the room around you looks like a bomb site. You know it needs tidying up and you'll feel better once it's done. At this point, one of two things happens:

• You stay on the couch and do nothing, even though you feel worse by putting it off—again. 
• You decide to have a quick cleanup, nothing too intense, but hours later, you're still cleaning the same space, majoring in minor details. You cancel all other plans because your priority now is to complete the job in hand.

Is this procrastination? Is it perfectionism? What’s going on?

Why INFJs Get Stuck in the All on Nothing Loop

INFJs are prone to all-or-nothing thinking. You spend a lot of time in your head thinking about how things should be, and what you might do to make that "promised land" happen. 

When faced with a task, you may start with good intentions but soon become overwhelmed by your desire for perfection. Now you're totally absorbed and unable to stop until you've delivered the  whole enchilada—you’ll clean the entire house to perfection, or write a bestselling novel in one sitting.

That’s the "all" side of the equation.

But when you realize that the task is too big to be completed perfectly in one go, the "nothing" side of your thinking takes over. You feel defeated and unable to continue. Or more likely—you don't start at all.

The question is, how do you break the cycle?

Identifying the 3 P Triggers

There are actually three things going on in this all-or-nothing loop: Perfectionism, Procrastination and Paralysis (the 3Ps). Your procrastination is fueled by your perfectionism, and your perfectionism is triggered by your fear of failure—for you, that means not being able to achieve what you believe is "good enough."

Once you give in to these two Ps, you become paralyzed and unable to take any action.

So what can be done about it?

The first step is to figure out how bad your perfectionist-procrastinator behaviors are within three categories: red (extreme), amber (moderate) and green (light). Using the simple traffic light system below helps you to recognize your place on the spectrum. You can then apply the relevant coping strategies for personal growth and achieving balance.

#1. RED: Extreme Perfectionist-Procrastinator

If you can relate to these triggers, take note—you are an extreme perfectionist-procrastinator.

• Everything MUST be flawless, or there's no point.
• You're so overwhelmed by the thought of tackling certain tasks that you push them away.
• You’re anxious and afraid of failing and not meeting expectations.
• You’re easily distracted by things that draw attention away from tasks. In fact, you look for them.
• You feel immense, and often debilitating, pressure to get the job done right and on time.

Strategies to cope and grow

The overarching goal for Reds is to build momentum where there is none. That starts in your head. Make a decision to be good to yourself and avoid negative self-talk—that will only push you further into feelings of "it's not good enough". 

Second, set realistic goals and hone your focus more on progress and less on perfection. Break down large tasks into smaller, achievable steps to take away some of the pressure you put on yourself. Try to forget about the end result and just focus on the smaller steps, one at a time.

Third, remove distractions. Move items away from your space that are unnecessary—smartphones, tablets and the like. You might want to turn off the TV. Take short periodic breaks at set intervals to calm your mind and reduce anxiety. But then get back to the task at hand! 

Set a timer if you have to to remind you that it’s time to pick up where you left off. Keep that forward momentum going!

#2. AMBER: Moderate Perfectionist-Procrastinator

Ambers may start on a task but get stuck in the middle of it and unable to finish because their perfectionism kicks in. Some signs you may be an Amber:

• You are slow to start a thing but eventually get going—reluctantly.
• You nitpick over decisions that need to be made, spending too much time on unnecessary tweaking.
• You’ll start the job, but continually second-guess yourself.
• You are selective about the tasks you perform and tend to delay or abandon less urgent tasks, even if they are important.
• You frequently justify and rationalize your inactions because deep down you know that what you are doing is not the best use of your time.

Coping strategies for Ambers

The goal here is to increase your motivation and efficiency. You are not paralyzed like Reds, but you may be moving at a slower pace than necessary.

The humble checklist reigns supreme as a starting point. Seriously, a visual list that breaks down and prioritizes tasks will unclutter your mind like few things can. Estimate how long the task might take and include that in your plan. For example, if you know something takes 15 minutes to complete, and you have 20 minutes to spare before lunch, schedule to do it then. That way, you can easily complete the job before you sit down to eat.

This part is important—for things you dislike doing, put them at the top of your list. Adopting this strategy gets all the unpleasant stuff done first when you have the most energy. You're a checklist crosser at heart; the sense of early achievement makes INFJs feel good!

There's a mindset exercise for Ambers, too, and it is this: figure out why you put things off and challenge yourself as to whether those excuses are valid. Writing down and reflecting on justifications can be an eye-opener for the all-or-nothing INFJ.  Replace those borderline ridiculous justifications with positive self-talk. You'll feel great!

#3. GREEN: Mild or Balanced Perfectionist-Procrastinator

This is the zone you want to be in most of the time. When you're in the Green zone, it means you:

• Occasionally procrastinate (like anyone) but push through with important tasks.
• Willingly accept "good enough" results without overthinking.
• Have a healthy attitude when it comes to setting achievable goals and meeting deadlines.
• Consistently finish what you start, without sweating the small stuff.

Coping strategies for Greens

The Green zone is a pretty comfortable place to be, so there's not much to worry about. Just keep an  eye on things potentially drifting into the Amber zone—when it does, switch into Amber mode before it becomes more problematic and you're hurtling into red territory. At the first sign of trouble, resist taking on more than you can handle. INFJs like solving problems and being helpful, but you'll be better served by leaving some things for others to do.