How to Navigate Emotions at Work: Practical Tools for Managers and Teams

Ever walked into a meeting and sensed tension before anyone said a word? Or noticed a colleague go quiet after a bit of feedback? Emotions are everywhere in the workplace—sometimes simmering under the surface, sometimes boiling over. They are triggered by many things, and our responses to those triggers are automatic, like a reflex, which means that we often don't have time to think about our emotional reactions before they happen. 

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward managing them effectively. With the right emotional intelligence techniques, it becomes possible to pause, separate those knee-jerk reactions from more thoughtful responses, and steer the team dynamic in a better direction

What Triggers Emotional (Over)Reactions in the Workplace?

Everyone has emotional hot buttons, and the same situation can set off very different reactions in different people. That’s largely down to how well developed their emotional control is. Emotional control is one of five facets of emotional intelligence, and it describes a person’s ability to manage and regulate their emotions. Those with stronger emotional control are better able to pause and respond thoughtfully without getting sucked into drama, while others may react more impulsively and find it harder to regain their balance.

Common workplace emotional triggers include those set out below. As a first exercise, take a moment to review the list and identify which situations tend to trigger the strongest emotional reactions for you.

• Criticism or judgment (e.g., mistakes being pointed out)
• Lack of recognition (e.g., someone else takes credit for your ideas)
• Miscommunication (e.g., unclear project directives)
• Blaming and shaming (e.g., being singled out for a missed deadline)
• Increased workload (e.g., sudden new projects without support)
• Change in management (e.g., new processes from a new manager)
• Tight deadlines (e.g., last-minute project demands)
• Lack of autonomy (e.g., being micromanaged)
• Being ignored or not listened to (e.g., suggestions dismissed)

It Takes Two to Tango

If other people's words and behaviors trigger an emotional response in you, then it makes sense that your words and actions can have the same effect on them. Developing awareness of others' emotional hot buttons is just as important as understanding your own.

To do this effectively, practice active listening and observation. Look out for the following reactions in your peers and reports, in response to something you've said or done:

• Their tone changes.
• Their body language shifts.
• They become visibly uncomfortable. 
• They change the subject.
• They get defensive.
• They shut down.
• They become emotional.

Paying attention to these cues will help you identify topics or behaviors that may forever start your conversation off on the wrong foot. You may not be able to avoid the topic, but you can experiment with different approaches, including those described below, that are more effective in achieving a positive outcome. 

How to De-Escalate Drama That Erupts From Nowhere

Sudden, acute conflicts at work are the easiest to deal with as they can be nipped in the bud as quickly as they started. These conflicts typically arise as a result of misperception or miscommunication, such as when someone makes a joke that others find offensive. Your three best strategies for de-escalating are STOP, LEAF and redirection.

Applying the STOP method (for controlling yourself)

STOP is a strategy for managing your own reactions during a tense interaction—it's the equivalent of putting your oxygen mask on first, before attending to those who may need your help.

• Stop: Recognize that you're triggered.
• Think: Take a deep breath and center yourself.
• Observe: Identify what's happening and how it makes you feel.
• Proceed: Decide on the most appropriate next steps (which could be applying the LEAF method).

Applying the LEAF Method (for supporting others)

• Listen: Give your full attention and really hear what the other person is saying, not just so you can formulate a pithy comeback.
• Empathize: Try to understand where they are coming from as opposed to defending your position. Set your own ego aside.
• Apologize: Own your role in setting off their emotional triggers. You don't have to agree that you did something wrong, but you can still recognize that something you did hurt or upset them. 
• Fix: Collaboratively find a solution.

For example, if a team member feels their ideas aren’t valued and reacts emotionally, apply LEAF: “I hear that you feel your ideas are not being taken seriously. I’m sorry if my behavior came off that way. Let’s work together to ensure your contributions are recognized.”

Redirecting conversations

To stop conversations from becoming venting sessions or arguments, be intentional about redirecting conversations away from emotional reactivity and toward solutions. It helps to have a few phrases ready to steer discussions back on track without escalating tension or shutting people down:

• When criticism and personal attacks are in play: “Can you explain your concerns one by one so we can address them constructively?”

• When someone dominates the conversation - “I see why you might favor that approach. Let's discuss the potential impact on the project timelines and explore alternative options as well.”
• When someone is getting defensive - “I'm interested in hearing your perspective. Can you explain more about why you feel that way?”
• When someone is shutting down and refusing to engage in the conversation - “I can tell this topic is difficult for us to discuss. Let's break it down into smaller parts and address them one at a time.”

How to Address Long-Standing Issues

Longer-standing conflicts and personality clashes will take more than a few minutes to resolve. If you notice this happening in your team, consider offering (or asking for) some training around conflict resolution. If you are a manager or team leader, it’s also worth mapping your team and identifying whether personality clashes, contrasting workstyles or gaps in key emotional intelligence skills—such as empathy—might be fueling ongoing tensions.

In the meantime, implementing the EAR approach can help everyone tune in fully to the emotional state of team members. EAR stands for Explore, Acknowledge, Respond. It's another take on active listening that helps you become an emotional detective and take the heat out of tricky situations.

How EAR works:

• Explore: Ask open-ended questions to better understand where each person is right now: “What do you think” and “Can you give me an example?” Combine those answers with visual clues: are they slouching, folding their arms, sweating? What is the complete picture telling you?
• Acknowledge: Accept other people's feelings at face value—and do the same with your own. Resist the temptation to react. Mirror or paraphrase their feelings back to them so they know you've understood.
• Respond: Respond in a way that validates their feelings, while also addressing any issues or concerns: “I can see why that would be difficult for you” or “That sounds frustrating, let's see how we can work together to find a resolution.” Take the time to find a suitable outcome that works emotionally as well as practically, and the steps you will take to achieve this.

EAR is an easy sequence for the team to remember and, with practice, should become second nature in your conversations. Give it some time to work, and stick with it: like any habit change, it takes time to get used to. Keep an eye on your responses to make sure they are considering both practical and emotional outcomes, and you're not slipping into default task-management mode. 

Final Words

Understanding and navigating emotions at work is a skill that can be developed over time, but everyone starts from a different place. To get a clearer sense of your own emotional strengths and growth areas, take our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Test. This will give a baseline of where you stand today on each of the five facts of EQ and what you might want to focus on next. Even incremental improvements in emotional intelligence can shape how you work and lead.