How to Talk to Your Children About Personality Type

If you enjoy personality psychology and have gained valuable insights from it, it’s only natural that you want to share your passion with your children. But how exactly should you talk to your kids about personality types? What can you say that’s easy to understand and age-appropriate? Or perhaps a better question: should you be introducing personality typology to children at all? 

While the answers to these questions will depend on the child’s age and maturity, there are some universal ways of approaching personality typing that make it a fun topic to explore together, without defining who your child can or can’t be.

Should A Child Take a Personality Test?

The simple answer here is no. The Myers and Briggs personality test isn’t recommended for children and adolescents. This is because their personalities are still in the formative stage, and the Myers-Briggs assessment cannot type young people with any degree of accuracy until they are over about 14 years old. 

That said, the 16-type system is a great framework for introducing kids to the concept of personality types. Each of the letters used in the system describes a distinct personality trait or function which can be explained in child-friendly language. Here’s a quick rundown of what you might observe together and say to your child.

Extraversion (E) vs Introversion (I)

Extraverted children will start collecting friends at early ages. They’ll eagerly race to join groups of playing kids, even if they don’t know those children. Extraverted kids will be talkative around most people, including adults. You might catch them talking out loud to themselves, showing early signs of the Extravert’s need to verbally express the ideas running through their heads.

Introverted children are as playful as Extraverts, but they’re more likely to play with children they already know. They usually won’t introduce themselves to new children they encounter, preferring to wait until they’re approached. Despite their playfulness, introverted kids will still like to spend a lot of time by themselves. They may retreat to their rooms to read, play quietly or otherwise enjoy their own company.

Phrases you can use to explain this to children:

• Some kids feel happy and bouncy when they play with lots of friends.
• Some kids feel happy when they play quietly by themselves.
• Some kids enjoy busy, noisy places like parties or playgrounds, while others feel happiest when their best friend comes to their home.
• Some kids’ feelings show on the outside right away (smiles, laughter, excitement), while others keep their feelings inside until they feel ready to share.

Sensing (S) vs Intuition (N)

Young Sensors are hands-on learners who will demonstrate an endless curiosity about how toys, machines and gadgets look, sound, feel and work. They will notice small changes in their environments and will comment on it immediately if something has been added, subtracted or moved around (“The teacher put up a different poster in the classroom.”)

What sets Intuitive children apart is their active and fertile imaginations. They’ll often play games that involve imaginary characters having adventures in magical worlds, using toys or stuffed animals as stand-ins. Intuitive children often show a precocious interest in theories and concepts, and may spend a lot of time talking about the amazing things they hope to accomplish in the future.

Phrases you can use to explain this to children:

• Some kids enjoy collecting things like rocks, cards or stickers and keeping their collections neat and organized.
• Some kids like making up stories, pretending and imagining things that aren’t really there.
• Some kids follow the rules of a game very carefully and want everyone to play the same way, while others like inventing new rules or making up a whole new game.
• Some kids may want to know exactly what the assignment is and ask the teacher for all the details; others might prefer to come up with their own creative idea, even if it’s a little different.

Thinking (T) vs Feeling (F)

From an early age, Thinkers will show a directness that reveals this essential trait of their personality. As children, Thinkers will ask many questions and express their opinions openly and frequently. They will be fascinated by games that test problem-solving skills, demonstrating an uncanny ability for thinking things through and coming to the right conclusion.

Young Feelers will demonstrate a great capacity for empathy from a young age, along with a clear dislike for conflict. They will care a lot about what their friends and family members are feeling, and if there are pets in the house a Feeler child will treat them as trusted companions and love them deeply. These children can be sensitive and have their feelings hurt easily, but they’re also very forgiving.

Phrases you can use to explain this to children:

• Some kids make choices by thinking “that’s the rule” or “that’s fair.”
• Some kids make choices by thinking “that would make my friend smile.” 
• Some kids will point out when someone’s not following instructions, while others notice when someone feels left out and invite them to join.
• Some kids like asking “why?” to understand how things work or to find the best answer; others wonder “who will this help?” or “will this make someone happy?” before making a choice.

Perceiving (P) vs Judging (J)

Perceiving kids will display a spontaneity and thirst for new experiences that is quite striking.  They like to mix work with play, and may frustrate parents and teachers by taking extra time to finish projects or chores. They will tend to push against boundaries and restrictions, showing a rebellious streak that can be exasperating at times, but reveals their independent spirit.

In contrast, children with Judging characteristics will be disciplined, organized and plan-oriented. They will be diligent about finishing their chores before going off to play, and in fact they may occasionally shock their parents by cleaning and organizing their rooms without being asked. Like all kids they like to have fun, but they may repeat activities they enjoy again and again rather than trying something new.

Phrases you can use to explain this to children:

• Some kids like when things are planned, like knowing whether mommy or daddy will collect them from school.
• Some kids like surprises, like not knowing what game they’ll play until they start.

• Some kids like to leave their art or building projects unfinished so they can add new ideas later, while others want to finish one thing before starting the next.
• Some kids like to know what’s for dinner ahead of time, while others think it’s fun to find out when they sit down at the table.

These basic descriptions are aimed at younger children; you can obviously adjust the language and examples to suit your child’s maturity level. Very young children may or may not understand, but since their personalities are only just starting to form it might be better to wait a few years before broaching the subject!

General Tips for Having a “Personality” Conversation

1. Present personality types as a way to be happy

At first, your child might be a little distressed by the idea of having a personality type that can’t be changed. They may want to be more like their friend, or see this as somehow limiting their choices. Assure them that understanding their personality type can help them find what makes them happy – and it’s completely okay to have a different style or way of doing things than their friends or siblings

2. Talk about your personality type, not just theirs

Be open about your own personality and how you tend to react in various situations. Grown-up behavior can seem mysterious and unpredictable to a child, so phrasing it in personality terms can help make sense of your behavior for them. When children see that even grown-ups have different personalities and sometimes make mistakes or feel challenged by certain things, it makes the whole topic feel more relatable and less scary. 

3. Get them thinking about their friends’ personality traits and preferences

Children know their friends don’t always have the same opinions they do, or enjoy doing the same things they do. Once they know about personality types, this will all begin to make sense.

Make a game out of spotting traits in their friends, like guessing who in their group loves to try new things, who likes to make plans, or who always knows how everyone’s feeling. This helps kids see how everyone is different in fun ways, and shows them it’s normal to have different personalities in a group.

4. Relate personality typing to their interests and future activities

Children are naturally active and fun-loving, and what you teach them about personality types can help them figure out which games, clubs or activities might be the most fun for them now – and even help with picking classes or future jobs as they get older. Noticing what fits their personality can make choosing what to try next a lot more exciting and less stressful.

5. Explain that every personality type is unique and special

By far the most important lesson is that every personality type is different and brings something special to the table. Let your child know that their traits are important, and so are everyone else’s. Once children see that we all have our own mix of strengths, quirks and ways of seeing the world, they’ll feel good about being themselves. And when they’re old enough to take the Myers-Briggs personality test, they will be legitimately excited to learn the results, regardless of what their type might turn out to be.