How to Use Personality to Help You Get Out of the Friend Zone

Trying to move your relationship from "just friends" to romantic partners?  

You're going to need a strategy, because the dreaded friend zone is a tough place to be. You could be brave and put your intentions out there, but there's no guarantee the other person will feel the same. They might have intimacy issues you're not aware of, or they might simply not think of you in that way.

But you won't know unless you try, right?

One way of testing the waters is to look at your friendship through the lens of personality. You already know your friend, and likely have some insight into their personality type. Are they a homebody or the life of the party? Do they reason with logic or lead with emotions? Chances are, you can guess their four-letter code on the Briggs and Myers system.

An even better strategy is to have them take a personality test. This could be a fun buddy activity you do together—your friend doesn't have to know it's a sneaky ploy to help you escape the friend zone!

And even if the relationship never does progress to the next level, at least you’ll have gained some insight on how to make your friend happy and feel accepted for who they are. Your platonic relationship can benefit from understanding and respecting each other’s personalities.

Now you know your friend's type, let's look at strategies for making that personality work for you.

Introversion versus Extraversion: Go Deep Or Go Party!

Introverts are more reserved and introspective than Extraverts. They need time to themselves to refresh their energy levels, and they prefer deep one-on-one conversations over superficial chit-chat. They may love a party as much as the next person, but they'll probably turn down as many invitations as they accept, and leave as soon as their energy starts to wane.

In contrast, Extraverts are energized by large groups, lively conversation and  constant stimulation. Socializing is a way to get their energy "fix" and they see it as an important form of self-expression as well.

How to use this to your advantage:

• Join an Introverted friend on a low-key outing. Create opportunities to get to know them on a deeper level by suggesting one-one-one activities they would enjoy, such as going for a hike,  trying out a new restaurant or even hitting the gym together. Be prepared to open up—you want to show those hidden depths that your crush has yet to discover.
• Joining an Extraverted friend at a social event. Be the one to mingle and strike up conversations with others while your friend is in their element. This will show them that you're easy-going and sociable, which can be attractive qualities to an Extravert. You might also use a low-pressure social environment to attempt some low-key flirting or show off your sense of humor. Bring out the side of you that may not be evident in your day-to-day friendship.

Sensing versus Intuition: Experience Life or Explore Ideas

People who prefer Sensing interact with the world primarily through their five senses. They want to get out and experience life, rather than just talking about it or constantly analyzing it. 

Things are totally different with Intuitives. They’re constantly on the lookout for hidden patterns and fascinating secrets that explain how the world really works. Intuitives are always looking beyond the  surface to discover what lies beneath.

How to use this to your advantage:

• Have some Sensor-style fun with your Sensing friend. Take them to a wine tasting, try out a new sport or go to a water park if they're in a playful mood. Or if they love culture, take them to a  museum or the theater. While enjoying activities together, seize the moment to share personal stories or past experiences. Your Sensor friend will enjoy sharing their trivia prowess and love of hands-on learning. Research shows that spending time with a person can make someone appear more attractive, so take advantage of those close moments to get closer.
• Be prepared to really talk about it with your Intuitive friend. You might do exactly the same activities with an Intuitive friend as you would with a Sensor friend, but the conversations you have will likely be completely different. You might discuss the symbolism in the art museum (even coming up with your own interpretations), or delve into deep discussions about life and the universe over a glass of wine. Whatever the activity, come prepared to analyze, debate and solve the mysteries of the universe together.

Thinking versus Feeling: Solve Puzzles or Solve People

As the name implies, Thinkers rely on rationality and logic to guide them. They don’t dismiss emotions, but try to account for them and minimize them as a factor when making what they think are crucial choices. 

This is quite different from Feelers, who depend on their values and moral instincts to guide them. They care a lot about how others are affected by their decisions, and they trust their own sense of right and wrong more than they trust pure logic.

How to use this to your advantage:

• Go with your Feeler friend to volunteer or protest. Look for a cause that you both care about, and find a way to support it by volunteering, maybe attending a local demonstration or some other form of worthy service. Feelers are in touch with their emotions. Anyone who pulls stunts with them, such as showboating or manipulating, is likely to be called out. Plan an outing with your Feelers that involves giving back and focusing on others in some way; you're sure to connect on a deeper level.
• Hit up an escape room with your Thinker friend. With Thinkers, you're off the hook with big romantic gestures. Anything problem-solving and puzzle-related will be a blast for them, and if you can make it a double non-date with another couple, even better! You want this person to think, "Oh, I love spending time with you" and this type of activity will put you in the best light possible. Thinkers make decisions with their heads, but once they're smitten, their hearts soon follow.

Judging versus Perceiving: No Surprises or Total Spontaneity

Judging types value structure, predictability and order. This doesn't mean they're boring—far from it! But they prefer to plan their lives rather than just let things happen by chance.

Things are different for Perceivers, who prize spontaneity and flexibility and are always ready to try something new or take an unexpected detour. The Perceiver prefers to go with the flow, as they want to make sure they take full advantage of every opportunity that arises. 

How to use this to your advantage:

• Be reliable with your Judger friend. If you've made plans, don't cancel them at the last minute because something more interesting came up. If you said you'd be there at 8pm, stick to it or they will be worried and offended that you don't respect their time. On the flipside, surprise your Judger friend with a well-planned day trip or outing. They feel most comfortable when they have a clear idea of how things will go, but that doesn't mean they won't appreciate and enjoy a well-executed surprise.
• Suggest trying out something new or different on a whim with your Perceiver friend. Dinner at a restaurant you're walking by that has a unique menu, hitting up a local festival or event you saw advertised on the way to your original destination —these are all things that will make Perceivers happy. There's another aspect to being spontaneous—it sets the scene for you to make that big, bold move. It's a lot easier to go in for that first kiss when you're already doing something out of the ordinary together!

Get Out of the Friend ZoneThrough Personality

A personality-based approach to winning someone’s heart does not come with a guarantee of success—you still have to be brave and put your feelings out there! But it will make a lasting impression on the person you care about regardless of the final outcome, as it will show them that you’re willing to go the extra mile to make them feel understood and appreciated. At the very least it will strengthen your bonds of friendship, and at the very best it could lead to something even more magical.