I’m an INFP—Here’s How I Stopped Taking Everything So Personally

I’m renting a small house in an ashram near my home in India for a few months. It’s the unbearably hot season, so I’m the only guest. Most days, I feel like the only human on the planet as I wander barefoot between banyan trees, collecting fallen mangoes and tamarind pods. Monkeys roam the land, and a peacock I’ve named sits beside me each morning while I sip coffee on my rooftop.

It sounds like the perfect retreat for an Introvert, right? Here’s the catch.

Every day, men set off explosives outside the house. These are gut-wrenching blasts that rattle my furniture, jolt my nervous system, and send animals into panicked howls. They move these explosions across the property, shouting to each other as they go. And they set them off early in the morning while I’m sleeping or meditating.

When I complained, the housing manager told me the explosives were meant to scare away monkeys, not people, and said they’d ask the men to stop. They didn’t. They still haven’t. So each day begins with a jolt, followed by me trying to recover during what was supposed to be my quiet coffee-with-the-peacock time.

The situation is frustrating, and worth addressing. But I’m more concerned with a bigger issue that has emerged: I’ve made myself the main character in something that isn’t about me. Putting myself in the role of protagonist makes my suffering linger long after the explosions stop.  I feel targeted, lied to, disrespected. I replay the story in my head and cast myself as the victim.

In other words, I’m taking things personally. And as an INFP, I’ve noticed I do this a lot—about everything.

Isn’t Life Personal?

We all tell ourselves stories. And most of the time, we’re the main character. Whether it’s explosives and monkeys, an argument with a loved one, or an office dynamic gone awry, our mental chatter tends to revolve around what things mean about us.

But while taking things personally is common, it’s also limiting. Both ancient and modern theories tend to agree:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy calls taking things personally “personalization,” a kind of mental habit where we distort what’s really happening and make ourselves feel worse.
• Stoic philosophy from ancient Greece says we don’t control other people, only our own reactions. So when we keep taking things personally, we’re partly creating our own suffering.
• Buddhism teaches anatta, or ‘no fixed self,’ and non-attachment—the idea that we suffer less when we stop clinging so tightly to who we think we are or how life should be.
• Vedic philosophy emphasizes discernment (Viveka) and non-attachment (Vairagya). These practices help us see what’s really going on, rather than sinking into our own personal stories about it. 
• In his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz puts it simply: “Don’t take anything personally.” He believes people act from their own motivations, not because of us, and we create extra suffering when we tell ourselves stories that make it all about us. 

Different language, same idea: while we can move through life with a self-centered perspective, we suffer when we assume everything is about us. As an INFP, I’ve seen how easily I fall into that pattern and how strongly my personality can reinforce it. 

Why INFPs Are Prone to Taking Things Personally

1. We want things to be perfect, and feel offended when they are not.

INFPs care deeply about living in line with our values. When real life does not match what feels right or fair, it’s very easy to take it personally. Because I connect my identity to my ideals, it can feel like a personal attack when someone challenges what I believe, criticizes my character, or disturbs my peace. 

Personality theory links this to our cognitive functions, the mental habits we rely on most to make sense of the world. INFPs lead with Introverted Feeling (Fi), which makes us very protective of what matters to us, and we support it with Extraverted Intuition (Ne), which generates many possibilities and “what if” scenarios. Together, these functions can turn a simple situation into a big emotional story and make conflict feel more personal than it really is. 

2. Our inner dialogue is vibrant, and sometimes incessant.

Like most who fit the INFP profile, I overthink. I write, rewrite and mentally revise my stories and all the possibilities they could lead to. This is Extraverted Intuition in action— INFPs don’t just jump to conclusions based on our feelings, we also imagine multi-act dramas behind them, including hypothetical conversations and other people’s motivations for actions we may not understand. All that mental storytelling can pull us away from what is actually happening in front of us and make it easier to feel like a victim when something goes wrong. 

3. High sensitivity and self-doubt shape how we see things.

INFPs tend to feel things deeply and look for meaning in almost everything. That sensitivity can be a gift, because it helps us notice nuance and connect with others. But if I am not careful, it can also make me overreact to things that other people might brush off or keep me in situations that are not good for me, simply because I feel so much.

My main way of processing the world is Introverted Feeling (Fi), which means I lean on my inner emotions and values to understand what is happening. I am also prone to what INFPs sometimes call the Fi–Si loop. In simple terms, this is when I get stuck replaying old memories and old hurts instead of trusting my present-moment intuition. When that happens, it’s easy to turn against myself. Things that were never really about me start to feel like evidence that I am not good enough.

Helpful Practices for Not Taking Things Personally

When I notice myself taking things personally, these are the practices I come back to.

Observe objectively

Through mindfulness or meditation, we can learn to notice our thoughts and emotional reactions and let them pass without clinging to them. With practice, we become less likely to jump straight into defense mode or a victim mindset when something feels uncomfortable.

If formal meditation practices are not appealing, introspection can be another way to loosen the habit of personalization. You might try simple prompts or affirmations like:

• “Who or what is the ‘I’ that feels targeted right now?”
• “What story am I telling myself about this?”
• “I am not my [body, relationship, work, child, or anything else I am taking personally].”

With these prompts, we begin to see beyond the ego or personal perspective and build a little more distance from the daily ups and downs.

Avoid assumptions

It’s important to recognize that other people act on their own behalf, not ours. To put this bluntly, when somebody says or does something, it’s about them, not you!

Consider how often we infer the reasons behind another’s actions or the intention behind their words. Then, consider how often we’re wrong about our assumptions. In most cases, taking things personally involves jumping to conclusions.  Instead of filling in the gaps, learn to ask questions, clarify, and have an honest conversation about what is going on. 

Cultivate inner strength

Even when something feels personal, we can choose how we relate to it. A friend declines an invitation with a lame excuse? ? Maybe they’re busy or having a tough time. An editor passes on a piece? I remember that this isn’t necessarily a reflection of my work, it could just as easily reflect their priorities or fit. When we stop treating every outcome as a verdict on who we are, we build a steadier sense of self—and it starts with giving others the benefit of the doubt. 

Final Thoughts

As an INFP, I try to calm my inner world so I can feel more at peace in my surroundings. Learning not to take things so personally helps me grow the discernment and wisdom I need to do that. Will it change an external situation? Not always. But in the case of the explosives, it has already started to help. When I looked beyond my personal grievances and spoke with the ashram administration about animal cruelty and air toxicity from the fireworks, they agreed to look for a new way to manage the monkeys. In the meantime, I am prepared to turn a daily disturbance into a regular reminder that the only thing in life that is truly personal is my own mind.