Is It Morally Okay to Have a Work Spouse (And How to Keep It Professional If You Do)?

Do you have that one coworker who just gets you? The one you can vent to, laugh with and exchange knowing eye-rolls during boring, dragged-out meetings? Congrats, you might have a “work spouse”—a coworker with whom you have a close, platonic bond, kind of like your best workplace buddy. 

Having a work spouse can make the daily grind a lot more bearable, but it’s not all sunshine and sarcasm. There are some risks, especially if you let the work-spousal dynamic get out of hand. 

The Upsides of Having a Work Spouse

Having someone to crack jokes and share memes with at work can boost your motivation to show up and tackle the day, especially if your job isn’t the most exciting to begin with. In 2017, job site Total Jobs interviewed over 4,000 people and found that 60% of them looked forward to work thanks to their office better half. These people are in the trenches with you—they get your toxic boss problems far better than an actual spouse who will never truly understand your work-related venting as much as your work spouse does. 

If you and your work spouse are on the same team, their presence can also indirectly improve your team contributions. With a work spouse in your corner, even the quietest, most spotlight-avoidant personalities among us (looking at you, INFPs and ISFPs) may feel more comfortable voicing their ideas. It’s easier to speak up when you know at least one person will listen and acknowledge your input.

And if you’re lucky, your work spouse could even help you grow professionally. He or she may give you honest and valuable feedback, without the game-playing or office politics. Having someone within the company who understands your work style and strengths can be a huge asset when it comes to selling yourself, seeking promotions or simply staying on top of your game.

When Having a Work Spouse Goes Bad

Of course, there's always the risk that the lines between friendship and professionalism can become blurred.  Here are the main risks to watch out for, plus some tips on how to prevent them.

Things Can Get… Complicated

A major risk of having a work spouse is that it might evolve from a platonic bond into something with romantic or sexual overtones. Because let’s be real, if you’re attracted to someone, you can’t just “turn it off.” And if lines get crossed, it can make working together awkward, or even affect your career. 

According to a 2023 SHRM survey, 24% of U.S. workers have had a work spouse and 20% of them felt romantic feelings toward this individual. And nearly one in five workers who have been in a workplace romance say that their career suffered from it. It's a high-stakes risk, so it's important to be aware of the potential consequences.

Tips for keeping things platonic: No one is saying that your work spouse cannot become the love of your life, but unless you're sure that's the case, and you're prepared for the potential fallout, it's best to keep things strictly professional. In practice, this means limiting your one-on-one interactions with them, especially outside of work. And if you notice flirty banter creeping in from their end, redirect the conversation back to work.

The Risk of Special Treatment 

Even if the relationship is purely platonic, things can still get complicated. You may be tempted to give your work spouse special treatment, such as helping them out with their workload, being lenient on deadlines or cherry-picking projects for them.That's extremely problematic if one of you is more senior.  Other colleagues may dislike that you are playing favorites, spoiling team dynamics.

Tips for keeping it professional: Don’t take advantage of your work-spousal relationship and don’t let the other person do it either. If you’re more senior, avoid giving them special treatment. If you’re subordinate, don’t pressure them into closing their eyes to your mistakes just because you’re buddy-buddy. Boundaries are important to maintain a healthy and fair working relationship with your work spouse — talk about your expectations early on to avoid misunderstandings.

It Can Cause Unhealthy Dependency

If your work spouse becomes your only source of social camaraderie at work, you might just end up sticking to them and not interacting with other colleagues. Introverts can easily fall into this pattern because they tend to struggle in large groups and prefer to confide in a few select people. 

Exclusivity with your work spouse can translate into missed opportunities at best. It can also leave you feeling alone and isolated if your work spouse leaves the company or the relationship fades for other reasons.

Tips for maintaining a healthy relationship: Make an effort to develop relationships with other co-workers, even if you enjoy your work spouse’s company more than anyone else’s. Perhaps invite another colleague on a coffee break on occasion or just join in on group watercooler conversations every now and then. You need to hedge against the possibility of one day losing your work spouse and feeling alone in the workplace. 

It Can Kill Your Real Relationship

This is the big one — sharing a close bond with a colleague while you're married or in a committed relationship can cause jealousy and tension with your significant other. Your actual spouse may feel like they are being replaced, or that you are emotionally investing more into your work spouse than them. At best, they will laugh along when you give your "work husband" a Valentine's Day card. At worst, they will see it as a form of infidelity.

Tips for navigating this tricky situation: Be mindful of how much time you spend with your work spouse and how much of yourself you're sharing with them. Who you turn to for support and emotional fulfillment can send a message to your significant other about the health of your relationship. If you're already having problems in your marriage or relationship, it's probably best to avoid having a work spouse altogether.

So, Should You Have a Work Spouse?

There's no right answer. Having someone to laugh with and vent to at work can definitely brighten up your days and may benefit your career in several ways. But as with all good things, it's important to keep the relationship in check. Adding romance to the mix or becoming too dependent on this one relationship can have serious consequences. Ethically, you need to make sure that favoritism doesn't creep in. If you can handle all of that, why not have a work spouse? After all, we spend so much time at work. We might as well make the most of it and enjoy the ride.