The Myers-Briggs Conversation Starters That Will Bring You and Your Parents Closer Than Ever

Connecting with your parents as an adult can be tricky, especially if you’re on completely different wavelengths. You don’t want to revert to your child / parent roles or listen to their unsolicited advice about what you “should” be doing with your life, but you do want to stay connected in a meaningful way.

The good news is that you can have easy, judgment-free conversations that bring you closer without slipping back into old family dynamics. You just need to know what gets them talking, and that basically comes down to understanding their personality. So, let’s talk about the kinds of questions you can ask your parents to truly engage them, adult to adult, based on their Myers and Briggs personality type.

INFP: “How’s That Book You’re Reading?”

Connecting with an INFP parent works best when the conversation concerns their passions, experiences and ideas that matter to them on a deeper level. Everyday questions that show genuine curiosity about what they care about will be especially effective (e.g. “How’s that book you bought when we were shopping last week? What is it about?”).

Avoid: Surface-level small talk (e.g. weather updates) and overly practical and logistical topics (chores, schedules, routines). Those kinds of conversations can feel dull to INFPs, and they’re likely to zone out or only half-listen.

INTP: “What’s been on your mind lately?”

To connect with your INTP parent, it’s best to give them freedom to share what’s been occupying their mind instead of pushing a specific topic. They tend to light up when talking about something they're really into, so open-ended questions (e.g. “Watched anything interesting lately?” or “What’s been on your mind recently?”) would work far better than direct probing. 

Avoid: Small talk and emotionally charged questions like “Why haven’t you called lately?” That sounds like an accusation and it will shut them down. Keep it curious, playful and maybe a bit intellectual.

ISFP: “Have you chosen anything yet for the décor?”

Your ISFP parent might not be a talker, but they’ll light up when you ask them about a hobby or creative project they’ve been immersed in lately (e.g. “Have you decided on anything yet for the new living room décor?”). They’re also very nostalgic and have vivid sensory memory. So another great way to spark a convo is with something like, “Remember that retro place we used to go to? I walked in the other day, and it’s changed so much!”

Avoid: Asking them pointed questions like “Is everything okay with you? You’ve been so distant lately.” ISFPs take time to process things and will open up about the deep, personal stuff when they feel ready. Asking directly can make them feel intruded upon.

ISTP: “How’s the bedroom makeover coming along?”

Your ISTP parent will appreciate conversations that revolve around what they’re doing, especially hands-on projects or anything they're building, fixing or improving. So just ask them for updates about what they are currently tinkering with, like “How’s the bedroom makeover coming along?”. They’ll enjoy walking you through all the practical details.

Avoid: Overly abstract or future-oriented talk since ISTPs prefer to focus on the here and now. Also, don’t use them as your emotional sounding board or expect deep advice on personal drama. They’ll likely feel uncomfortable... and honestly, not be all that helpful.

INFJ: “Read anything lately that got you thinking?”

INFJ parents enjoy conversations that are insightful and reflective, such as discussing life lessons, philosophies or self-improvement books they’ve been exploring. As natural counselors, they'll also be engaged—and even feel touched—if you share something personal that’s been troubling you and ask for their advice.

Avoid: Bringing up mundane or routine topics as INFJs crave depth, even in everyday conversations. However, be careful not to pry too much into their deep, personal stuff unless they bring it up themselves.

INTJ: “Still working on that project you mentioned?”

You’ll connect best with your INTJ parent by asking about something they are planning or building toward, like “Still working on the [project/goal] you mentioned last time we talked?” On a lighter note, you can also ask them about processes they’ve recently optimized or figured out (e.g. “Did you end up cracking that scheduling problem you were dealing with at work?”).

Avoid: Launching into spontaneous, unfocused chats. INTJs enjoy structured conversations with at least some sense of direction and may zone out or even get annoyed if things start to veer off into rambling territory.

ISFJ: “How’s the garden coming along?”

To connect with your ISFJ parent, ask them for the updates on the current projects or responsibilities they’re putting a lot of effort into and take pride in (e.g. “How’s the garden coming along?”). You can also ask them about their duties, especially the ones that involve caring for others, like “How’s everyone doing in that volunteer group you’re part of?”.

Avoid: Asking them how they feel about things. While ISFJs have a strong grasp of their emotions, they tend to struggle to express them outwardly. Also, steer clear of abstract, vague and hypothetical topics (e.g. “What will you do if AI takes your job?”).

ISTJ: “What’s your current morning routine like?”

A great way to connect with your ISTJ parent is to ask them questions about their routines (e.g. “What’s your current morning routine like?”). They enjoy making everything run more smoothly and efficiently, so they’re always up for talking about how their systems are working and whether they’ve made any improvements. Questions to do with planning and organizing like “What’s on your to-do list for the week ahead?” or “how’s the new gym routine working out for you?” will also get the conversation going. 

Avoid: Asking them anything abstract, introspective or too emotional. ISTJs prefer grounded, tangible conversations and would be put off by anything ambiguous or touchy-feely.

ENFP: “What’s the latest with your big idea?”

To engage your ENFP parent, ask about their latest ideas, projects or visions, and keep the conversation focused on their big-picture goals and sources of inspiration. For example, you can ask them something like, “What’s the latest with [X goal]? Are you still moving forward with it?” or “What’s your long-term vision for [Y project]?”

Avoid: Overly detailed schedules, processes and routine chores. ENFPs love to talk about their passions, but only when it concerns big-picture vision rather than the nitty-gritty logistics involved.

ENTP: “What’s your take on that news story?”

ENTP parents would appreciate questions that invite them to share their unconventional perspectives and maybe even spur a playful debate. You don’t have to go far for the material. Just pick a big story in the news and ask for their take, like ““I heard about the new government plan to [change something important]. What’s your take on it?”. They’ll likely have an opinion and some arguments to back it up. 

Avoid: Boring small talk and the mundane practicalities of life. ENTPs get energized by novelty and mental stimulation, so routine updates and everyday minutiae will feel dull and wasteful to them.

ESFP: “What fun plans do you have coming up?”

When chatting with your ESFP parent, there’s only one rule to keep in mind: keep things fun and light-hearted! Maybe ask them about how the latest event they attended went or what fun plans they have coming up on their social calendar for the week or month ahead. They also don’t shy away from a little gossip, so feel free to dive into that too!

Avoid: Future-oriented questions that remind them of boring chores or errands they have to do. They’ll also be put off by deep, philosophical and introspective stuff. So if you’re in the mood for a “What’s the meaning of life?” type of conversation, save it for someone else. 

ESTP: “What was the highlight of your recent trip?”

When chatting with your ESTP parent, keep things lively and hands-on. Ask them about their recent adventures (e.g. “What was the highlight of that trip you just took?”) or exciting plans they have made (e.g. “Have any fun plans for this month?”). They’ll light up when they get to relive the action or share what’s coming next.

Avoid: Anything that feels heavy or theoretical. For example, don’t drag them into a conversation about the ethical implications of a controversial new tax law or government policy. ESTPs live in the moment and don’t want to be bogged down by overthinking.

ENFJ: “How’s everyone in the family doing?”

To connect with an ENFJ parent, focus on people-centered topics. Simple questions like, “How’s everyone in the family doing?” are a good starting point. They also enjoy giving advice and helping others, so asking for their perspective on a problem will definitely engage them. So feel free to share what’s been bothering you or where you’re struggling, and ask for their thoughts. 

Avoid: Gossiping or venting without a constructive purpose, like simply complaining about how angry you are at someone. ENFJs are sensitive to harmony and can be weighed down by that.

ENTJ: “What personal best are you chasing right now?”

When talking to your ENTJ parent, you can’t go wrong by asking them about their progress and achievements, whether in their work or personal pursuits. For example, if they’re really into fitness, you might ask them about what personal best they are training for these days.

Avoid: Anything too personal or emotional, like, “How do you feel about X or Y?” ENTJs are more interested in talking about how things are moving forward, not how they feel about them.

ESFJ: “How’s the holiday planning coming along?”

ESFJ parents love chatting about people and everyday life, especially things they help organize (e.g. “How’s the planning for Thanksgiving coming along?”). They also enjoy giving practical advice and helping out, so they’ll also enjoy conversations that recognize their efforts and ask for their tips, like, “I could really use your advice on how to set up the tables for the wedding. Got any suggestions?”.

Avoid: Overly abstract discussions, debates that feel confrontational, or complaints without a constructive purpose. ESFJs value harmony and practical solutions, so conversations that are heavy, purely critical or emotionally negative can feel draining and unproductive to them.

ESTJ: “How did that staff meeting go?”

ESTJ parents will light up when the conversation connects to organizing, managing or leading people. So, ask them how their efforts in that area are going, with questions like, “How’s your team handling that project?” or “How did the staff / housing association / church meeting go? Did you manage to get everyone aligned?”.

Avoid: Deeply personal or emotional conversations, as these can make them feel awkward or out of their depth. Also, skip small talk or vague questions like, “So… how’s life?” as they tend to see those as aimless or unproductive.