Narcissism Gets a Bad Rap, But a Little "Me" Focus Can Do You Good

We all know the legendary tale of Narcissus—a striking young man from Ancient Greece who met a tragic end because he, quite literally, couldn’t tear himself away from his own reflection.

It's thanks to Narcissus that we have the term narcissism. Someone with narcissistic traits is likely to be self-centered and egotistical. They may chase power and status and get offended if you don’t treat them like they’re special. 

Obviously, being too narcissistic is a bad thing. But let’s flip the switch for a second. 

Sure, Narcissus loved his reflection way too much. But imagine if he hadn’t cared at all? He’d probably smell a bit, look unkempt, have zero sense of self-worth, and struggle to fit into society. 

That’s the interesting thing about narcissism. A little bit of it is perfectly healthy—and actually scientifically recommended. 

Now, we’re not saying you should become a “Pick Me Girl” (or Boy) by any means, but a life void of narcissism is actually just as bad as being completely self-obsessed.

Narcissism, Echoism and the Happy Inbetween

Narcissism gets a bad rep because it’s become synonymous with self-centeredness. But, really, narcissism exists on a spectrum—and the sweet spot is just in the middle. 

On the high end of the spectrum, you’ve got your Patrick Bateman-esque, totally self-centered egoists who may have a diagnosable personality disorder. 

On the low end, you’ll find what’s known as echoists—people who actively go out of their way to avoid attention. Echoists are extreme people-pleasers. They put others first to the point they forget their own needs and shun the spotlight at all costs. 

While these traits might sound admirable and martyr-like, echoists are driven by a deep fear that expressing their thoughts and feelings will lead to rejection. As a result, they repress their opinions, have diminished self-esteem and struggle to stand up for themselves. 

Have You Got the Balance Right? Four Ways to Tell  

Clearly, being too selfless is just as unhealthy as being too selfish. 

So, how do you know if you’ve got the balance right? Here’s four tell-tale indicators to check that you’re falling  comfortably in the middle of the narcissism scale. 

1. You Can Bounce Back From Failure

Life is inherently full of ups and downs. When you get knocked back, a normal amount of the narcissism trait can help you to get back up. 

Whether you didn’t get the job you wanted, just broke up with your long-term partner or had the worst commute of your life, healthy self-regard enables you to build resilience and push forward during stress. 

Full blown narcissists, on the other hand, become arrogant and haughty when faced with failure. They can’t stand to lose and may even seek vengeance on whoever they think wronged them. 

On the other end of the spectrum, an echoist will find it really hard to be their own cheerleader. They lack faith in their abilities, and will struggle to stretch their comfort zone for fear of failure. 

2. You Set Goals and Reach for Them

Another benefit of demonstrating a little narcissism? It helps you develop the courage to pursue your goals. 

By loving yourself, and wanting success, and believing that you’re worthy of all the good things that happen in your life, you’ll naturally feel inclined to pursue things that bring you meaning and joy. 

That’s not to say you’ll bulldoze over other people as you strive to reach your goals. Healthy narcissism works in tandem with emotional intelligence skills like empathy. When you get the balance right, you’ll be able to balance your needs and the needs of others with grace. 

Wondering how you score when it comes to emotional intelligence? You can take our free quiz here. 

3. You’re Happy in Who You Are

Perhaps the most common misnomer around narcissism is its association with self-obsession. We all know that narcissists have an inflated sense of their own abilities and believe they are superior to others, don’t we?

Really, healthy narcissism is about having high, but not excessive, self esteem. 

As countless studies show, cultivating high-self esteem makes life more joyful, social and fun. Have you heard the expression, “You can’t love others until you love yourself?” Well, it’s true. Having a good sense of self-worth even improves your chances of career success.  

So, if you struggle to feel good about yourself, or feel disconnected from your wants and needs, a dose of narcissism might be just what you need. We’re not saying you should disregard other people by any means, but it’s wise to also value your own thoughts and feelings.

4. You Have Fulfilling Relationships

Excessively narcissistic individuals struggle to build and maintain close relationships, for obvious reasons. After all, who wants to hang around with someone who’s “me, me, me” all the time? 

On the flip side, though, if you’re an echoist, you’ll probably also struggle in relationships. You might have plenty of friends and a partner, but you’ll lack fulfillment and joy in these relationships because of your tendency to swallow your own needs. An echoist is more likely to live the lifestyle their partner wants, rather than their own, and that can lead to resentment over time.

When you have a healthy level of narcissism, your relationships can reach their full potential. You’ll be intentional about who you spend your time with, know when and when not to compromise, and feel comfortable being your true self. Your self-worth won't be tied up to your relationships, and you won't feel constantly drained from sacrificing your own desires for the sake of others. 

Where to Go From Here

If you’re reading this and realize your narcissism score is, like, minus one million, it’s time to boost your self-esteem. Despite the foreboding tale of Narcissus, we all need a little narcissism in our lives to be happy, healthy and fulfilled. 

Whether you treat yourself to something nice, do something you want that you’ve been scared of doing, or just talk more positively to yourself, remember that self-compassion and self-care aren’t selfish. 

In fact, practicing some self-love will make you a more confident and courageous person. And everyone around you will benefit from that.