New Year, New You: The Toxic Mindset That’s Setting You Up To Fail

Isn’t it great how the New Year can feel like a clean slate? On January 1st, we give ourselves permission to forget all about last year’s mishaps, drama and regrets. It’s not just a New Year, it’s a “New You”… right? 

Turns out, this mindset may be more toxic than empowering. Firing the starter gun on a whole new set of goals should put you on the path to a happier, healthier life. But let's be honest, how many of your resolutions are based on things you did wrong last year? How many focus on what you hate about yourself, your career or your relationships? How many of them are focused on radically fixing perceived flaws or reaching a certain ideal? How many are rehashing the same completely out-there and unrealistic goals you made last year but didn’t achieve?

It’s time to recognize that this “New Year, New You” mentality may be putting way too much pressure on you, especially when it comes from a place of shame instead of recognizing all the good things about you as a person.

Here are some reasons why you should stop trying to reinvent yourself each year. Plus, we recommend some different strategies to help you gently course correct towards a better future that doesn't hinge on hating yourself.

1. There's no such thing as a full personality makeover

Self-improvement is always a positive goal to have, but what is self-improvement really? Is it changing everything about yourself to fit a mold you think you should be in? Or is it slowly honing your natural talents, accepting yourself for who you are and taking small steps to improve certain aspects of your life?

Trying to change yourself completely is a garbage mindset. Attempting to create a "New You" implies that the "Current You" is somehow unsatisfactory or not good enough. It forgets and dismisses all strengths you bring to the table and the valuable lessons that the previous year had to teach you. All those failures, successes, missed and seized opportunities shaped you. You can't erase that and start over, only build on it.

What to do instead: Hold onto what makes you special  

Throwing away who you are to become someone else is not going to do you any favors. And it certainly won’t make you happy. A better resolution is to embrace what you have to give the world. Everyone has good traits, so stand in your power. Find joy by loving yourself and seeing your worth, as this will make you confident to chase more realistic goals.

2. Comparing yourself to others won't lead to lasting happiness

How did you arrive at your vision of the "New You"? Often, our resolutions are built on comparisons. We see so-and-so on social media living the life we think we want, so we try to emulate them. Or we compare ourselves to a friend who seems to have it all together. Guess what? Comparisonitis is the disease that's guaranteed to zap your self-esteem. A friend's promotion has nothing to do with you. An influencer making $5 million a year while working 10 hours a week has literally nothing to do with you (and may not even be true). But when we look at other people's highlight reels, it's easy to get disheartened and feel like we're falling short.

What to do instead: Create goals based on your own values

Time to be honest—are your goals really your goals or are you just envious? Go through your list and check that each goal feels authentic to you. If you're planning to hit the gym at 4.30 am every day because you saw someone on Instagram doing it, but you're not a morning person, it's time to rethink. Tell yourself, “I’m comparing again!” to catch your behavior. Notice how these thoughts make you feel. Try to use them as fuel to fine-tune what you want and how you can achieve it in your special way. It’s not about anyone else but you.

3. January is just a month

Everything seems possible when you wrap up an old year, but it's just the day when the planet finishes orbiting around the sun. There are still 365 other days that will follow, and that's just this year alone! Although the New Year feels like a clean slate, be careful that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself to do too much, too soon. Time is on your side, so don’t get caught up in the January hype.

What to do instead: Set small, achievable goals throughout the year

Instead of making a long list of lofty resolutions at the beginning of the year, break them down into smaller, manageable goals that you can achieve throughout the year. Have monthly goals (work out twice a week, research a new career you're interested in) and longer-term, stretch goals (get promoted to a higher position, run a marathon). This way, you can pace yourself. Most people abandon their resolutions by February so keep refreshing them as the year goes on. Add to your list with mid-year goals, instead of committing to a bunch of them in January. Situations change, and your goals should too.

4. You're imagining the perfect vision of yourself 

We all have a fantasy self, and New Year is the time these fantasies come out to play. It's all too easy to visualize an ideal version of ourselves—the person who is put together, super-nice and doing all the good things in this world. When reality bites and you miss these standards, you feel like a terrible person.  But it's hard to let go of a dream, especially when the New Year offers such hope of self-improvement. It's easy to convince ourselves that if we can't be perfect, then we may as well give up on trying to change altogether.

What to do instead:  Be realistic about where you are now and where you could be in the future

Perfection is a myth, and striving for it can lead to disappointment and self-loathing. A better approach is to challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself, and start your growth journey from a more realistic place. Are you really as terrible as you think? What did you do well last year that you could do more of? Try to go a bit easy on yourself. Life’s meant to be enjoyed, not endured.

5. Your resolutions come from a place of shame

Do you know what America's top New Year's Resolutions were in 2024? Save more money. Exercise more. Eat healthier. Lose weight.  At face value, these are admirable goals. But if we dig a little deeper, we find that they all come from a place of shame. We feel guilty for spending too much money last year, not taking care of our health, or indulging in food too often. Shame and guilt don’t work to inspire self-improvement because the harder you are on yourself, the more you’ll want to rebel. You know how it goes:  "I shouldn't eat this cake but what the heck, I'm so terrible anyway. Pass me that third slice." Bye-bye, motivation! 

What to do instead: Change the mindset to be kinder to yourself

Reflect on the reasons behind any changes you want to make. Are they based in self-love and self-growth, or in criticism and judgment? Since being hard on yourself doesn’t fuel authentic progress, reframe your goals in a positive way that doesn’t involve treating yourself badly. For example, instead of saying, “I’m such a failure, I have to succeed and I’ll push myself to get there!” say something like, “I’m learning about myself and my needs and I’m working towards becoming the best version of myself.” It may not have the whizz-bang factor, but it's a sustainable way of being that will help you grow authentically, instead of burning out by the middle of the year.