Signs You’re Being Way Too Dramatic, Based on Your Myers and Briggs Personality Type

We have all reacted way too strongly to being hurt, surprised, shocked or excited. While we always feel justified in the moment, it’s cringeworthy to look back on our reactions and think Yikes. Was that really necessary?

While some of us tend to be more dramatic than others (cough ESFPs cough), every personality type has a tendency to go overboard in their reactions at times. What does that look like for each type? 

Read on for some words or wisdom (and a few harsh nuggets of truth). And if the advice is hard to hear? Take a deep breath and go do something that brings you joy, this article is meant to be fun – take what resonates and leave the rest behind. Cheers!

ESTJ: You Call People Out in Public

Control and self-confidence are your middle names, ESTJ.  While these are great traits for an army captain or corporate leader, they can also make you come off as intimidating and overbearing in social situations. If someone offends you, you may go off on the other person – no matter where they are or who is watching. 

Publicly assaulting another person is rarely productive, and the extra drama can even cause more problems. Although it’s in your nature to react quickly and resolve problems, be careful not to assume that everyone operates the same way that you do. Sometimes you’re the one who will need to bend to the environment (low-key chill out a little), rather than expecting everyone to get on your level.

Take a breath, ESTJ. Sometimes it’s better to address the issue in private rather than causing a scene in public.

ISTJ: You Blow Things Out of Proportion

ISTJs trust their own judgment, often to the point where you just cannot hear what the other person is saying. Often, you'll enter a conflict because you need to have something be done in the way that you planned. When others propose alternatives, your mind spins out all the worst-possible scenarios and before you know it, you're convinced that your world is ending. 

But a change of plans, believe it or not, is not the end of the world. And sometimes a different opinion may actually be worth your time to consider (shocking, I know!). You’re used to being the person who has it all together, but rigidly grasping to one course of action can actually hold you back, and is likely keeping you from experiencing real freedom and creativity.

Take a step back and think about the times in your life when things didn’t go as planned, ISTJ. Likely, the outcome was not as poor as you predicted it would be.

ESFJ: You Take Everything Personally

ESFJs tend to overestimate their importance in the lives of others. This can make them see even small signs of annoyance as personal attacks, and that is an exhausting way to live. If someone is acting oddly, of course you’ll think they have a problem with you—it can't possibly be their own issue, right? 

Here’s a hard truth, ESFJ: Not everything is about you. And quite frankly, most people aren’t overanalyzing the meaning behind every person’s actions as much as you do, either. Most of us are just living our lives the best we can. They probably reacted to your selfie with the “care” Emoji because they like you, not because they’re thinking, “Bless her heart, she tried to look cute.”

To cut the drama, take time to weigh up people's actions in a non-accusatory way. Unless they have explicitly stated that they are upset with you, consider that it really could be about them and not you.

ISFJ: You Make Yourself a Martyr (And Resent Others For It)

ISFJs love serving others and hate it when their good deeds go unnoticed. But because you're really bad at setting boundaries, others will continue to take, take, take. ISFJs then explode during conflicts, citing every time that the good things they did for others were unappreciated.

We get it, ISFJ. You’re an amazing person. No one is questioning that. And it’s true that your good deeds often go unnoticed or underappreciated. But this fact doesn’t elevate you to a higher tier of moral goodness than other people, and you don’t get a trophy for being the world’s best martyr. People ask for and expect things from you because you’re so willing to give. It doesn’t mean everyone is out to take advantage of you. Some people just need to be told ‘no’ every once in a while.

Learn some healthy boundaries, ISFJ. When people are not allowed to take advantage of you, you'll be much happier, and less dramatic.

ESTP: You Act First, Think Later

ESTPs are not dramatic as much as they are reckless. You tend to get impulsive when you get angry and may lash out in the form of poor decisions (e.g., the post-breakup hair-dye or tattoo situation). Using anger as fuel helps you feel more in control.

But you can probably count on one hand the times that an anger-fueled impulsive decision left you better off in the long-term. Sure, maybe the purple hair was cool for a while, but what about the time you hooked up with your roommate’s ‘situation-ship’ after a few too many drinks? I’m not saying YOU did that, I’m just saying that ESTPs have the potential to cause major drama when they let their anger control them, rather than the other way around.

You know from painful experience that it's a bad idea to make drastic decisions in anger. Rant about the situation in a journal 
or talk to a trusted confidant instead. You’ll have much less regret in the morning. 

ISTP: You Retreat

If someone or something makes them angry, an ISTP will completely disengage and act as though it doesn't matter. It's the perfect passive-aggressive response, and it often leads friends, family and colleagues to wonder if something is going on, but the detachment makes them too hesitant to ask.

Feelings are scary, I get it. Sometimes it’s easier to just move on and focus on your woodworking hobby or updating historical Wikipedia articles. While it is likely unbeknownst to you, when you detach from perceived drama, you become the drama. People may feel uncomfortable around you because they just don’t know what you’re feeling, or how they can help.

Withdrawal seems like a low-key way to sidestep uncomfortable emotions, but it can leave you with years of pent up resentment and very few real friendships. Have you thought about saying a simple “I feel angry with you because you said ___” instead?

ESFP: You Add More Than a Little Extra Flair

ESFPs usually hold plenty of social power and have a natural flair for the dramatic. When they're feeling all the emotions, they will tell everybody about it: embellishing the story, adding in details that might not have existed, and hiding all the uncomfortable truths that show them in a bad light.

While a splash of drama makes for a great story, real life requires a dash of vulnerability and transparency, too. Although people love your stories, you’re probably not fooling them as much as you think you are. Sometimes it’s helpful to take a long, hard look in the mirror and say, “I’m the problem, it’s me.” You are the problem sometimes (we all are) and that’s okay! The truth may hurt, but it’s easier when you share it.

So remember, ESFPs, the truth is always interesting enough (especially when you tell it). You don’t need to exaggerate to make your story more entertaining, and sometimes a little honesty goes a long way.

ISFP: You Take It Out on the Innocent

ISFPs hate confrontation. You handle drama by never telling the other person that you're upset. But all this hurt has to go somewhere, so you react by ghosting your family and friends to “work through things by yourself,” making that person feel confused and uncomfortable for weeks. And then they finally ask you what's up and you whisper, “Nevermind." 

Although you’re the main character of your inner world (and let’s be real – that world is a pretty cool place), most people aren’t in on the plot. People need you to tell them how you’re feeling and why. If someone hurts you, say something. Don’t expect others to read your mind. And stop calling everyone who makes your life worse a narcissist or sociopath. Maybe, just maybe, they simply don’t jive with you, and that’s okay! Even someone as sweet as you won’t be liked by everyone.

Instead of taking it out on the innocent, try expressing your emotions in a healthy and direct manner. It may not be easy, but it will save everyone from unnecessary drama.

ENTJ: You Get Aggressive and Intimidating

Oh boy. When an ENTJ gets into a situation, they can get tunnel vision and recognize one goal: winning. If they do not get their point across, it feels like they have failed to stand up for themselves. So they will shout, insult and out-reason to intimidate others into submission.

For you, ENTJ, it may be easy to simply see life as a game, and others as pawns you can use to maneuver your way to success. But don’t forget, you are human, too, and so is everyone else (well, except for your AI assistant). When you try to speed everything up, you lose touch with your values and compassion. If you’re struggling in a relationship, take a step back and try to see the situation from their point of view. You may see the situation – and yourself – in a different light.

Remember, ENTJ, not every disagreement is about winning. You can't unsay hurtful words, so exercise some of that self-control you're usually praised for.

INTJ: You Go Ice Cold

INTJs have the rare and not always helpful gift of being able to turn every panic situation into one of cold, cold logic. Even if you're in the wrong, you'll pick apart every flaw in the other person's argument to prove that you are right. It's the opposite of the shouty, demonstrative type of drama that other types might engage in, but just as lethal.

Even though you typically avoid drama, if someone hits the wrong nerve it’s over. Your words are sharp as a knife, and you likely underestimate their real impact. It feels good to hit ‘em where it hurts in the moment, but this response is actually a passive-aggressive way of dealing with real pain. What if you admitted to others – and yourself – when you’re hurting? Put a band-aid on your emotional scratches before they turn into deeper wounds.

Instead of using logic as a defense mechanism, try to listen and understand the other person's perspective. It’s important to acknowledge emotions – both yours and those of others. Keeping feelings bottled up will only make matters worse in the long term. Learning how to lean into emotionally charged situations with patience will help you resolve conflicts more effectively so that you can move toward what you’re best at: finding solutions.

ENTP: You Roast with Sarcasm

ENTPs are super funny. Often, you use humor to cope with difficult situations: if you can laugh about it, it becomes less scary in your mind. But your quick quips can turn into biting sarcasm all too quickly. An ENTP who feels attacked will roast your entire bloodline, and will do it in front of anybody.

Another issue, ENTP? You think you’re always right. And OK, maybe you are, a lot of the time, but not always. Yes, you’re smart and quick-witted, but this doesn’t mean you can just not listen to other people. It may feel good to use others who aren’t as witty as your punching bag, but honestly? It just makes you look like a jerk.

Although the insults seem to come easily, resist, ENTP!  Mirroring is a great technique for you: if you can teach yourself to repeat back what the other person is saying before responding, it will buy you time to think about your words.

INTP: You Attack Like a Robot

INTPs have a tendency to intellectualize and detach themselves from emotional situations. You're also observant. When faced with drama, you quickly realize what petty arguments are really about and use this knowledge to your advantage. It takes a lot to make INTPs angry, but once you are, the verbal attacks will run, and run, and run.

Listen INTP, I know you like to think of yourself as above the drama, but when you dismiss other people’s concerns as petty or insignificant you just seem like a pretentious a-hole. And nobody likes that person. While there are some situations that call for a good snarky remark, others require patience and understanding. The more you hold space for emotionally charged situation, the more you’ll learn to tell the difference.

Instead of judging from the sidelines or attacking with sharp precision, de-escalate situations with empathy, INTP. Once you use a deeply personal fact about someone against them or make them feel inferior for having feelings, it destroys the trust between you completely.

ENFJ: You Go All-Out Drama Fixer

ENFJs feel responsible for maintaining the peace and feel pressure to make up with someone who's behaving badly. As a result, you have a tendency to play the martyr and make a big deal about always having to “pick up all the pieces” of your broken relationships. Instead of giving the other person time to apologize, you will rush conflict resolution – and it won’t feel genuine because you’ll do it under pressure.

Say it after me, ENFJ: "Other people’s problems are not my responsibility." Now take a deep breath and let me hold your hand while I gently tell you that sometimes your attempts to fix the chaos actually makes it worse. Not everyone wants to talk it out and sometimes it’s okay to let tension simmer for a while. Rather than jump into fix-it mode, step back and ask yourself how you can best hold space for someone who needs it.

Remember, ENFJ, you don't always have to be the fixer. It's okay to give others time to initiate reconciliation.

INFJ: You Take Everything to Heart

INFJs, the rarest personality type, are usually self-aware to a fault. They know exactly what their flaws are and how they contributed to a drama-filled situation. Conflict can be extremely stressful for you because you take it as a reflection of your character instead of a simple disagreement.

First and foremost, INFJ, another person’s opinion of you is just that: an opinion. It doesn’t actually reflect your true nature or values. Some hard truth? People are allowed to not like you – and they don’t owe you an explanation for it. It’s generally easy for you to see conflict from multiple perspectives, but there are times when the other person just doesn’t make sense. Try not to overthink it and pick apart every little thing that you could have said wrong. Just wish them well and move on.

Remember, INFJ, you are not defined by one mistake or conflict. Don’t let words that someone spoke in anger redefine the person you know yourself to be. If someone's criticism of you doesn’t check out, throw it away.

ENFP: You Rant About It Forever

Talking is how ENFPs process their emotions. You might spend weeks analyzing tricky situations long after they’re over: Why did they say that? What does it mean? What does that say about the future of your friendship? For you, talking is coping. You'll text paragraphs to get things off your chest and send way too many requests for “closure."

Keep in mind that everyone processes conflict differently, and your constant attempts at outreach can come across as incredibly overwhelming to some people. It’s not that they don’t want to talk to you, but you have to allow them space to do it at their own pace. If they left the last ten messages you sent on ‘read’ then it’s probably time to take the hint!

Have you ever heard of perspective, ENFP? Instead of getting caught up in endless analysis, take a break from the situation. Write in a journal to process your feelings or do something else to distract yourself and come back to it later with fresh eyes and much less drama.

INFP: You Criticize Yourself

INFPs  have a personal narrative in their mind, one that tells the theme of their life story. For healthy INFPs, it’s positive. For example: “I have a unique purpose on this earth”. Positive narratives allow you to see the world through a dreamy, almost romantic lens. But, when you feel attacked or betrayed, this narrative takes a negative swing and you become your worst critic: “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up." 

But remember: only you have the pen to write your life story, so tell the story you want to hear. Try reframing negative thoughts in the moment: challenge an “I’m not good enough” with “I’m an amazing friend/partner/colleague because…” This approach will keep you from becoming the victim of a disaster that you may have just totally invented in your head.

So, instead of beating yourself up, INFP, try to find the positive in the situation. Remember that your worth is not defined by one event or person's actions towards you. Be compassionate with yourself: like everyone else on this planet, you are still learning how to be alive.

Final Thoughts: Am I the Drama? 

At the end of the day, we’re all a little messy, a little dramatic and a lot human. Our personality type might explain how we stir the pot, but it’s our self-awareness that determines whether we keep stirring or learn to let things settle. So whether you saw yourself in a spotlight of truth or just got a chuckle from the other types, remember: growth starts with being able to laugh at ourselves. And maybe next time, you’ll think twice before hitting send on that all-caps text. Maybe.

Are you the drama? Find out your most toxic trait by taking Truity’s Toxic Person test!