Why People With High EQ Have Fewer Friends—And It’s Not a Bad Thing

Emotional intelligence does more than just articulate emotions and build empathy: it fundamentally shapes how individuals navigate relationships with the people around them. And it turns out, people with high EQ often have fewer friends. 

That’s not because they are insular, picky or lack social skills. In fact, they are great communicators and are often in high demand socially. It’s just that they see friendships through a different lens—one shaped by high self-awareness, healthy boundaries and a strong sense of what others want and need from relationships. So, let’s talk about why having high emotional intelligence often means keeping one’s social circle small.

High EQ = High Standards 

First off, people with high EQ naturally gravitate towards others who also have high EQ. Research has found that romantic partners often display similar levels of emotional intelligence, which implies that people are likely to connect more deeply with those who are on a similar EQ wavelength. So, this pattern likely extends to friendships, as well.

We cannot say for certain why this happens. However, one reason may be that high EQ individuals tend to prioritize their emotional well-being, which is the ability to maintain a positive outlook on life and cope effectively with life’s challenges, stress and change. It’s easier to protect your well-being when you're surrounded by others who understand boundaries, communicate clearly and don’t project their issues onto everyone else. 

In contrast, being friends with people who lack EQ can really take a toll—constant drama, passive-aggressive behavior, or lack of consideration for other people’s feelings.

Plus, high EQ people can easily spot who is emotionally tuned in and who isn’t. They have a sharp social awareness radar and can pick up on subtle emotional cues based on others’ body language, tone, choice of words and even facial micro-expressions. As a result, they don’t just catch in-your-face low EQ behaviours like blatant rudeness and insensitivity (anyone can spot that), but notice quieter red flags, too, like an eye roll, a brief change in tone, or a dismissive comment disguised as a joke. 

While many people would let those “minor” things slide, they can be dealbreakers for people with high emotional intelligence, potentially disqualifying a lot of people from their social circle. Not in a snobby, mean or judgmental way (they’re usually still polite and friendly), but in a more selective, intentional way. 

They're Cool With Solitude 

While some people try to fill every spare minute with socializing because being alone means facing whatever emotional challenges they’ve been avoiding, high EQ people tend to be okay with solitude. One study found that during the COVID-19 lockdown, people with higher EQ were less likely to feel lonely, suggesting that they fare better emotionally when alone.

The likely reason for this is that high EQ people have strong emotional self-awareness and prioritize their emotional health. They don't let a backlog of unresolved emotions form. They check in regularly with their emotions, process them, and move on. 

If a high EQ person ends up in a situation where they don't have any friends around (for instance, because they just moved to a new city), they aren't going to chase new connections to tune out their thoughts or fill in the void. They trust that real connections will come in time, and until then, their own company is more than enough.

They Don’t Depend on Social Validation

Research shows that high EQ people also tend to have a solid sense of self-esteem. They are less likely to be affected by how many people text them back, how many parties or hangouts they get invited to, or how many likes and comments their social media posts get.

As far as friendships are concerned, they are focused on quality rather than quantity. They’re not interested in maintaining many shallow friendships just to feel included, liked or validated through popularity or by association with the “cool crowd.” They’re perfectly happy with having a few close friends who truly get them, treat them right and with whom they can share real quality time.

They Invest Deeply, Not Widely

People with high EQ often have a deep sense of empathy, which is one of five components of  emotional intelligence. There are different types of empathy, all equally valid. However, those who are high in emotional empathy really feel what others feel. These empathetic souls often end up playing central roles in their social groups. Research has discovered they are key connectors—the people others turn to for support, advice and a bridge between other people in the social circle.

Being the go-to person for everyone takes both energy and time. Even one close, meaningful friendship can use up a lot of emotional bandwidth when you have high levels of empathy. That’s why high EQ people tend to invest deeply into a select few rather than spread themselves thin over a wide friendship network.

Why High EQ People Are Right Keeping Their Circle Small

As it turns out, high EQ individuals’ instinct to stick with a few solid friends is a smart, researched-backed strategy. Studies have shown again and again that close, high-quality friendships are tied to better mental health, higher self-esteem and stronger life satisfaction. 

For example, a longitudinal study found that higher friendship quality is associated with lower levels of social anxiety. Another study showed that teens with high-quality friendships—defined as “close friendships with a degree of attachment and support, and those that allow for intimate exchanges”—tend to fare better in several aspects of mental health in later life. In contrast, popularity was linked to increased anxiety later in life, reinforcing that it's the quality, not the quantity, of friendships that supports emotional well-being.

Having high-quality friends is especially important for people who are single or who don’t feel satisfied in their romantic relationships. For example, one study found that if you have at least one best friend, just two good relationships (for example, with two friends, or with a friend and with a family member) are enough to keep your well-being high, even if your love life isn’t great. But if you don’t have that kind of friendship, your intimate relationship becomes the main factor in how you feel overall. 

While all of these studies don’t exactly say you need few close friends, it’s common sense that you can’t keep a bunch of deep friendships without making it a full-time job. Deep friendships take time and emotional energy, which most of us have in limited supply. That’s why trying to have many friends often means your relationships stay shallow.

Final Words

High emotional intelligence comes with a sharp awareness of how others show up emotionally, along with a strong instinct to protect one’s emotional well-being. This naturally raises the bar for who and how many people high EQ individuals are willing to accept into their social circle. Combine that with a deep sense of empathy, comfort with solitude, and little need for social validation, and it’s no surprise at all that high EQ folks often prefer to keep their friendship network small. 

What’s interesting is that having fewer friends can actually make your EQ even higher, especially in terms of your emotional self-awareness. When you're not constantly hanging out with people, you naturally end up spending more time in self-reflective mode, which gives you the space to understand what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling that way, and figure out how to manage those emotions better. In the end, high EQ isn’t just about understanding and appreciating others—it’s about honoring yourself, too.