10 Phrases People Use When They Have Low EQ

A friend gives you a blank stare when you mention how stressed you are at work. Your partner seems to shut down whenever you confront them about an issue in your relationship. Your boss has zero patience for even the smallest mistakes. If you’ve ever had to deal with a low-EQ person, you’ll know how frustrating it can be. 

Although the signs of low emotional intelligence can be subtle, spotting them can help you navigate difficult relationships and be better prepared to handle challenging situations with these types of individuals. The following phrases may sound benign, but they can actually be red flags for low EQ behavior.

And if you catch yourself saying any of these phrases, don’t worry! EQ is something you can improve. You can start by taking Truity’s EQ test to measure your emotional intelligence in five key areas. 

1. “I don’t have time for this.” 

People with low empathy—one of the five facets of emotional intelligence—will instinctively back away from uncomfortable feelings and situations. If you try to bring up a difficult topic with this person, there’s a good chance they will shut down the conversation by claiming they don’t have time for it. This is a defense mechanism—what they really mean is they are struggling to understand what you’re going through, and they don’t like that feeling of being out of control. Even more frustrating, they might not realize that what they’re doing is making you feel unheard.

2. “You’re overreacting.” 

Suppose you confront your partner about a lie they told or you admit to a friend that you are angry because of something that happened at work. Instead of listening to what you have to say, they tell you that you’re overreacting. "You're being dramatic," they say, or "you're making a big deal out of nothing." This is a classic low-EQ response. People with low emotional intelligence struggle to understand and regulate their own emotions, so they have difficulty comprehending the intensity of emotions in others.

3. “I’m just being honest.” 

Although honesty is important in relationships, people with low EQ might not understand that how the truth is delivered is just as important as what is being said. Instead of thinking about how their words affect others, they might prioritize their need to speak their mind. By comparison, people with high EQ know there’s a difference between being honest and being harsh. They tend to be more mindful of others’ feelings, and add a little sugar coating when necessary.

4. “Sorry you feel that way.” 

Have you ever received an apology that felt more like a diss? Instead of the person saying that they are sorry and acknowledging the part they played in hurting your feelings, they say they’re sorry for how you feel or that you took their words the wrong way. In other words, they’re making it your problem! Since people with low EQ tend to struggle to express authentic emotions, they might resort to impersonal apologies instead of heartfelt ones. High EQ individuals understand a little better when they’ve messed up and make amends. 

5. “That’s just how I am.” 

People who lack emotional intelligence can often be inflexible and resist opportunities to grow and evolve through life. This phrase is a classic example of someone refusing to take responsibility for their actions and make any changes—they may even view themselves as perfect, with no need for improvement. One facet of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which is the ability to reflect on one’s own emotional state and understand what you’re feeling and why. Unfortunately, this phrase is often used as an excuse for not doing so.  

6. “Fine, whatever.” 

This phrase is one of the more obvious in the list—there's no other meaning to take away from it than, "I don't care." If you're on the receiving end of this dismissive phrase, you may feel unheard and unimportant, and probably angry that this person is not even attempting to meet you halfway. There’s a link between low EQ and passive-aggressive behavior—that's because the person isn’t properly in tune with what they’re feeling.  “Fine, whatever” is the phrase to end all conversations. It shows that the person is disengaged and uninterested in seeing things from your perspective. 

7. “You always/you never.” 

Is someone gaslighting you by saying you “always” or “never” do something, even though it's not true? It could be their low EQ talking.  During an argument, it feels easier for them to put the blame on you for something instead of shining a light on their own shortcomings. If the person lacks empathy or social awareness, two of the five facets of emotional intelligence, they legitimately will not understand your perspective or how you feel when you're accused of doing something you did not do. This “you always/you never” phrase is manipulative and can make you question your own experiences.

8. “You made me feel…” 

While it’s only natural to be affected by what others say and do to us, acting as though you’re completely controlled by others and helpless because of it is a sign of low EQ. Whereas a self-aware person might use non-accusatory "I" statements (“I feel _____ when you say _____,”) low-EQ individuals will play the blame  game and make it seem like someone else is responsible for their response (“You made me feel angry” or “You hurt my feelings"). This type of statement shows a lack of personal responsibility and an inability to recognize and manage one’s own emotions.

9. “I don’t care what people think.” 

While it can be seen as a sign of confidence  to not care what others think, it can also be a sign that this person really does not want to receive criticism, even if it’s constructive. High EQ individuals know how to strike a balance between being true to who they are and being receptive to others’ opinions. Low EQ individuals don't.

10. “I’m not doing that anymore.”

One of the more surprising signs of low EQ is a lack of motivation. It's common for someone with low EQ to quickly toss their goals aside if they encounter obstacles and challenges on their path, choosing an easier or less stressful way of being. Before you assume the person is lazy or a procrastinator, understand that they could be struggling with poor coping skills during stressful situations because they cannot properly identify or regulate their emotional responses.

Final Words 

If someone uses any of the phrases mentioned in this article, it could be a sign that they have low scores on some, or possibly all, of the five facets of emotional intelligence. The good news?  The only way from here  is up. Emotional intelligence can be developed and improved upon with effort, self-reflection and practice—they just have to want to work on it.