7 Books to Soothe the INFJ's Nervous System

As an INFJ, you love your quiet time when you can be deeply introspective and explore the nooks and crannies of your soul. The right book can help you plunge into that sea of illuminating ideas while soothing and renewing your sensitive nervous system—whether it be filling you with hope and joy, or allowing you to slip into a state of calmness and peace.

Here are a few of my favorite books for nurturing the INFJ’s mind and soul. Find a quiet place, choose one, and dive in. You deserve it!

Exactly As You Are: The Life and Faith of Mister Rogers by Shea Tuttle

• Themes of empathy, harmony and vision.

“And as he said no to greater speed, more money, and higher ratings, he said yes to quieter goods: thoughtfulness, intentionality, and his own intuition and imagination for the work ...”

You won’t get a better dose of authenticity, kindness and love than from Fred Rogers. Tuttle takes us through Fred Rogers’ life, including his childhood, and explores his path to the beloved Mister Rogers that we came to know in the TV show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

Exemplifying every noble trait of the INFJ himself, Rogers lived his life with deep empathy, insight, harmony, and a clear vision for how people, especially children, should be treated. He felt for others with his whole being and had a deep conviction that all people deserved to be loved unconditionally, exactly as they are.

Rogers was fortunate to have found his life’s mission earlier in life as a Presbyterian Minister with a unique charge to help children love and accept themselves and others. I double dare you, my INFJ friends, to read this book and not be overrun with emotion as you get a glimpse of his heart and his passionate vision for humanity.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

• Themes of peace, solitude and idealism.

“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life”

If you haven’t read Walden yet, get ready for a treat. In 1845, this 27-year-old INFJ author defied established society and moved into a one-room house in the woods next to Walden Pond. The book consists of the journal entries he penned during his two-year stay there.

Considered a masterpiece, Walden is a rare and wonderful window into the private reflections of an INFJ who was through with society and all its shallow rules. You will relate to his search for meaning, his love of nature, and his immersion into solitude.

Thoreau’s journal is packed with phrases and descriptions that will delight your soul. I had more trouble choosing a quote from these pages than from any other book because its language is so rich. Take this book to heart and pore over its pages as you reflect on your own journey. You will be glad you did.

The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron

• Themes of self help, quiet reflection and reducing overwhelm.

“Make good boundaries your goal. They are your right, your responsibility, your greatest source of dignity.”

Many INFJs identify as highly sensitive, which is both a gift and a challenge. Trying to survive in the world when you feel like an outsider is a very real experience for many of us who feel like we are not understood. 

But it will be easier to embrace the sensitive part of yourself if you understand it — and Elaine Aaron’s book explains sensitivity as a personality trait to be valued and protected. Appreciating this about yourself is key to your peace and fulfillment in life. This book is a must-have for any INFJ who wants to make the most of all their gifts and know what to do when their sensitivity becomes stressful.

I won’t say anything more. Instead, let me leave you with more words straight from Dr. Aron that will instantly resonate:“Sometimes people with our trait are said to be less happy or less capable of happiness. Of course, we can seem unhappy and moody, at least to non-HSPs, because we spend so much time thinking about things like the meaning of life and death and how complicated everything is—not black-and-white thoughts at all. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.”

Beyond Rare: The INFJ's Guide to Cultivating Growth & Self-Awareness by Elaine Schallock Drenth

• Themes of self-exploration, personal growth and self-awareness

“INFJs—with their powers of insight into the obscurer aspects of the psyche—are in a unique position to light the way for humankind down the dark and shadowy corridor of the unconscious.”

Okay INFJs, remember the moment you discovered your Myers and Briggs personality type? That instant of profound consolation when you learned that, yes, you are different, but you are not alone and that there are others like you out there?

We know that INFJ is the rarest personality type (1-2% of the population) so it’s no surprise that we often feel isolated and misunderstood. Many INFJs cling to this feeling of being “special” and end their growth journey there.  

But if you want to dig into your own soul and purpose (and I’ll bet you do), read this book. I haven’t met an INFJ who didn’t want this deep down, but I have known several who wouldn’t step outside of their “misunderstood outcast” identity long enough to discover their immense potential. INFJs are naturally primed for true transformation, and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed with this one.  

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

• Themes of deep human connection, darkness and death.

“Because misery, and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us ...”

I know, this one is dark. Why would I include such a tragic novel as a “soothing” read for  INFJs? I don’t include it as a sunny romance—it’s not. And its “soulmate” theme needs much dissecting. 

Here is where the value lies for the INFJ. You will love diving into the psychological complexities and dark, all-consuming struggles that explain the actions of these otherwise awful characters. There is a part of us that is like the cold and distant Heathcliff, an INFJ who has no tolerance for the trivial and isolates himself from all he sees as inconsequential.

Strangely, INFJs are often renewed by a journey into the abyss, however black. Ever the seekers of spiritual truth, we think—we hope—that the darkness will explain something earth-shattering that awes and mystifies us. The motif of profound longing felt by the loss of your “soulmate” that follows you into the afterlife is irresistible and boundless. Our imaginations are hungry and fathomless. This book will force you to ponder and re-evaluate what love and eternity truly mean to you.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

• Themes of soulmates, social activism and imagination.

“It agitates me that the skyline there is forever our limit, I long for the power of unlimited vision...If I could behold all I imagine.”

This novel was written by Charlotte Bronte, Emily Bronte’s sister, the same year as Wuthering Heights. And while Charlotte had a knack for the tragic like her sister, the characters of Jane Eyre offer hope and redemption from their dark misfortunes. They draw us into their world of deep and eternal connection between two souls, and all the goodness that comes from it. INFJs love to bask in this kind of intense drama.

But the love story is not my favorite thing about this book. It’s how Charlotte wove into her novel proclamations for women’s natural rights and abilities at a time when married women had very few rights in England. She used her influence as a writer to effect social change and was an activist in her own right. The character of Jane (easily an INFJ) craved an outlet as much as her “more privileged fellow-creatures,” and was hell-bent on pursuing her dreams. She wouldn’t be confined to “making puddings and knitting stockings.”

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

• Themes of social justice, courage and nostalgia.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”

Part tragedy, part feel-good story about equality and human rights, this classic was written in the 1950s when the idea of full inclusion, regardless of race, was still fresh in the American psyche.  The inhumane treatment of a black man wrongfully accused of rape, and a shunned, possibly autistic neighbor, forces a young girl to ask hard questions about the world she lives in.

This book is filled with delicious one-liners like “I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.” / “People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.” / “The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.” 

With novel insights at the time — now taken for granted— an INFJ will feel the dawning of a new conscience in America, where people were embracing the truth that we are all the same, and mustering the courage to say so out loud. And the main character Atticus?  Another INFJ.