8 Behaviors Emotionally Intelligent People Have No Patience For in Relationships

Dating an emotionally intelligent person can be a reality check. High-EQ individuals are in control of their own emotions and deeply tuned into the emotions of others. They can recognize what’s really behind certain behaviors and empathize with their partners on a deeper level, but they will also call out the relationship game-playing that other people miss.

If your significant other is emotionally intelligent, there's a good chance they will cut you some slack for minor things—we're all human and high EQ people get that. But certain behaviors just don’t fly with them, especially if they happen over and over again. 

Passive-Agressiveness

A high EQ person has a keen sense of social awareness, the ability to understand someone’s emotional state, and empathy, the ability to feel what someone else is feeling. This allows them to see through passive-aggressive tactics like silent treatment, sarcasm or subtle digs. For example, if you leave your partner on “seen” after an argument where you didn’t get your way, they will catch on that you’re trying to bend them to your will through emotional punishment. 

A high-EQ person values emotional honesty, where you express your frustration openly and constructively without resorting to these toxic mind games. They may try to help you communicate more openly, perhaps by pointing out the insincerity and underlying hostility in your words and actions, which can be very off-putting to them, then being willing to work toward a peaceful resolution with you. But if they keep hitting a wall, their patience will eventually run out.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is another behavior commonly used in toxic communication, where one person completely shuts down and refuses to engage with the other. It can come from a place of wanting to protect yourself from emotional overwhelm, rather than trying to manipulate the other person, so arguably is not quite as toxic as passive-aggressiveness. But stonewalling can still be very damaging in a relationship because it prevents any kind of meaningful communication and problem solving from taking place.

A high-EQ person will recognize when you're feeling too flooded by emotions to stay present in a conversation. They could be patient for a while, giving you space to process things. But ultimately, they will insist that the conversation continues when you're in a better state to engage. If stonewalling emerges as a pattern, they’ll eventually lose patience—because, despite their empathy,  they know that it damages trust and intimacy by making the other person feel unheard, rejected or powerless. Over time, stonewalling can erode the emotional foundation of relationships where they just don't trust that you're both in this together.

Taking Criticism as a Personal Attack

When a high EQ person criticizes your behavior, they aren’t attacking you personally. They’re just trying to improve the relationship. If your immediate reaction is to get defensive and retaliate, it’s disappointing to them because it signals that you aren’t ready to take responsibility for your actions.

For example, if they point out that you’ve been canceling plans a lot lately, and you snap back with "Well, you do things that bother me too, but I don’t throw it in your face!," they’ll be upset because it shows that you lack self-awareness to step back and see things objectively. Creating unnecessary drama around a simple conversation also shows that you have poor self-regulation and let your emotional reactions get the better of you. 

A high-EQ partner might try to have a mature discussion a couple of times, but if it turns into a defensive meltdown every time, they’ll eventually grow frustrated by this cycle. 

Avoiding Difficult Conversations

While a high EQ person is unlikely to force you to talk about things you aren’t ready to talk about, consistently avoiding difficult conversations will frustrate them sooner or later. They expect open and timely communication, especially when it comes to addressing heavy but important relationship stuff. 

For example, let’s say they bring up the idea of moving in together, and you say that you’ll think about it. But every time they bring it up again, you either change the topic or brush it off. At first, they may give space as they understand it’s a big topic. But eventually, your non-commitment will start to bother them as it creates uncertainty about where the relationship is headed and,  more importantly, it shows you're not aware (or don't care) about how your actions affect them. It might even breed resentment because you’re making an innocent topic weigh on their mind by avoiding talking.

Flakiness

Flakiness might initially be charming in a "devil-may-care" kind of way. But if you’re always canceling plans at the last minute, showing up late without a heads-up, or making promises you don’t keep, your date will soon feel like an afterthought. While some people might tolerate that because they don’t want to rock the boat, a high EQ person won’t.

A person with high emotional intelligence knows their worth. They are confident in themselves and know they deserve more than being left hanging, especially when they give you the consideration they expect in return. They may give you the benefit of the doubt if they think your flakiness is due to being distracted or juggling too much. But if it comes from a place of disrespect, they’ll likely step back, knowing they deserve someone who values their time and feelings as much as they do. 

Acting Like Nothing Happened 

If you've done something wrong but act as if nothing happened, a high EQ person will notice. Let’s say you invite them to dinner in the middle of the week and say you'll follow up later to arrange the time, but then…nothing.  No follow-up, no communication – until a week later, you pop up as if everything is fine. 

This behavior is a red flag to a high-EQ person because it signals lack of accountability. They expect you to acknowledge and apologize for dropping the ball, not sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened.  If you act like nothing’s wrong, it could also suggest that you don’t even realize that what you did was inconsiderate, which is arguably even worse. It shows a lack of self-awareness, which is the most basic level of EQ.

Blowing Hot and Cold

When one moment you're warm and affectionate, and the next, you're distant and cold, it creates confusion. To a high-EQ person, this inconsistency signals that you are not in control of your emotions and have little ability to manage them, and you lack awareness about how your behavior makes others feel.

While they get that it isn’t necessarily intentional and you’re just affected by life’s ups and downs, they won’t tolerate it if you keep spilling your inconsistencies onto them. Emotionally intelligent individuals are able to stay calm and consistent, even in the face of stress and challenges. They expect their partner to have those same coping skills and not be a constant source of emotional turmoil.

Playing the Victim

If every time there's an issue in your relationship, your go-to response is to make it about how you’re suffering or you're the one who is hurt, your high-EQ other half will start to wonder where they fit into the equation. Emotionally intelligent people respect those who can say, “I see both my part and your part in this,” rather than turning every confrontation into an emotional pity party.

Plus, it’s easy to see the emotional manipulation at play here. Shifting into victim mode puts the other person in a position where they have to comfort you, even though they may be the one who was actually wronged. This tactic shows lack of empathy and can quickly turn an equal partnership into a one-sided power dynamic.

Final Words

Emotional intelligence helps you hear and understand each other and strengthens the foundation of any partnership. It's great when your partner is strong in this area, because they can help you become stronger too. Our fast and free EQ test can show you how you score on emotional intelligence, and our article EQ Exercises for Couples has some fun and helpful exercises to help you boost your EQs together. It's never too late to work on your emotional intelligence, and the quality of your relationships will improve when you do.