Are You An Introvert Or An Extravert With Social Anxiety?
There is a clear and obvious overlap between the behaviors motivated by social anxiety and the traits associated with introversion. Both will cause a person to limit their social contacts as a strategy for self-protection.
But introversion and social anxiety are not the same. The first is a normal variation in personality, while the second is a mental health issue that can cause a lot of suffering if it remains unaddressed. The distinction becomes clear when you understand that extraverts can also develop social anxiety, and it pulls them in two directions: they want to connect with people, but they are afraid of the rejection or disapproval that may follow.
This push-pull can result in them withdrawing from social situations or even avoiding them altogether.
So what happens when this person takes a personality test? Since answers are selected based on how we typically behave in certain scenarios, there's a good chance the socially anxious extravert will report themselves as an introvert. And that can cause them to think the symptoms of their social anxiety are a natural part of their personality, when they are not.
Could you be one of these socially anxious extraverts who has been misidentified as an introvert? These eight signs may help you find out.
1. You Feel Sad and Lethargic When You Don't Have Social Contact
Extraverts rely on their interactions with others to give them energy. Without them, they tend to feel less happy, less engaged and less motivated to pursue activities they normally enjoy. What makes the socially anxious extravert unique is that they actively avoid social interactions because they feel anxious about them, even though they crave them. This can lead to a cycle of feeling lethargic and unfulfilled, or just the feeling that something is missing—because it is.
2. You Regret Missing A Party
When introverts decide not to go to a party, it's because they know that it will sap their energy and, frankly, an evening on the couch with a good book sounds more appealing! They are happy (and often relieved) with their decision to stay home. Extraverts with social anxiety, on the other hand, will deeply regret such missed opportunities. They will feel a sense of loss and disappointment, and may even get down on themselves for being such a "loser" who can't take part in life.
3. You Feel Better After Putting Yourself Out There
Despite the sweaty palms and racing heart, the socially anxious extravert almost always reports feeling better after certain types of social exchange, though what that looks like varies from person to person. This "high" may linger to the point where you look forward to seeing that person more in the future, despite the discomfort you may have felt.
4. You Want to Have More Friends, Though It's Difficult To Make Them
Most introverts have small social circles. They prefer having a handful of close friendships over a large group of acquaintances. If that core group expands or contracts a little over time, they will be fine either way. If you’re an extravert with social anxiety, however, a small group of acquaintances or that one friend at work won’t satisfy you for long. You have a persistent desire to have more people in your life—friends, romantic partners, whatever—though something is holding you back from taking the steps necessary to make that happen.
5. You Look Forward to Parties, But Only When You Can Go With Someone Else
This is a classic coping strategy for the extravert with social anxiety. Leaning on a trusted friend for support can make it easier to show up and talk to others. Introverts like it when someone has their back as well. The difference is that introverts can still feel depleted by too much socializing, and may need to slip out of the room for a breather. The extravert with social anxiety won't want to miss out on anything, so he or she will stay in the room (sticking close to their friend's side, of course).
6. You Overanalyze Your Social Interactions
It's normal to reflect on a social interaction, to think about what was said and how you might have behaved differently. But for the socially anxious extravert, this type of self-reflection tends to be intense. You may replay conversations over and over in your mind, criticizing and second-guessing your performance all the way. You’ll likely find this overthinking process unpleasant and exhausting, yet you’ll find yourself doing it anyway.
7. Online Relationships Feel Empty To You
Most introverts like socializing on social media because it allows them to connect with others in manageable doses, and it can help them build influence in a way that feels authentic to them. Socially anxious extraverts may not have the same experience. They crave more human contact, and the computer screen just can’t deliver on that desire.
8. You Test as an Extravert at Least Some of the Time
One of the most confusing aspects for socially anxious extraverts is that they may test as an extravert on one day and as an introvert on another. Introverts can do this too, of course, but their results tend to be more consistent over time. What's happening here is that you are mistaking your social behaviors (which are typically introverted) for your social desires (which are extraverted). A high-quality personality test like the TypeFinder is designed to detect what you are, not just what you do. This means that if you are typing as an extravert some or most of the time, it is more likely that you are genuinely one.
What To Do With This Information
When you know for sure that social anxiety has been camouflaging your extraversion, this knowledge can set you free. It can give you courage to take more chances in social situations, knowing that the rewards will outweigh the anxiety. It can help you be more forgiving of yourself, knowing that your social anxiety is not a fundamental part of who you are. And perhaps more importantly, it may encourage you to seek out professional help to address your social anxiety and learn new coping mechanisms that will help you be who you truly are.
