The Big Five Traits of Sociopaths: Can They Live Normal Lives?

When you hear the word “sociopath,” you might think of people like Bernie Madoff or Charles Manson—people who ruthlessly manipulate others and demonstrate a gross lack of empathy. Madoff, a Wall Street financier, orchestrated the largest Ponzi scheme in history, shattering thousands of lives with his $65 billion scam. Manson, a cult leader with a chilling grip on his followers, orchestrated a series of brutal murders in the late 1960s. His emotional manipulation of others made him one of the most notorious criminal masterminds in American history.

These are high profile examples, but have you ever considered that your waiter, your coworker, your bank teller or you could be a sociopath? 

Ever since “Sociopath: A Memoir” by Patric Gage hit bookshelves in 2024, we’ve had to rethink what it truly means to be a sociopath. In her candid and thought-provoking memoir, Gage—a married mother of two—challenges the stereotype, revealing that sociopathy isn’t always violent or criminal. Instead, it can manifest in ways that are far more subtle but equally impactful in everyday life.

What Is a Sociopath?

The term “sociopath” is complex and often misused. According to Benoit Kim, a forensic psychotherapist, the term sociopath is the colloquial term for someone with anti-social personality disorder (ASPD), a condition that appears in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition).

Someone with ASPD is characterized by a lack of empathy and remorse, a disregard for rules and social norms, impulsive behavior and difficulty forming genuine relationships. While they can feel the primary emotions of anger, sadness and happiness, they don’t have easy access to the “prosocial” emotions of love, empathy, shame or guilt. 

“It is important to denote that ASPD is a spectrum and many individuals may exhibit sociopathic (antisocial) tendencies and traits without fully meeting the disorder criteria,” says Kim. 

The current literature often interchanges psychopath and sociopath loosely, but they are different. People with ASPD are more erratic and prone to emotional outbursts, while psychopaths are typically more calculated, manipulative and emotionally detached. 

Says Kim, “ Sociopaths are often better at disguising and mimicking prosocial behaviors–you might find sociopaths who are CEOs, surgeons and highly competent but self-centered individuals who lack remorse for their actions towards others. By contrast, psychopaths often are serial and mass killers.”  

The literature surrounding ASPD suggests around 1% of the population is a sociopath who meets those diagnostic criteria (it is important to note that a person can not be diagnosed with ASPD until they are at least 18). So the next time you are in a large company meeting, a packed concert or a sports match, look around. Chances are there are some sociopaths in your midst. 

But, is that a bad thing?

Sociopathy and The Big 5 Personality Traits 

ASPD is a complex condition but personality profiling systems give us some clues about the personality makeup of a sociopath. The Big Five personality model categorizes individuals based on five key traits: Openness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism, Extraversion and Conscientiousness. We each have varying levels of these key personality factors that impact our thoughts, decisions and behavior. 

Studies show a correlation between people with ASPD and  low scores in Agreeableness and Conscientiousness. People with ASPD have variable results with the factors of Openness and Extraversion and often score high in Neuroticism, illustrating the multidimensional nature of the condition. 

Low Scores in Agreeableness 

People who score low in Agreeableness prioritize personal gain over cooperation. They can be blunt and direct, speaking their mind without much concern for social niceties or how others feel. They struggle to understand or relate to others' emotions, making them appear indifferent or cold if they sit at the very low end of the Agreableness spectrum. These traits correlate directly with some aspects of ASPD, including low empathy and lower feelings of shame after hurting someone.

Low empathy

Because they lack empathy, people with ASPD look at relationships through the lens of personal benefit. The idea that relationships are not transactional can be confusing to them. “Emotional connection is pretty transactional to me. I have trouble forming a deeper bond, especially once people realize that I'm basically pretending,” says 40-year old Johnny, a bartender living in Los Angeles, California with his wife of seven years. He admits that he can't really feel emotional connection in the traditional sense.  “While I can't feel a true bond, I can fabricate a bond strongly enough and to me that is love.”

Johnny is social, gregarious and outgoing with a wide circle of friends. It is unlikely that his friends guess that he has been diagnosed with ASPD. But he was diagnosed in his 20s and, like the research suggests, his lowest Big 5 scores are Agreeableness and Consciousness. 

Ben, a student living in Denver, Colorado also scores low in Agreeableness and suspects he has ASPD. His age precludes a formal diagnosis, but he describes the transactional nature of his relationships in a way that aligns with ASPD.

“Everyone adds to you in some way, and I don’t understand how someone could unconditionally want to be friends with someone.” Ben says he has never felt emotional empathy. For him, it is a cognitive experience. “I literally can’t comprehend how other people feel. I know what they feel and why, I just can’t understand the lasting effect that emotions have on people.”  

A lack of guilt or remorse

People who score low in Agreeableness are less likely to feel regret, shame or responsibility after engaging in harmful, unethical or immoral behavior. They do not experience the emotional distress or self-reproach that typically follows actions that negatively impact others.

“I was a bully, a womanizer, and I did some things that were flat out illegal. I had a lot of unhealthy urges and zero moral compass, and I never really felt bad about doing any of it. I assumed everyone was like that! It wasn't until years later when I was serving in the military and got an official ASPD diagnosis that I was able to put all the pieces together,” Johnny says.

Low Scores in Conscientiousness

People who score low in Conscientiousness tend to be impulsive and spontaneous, preferring flexibility to structure. They can be unpredictable and may engage in risky or reckless behavior. These traits directly overlap with many aspects of ASPD.

In her memoir, Gage repeatedly illustrates her impulsivity and reckless behavior. She steals cars, she breaks into houses, and she even develops a peculiar habit of crashing funerals. While we don’t have her Big 5 results, it is safe to assume she would likely score low in Consciousness. Gage describes the experience as a void she is trying to fill. Because she feels so flat emotionally, the rush of illegal activity wakes her up and makes her feel more “normal.” 

With Johnny, we do have his Big 5 results, and Consciousness is his lowest rating.  “I was diagnosed with ASPD 20 years ago and even with a lot of work, I'm still very impulsive and that can be somewhat self-destructive. When my social battery is drained, I can act out. I just don’t care about the consequences.”

Student Ben shares, “I get very bored and the challenge of breaking rules and doing things like stealing gives me a kind of mental rush.” 

The Silver Lining

With their lack of empathy, lack of remorse and impulsivity, it might seem like people with ASPD have the cards stacked against them. But their condition actually leaves them with  some advantages.

“Warriors and many tier 1 operators, like elite top tier special forces, are often sociopathic which allows them to not lose sleep over dismemberment or difficult acts in military, combat or surgical setting. This can be advantageous for the military, medical, and national security advancement,” says Kim.

Johnny, who had served time in the military shares, “I’m almost impossible to manipulate. I can respond to situations instantly and can react when others freeze. In really serious situations, I always think on my feet and organize others to try to avoid negative repercussions.”

Can a Sociopath Live a Normal Life?

While wired differently, most people with ASPD aren’t evil or hurting others. There are many examples of people with the condition living functional, “normal” albeit different lives. For them, addressing the prosocial emotions and managing their impulses requires more effort, but people with ASPD can hold jobs, have loving relationships and go about day-to-day life in a high-functioning way.  

“Clinically, ASPD individuals who receive therapeutic and prosocial professional support can live a "normal" life by continuing to lean into prosocial behaviors and resisting their genetic urge,” says Kim.

Gage talks about how she created her own internal code of conduct, rules she would apply to guide her own behavior. For her, it is unacceptable to hurt others. She may not follow the rules of society, but she strives to cause no harm.

Johnny shares how it is for his wife to be married to someone with ASPD. “She cried a lot at first, but she understood how vulnerable I made myself by sharing my inner world. She accepts that just because I have to take a couple extra steps doesn't mean my love for her is any less valid. If anything, I'd say it's more valid, more intentional.  It's an entirely forced and manufactured thing, but I would do anything for her.”

He adds that opening himself up to be honest is the highest form of trust he can show someone and by proxy the purest form of friendship and affection.

“I've worked very hard on being a good person. I don't want life to slip me by, I don't want to hurt anyone, I want to have the things in life that are beautiful, and my mental disorder, though a risk, shouldn't stop me or block me from being a father, being a husband, being a best friend, or being overall a good person, for the most part of course.” 

If you know someone who has ASPD, it is important to understand, they didn’t choose it.  “ASPD is often a genetic disorder with complex genetic interplay, so we could say that ‘they are born as such,’” Kim says. “In many cases, it is not the individual's fault for being diagnosed as ASPD.”