Can INFJs be Dark Empaths?

More than anything, it is the INFJ’s empathy that sets the tone for their interactions with others. These rare personality types are strongly connected to the emotions of others. They navigate the world through their Feeling and their Intuition, which means they can shift their perspective and see and feel things from many points of view.

While these traits make the INFJ a compassionate and understanding individual, they can also make them vulnerable to negative influences. Empathy, when used in the wrong way, can lead to dark and manipulative behaviors. Any personality type can potentially develop these characteristics, but for INFJs, it can be particularly challenging to recognize and break away from them, because empathy is so deeply ingrained in their identity.

One dangerous personality you may have heard about is the dark empath. A dark empath is someone who uses their understanding of human emotions to exploit and deceive others, rather than using it to help them.

The question is, can INFJs fall into this category? Can  their strong sense of empathy and intuition lead them down a dark path? The short answer is yes...but it's complicated.

How INFJs Experience Empathy

A person who relates to the feelings of others in such a strong and intuitive way that they can "feel" them as their own is called an empath.

Empaths have empathy to the point where they will soak up the emotions of others like a sponge, so they’re not sure which emotions are their own and which belong to someone else. 

INFJs often, though not always, identify as empaths. That's mostly because they possess all three types of empathy, and in larger-than-average amounts:

• Their natural inclination is to offer a person who is hurting a shoulder to cry on (emotional empathy).
• Then they problem-solve to get to the root cause of the issue (cognitive empathy).
• Then, if they believe it will help, they jump into action and do something practical for the person (compassionate empathy).

While all personality types are capable of developing all three types of empathy, INFJ are one of the few types who do so naturally. It's what makes them such good empathetic listeners, advisers and helpers.

When Empathy Takes a Dark Turn

In disturbing contrast to a healthy INFJ, the dark empath experiences really high degrees of cognitive empathy, and little or no emotional empathy and compassionate empathy. 

That means they can read someone's feelings like a book, but don’t actually care about those emotions.

They may also have narcissistic traits and enjoy manipulating people for their own gain. This is where the danger lies in dark empaths: they are not interested in using empathy to sympathize with and help others. They value their empathy because they can use it to get what they want from other people, and have no qualms about pushing every button to deceive and harm the person they're targeting.

Cognitive empathy is a really important skill to have, and it isn't a dark trait on its own. Two things need to happen to turn it into something dangerous:

• There needs to be very high levels of cognitive empathy, without the essential humanizing elements of emotional and compassionate empathy present.
• This person will also have high levels of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism present alongside their empathy. This dark triad of traits essentially removes the guardrails that most people have in place to prevent their ego and darker impulses from running amok. That lack of restraint, coupled with the keen insight of cognitive empathy, makes for a dangerous combination.

Can INFJs Be Dark Empaths?

Anyone, including INFJs, can become a full-fledged dark empath under the right circumstance. Some studies suggest that as many as 20% of the population have high scores on some or all of the dark traits, which seems shocking until you remember that personality, in all its forms, exists on a spectrum. The presence of dark empathy traits in no way suggest that someone will become a manipulator, because there are lots more checks and balances going on in their personality and life situation.

Thankfully, it is rare for an INFJ to become a dark empath.

But even if an INFJ is well-adjusted, that wouldn’t entirely shield them from darker energies. Like anyone else, an INFJ can become angry at people who mistreat them. If that anger remains unresolved, it can change into resentment and hostility that grows more intense as time passes, and may eventually show up in some type of revenge or retribution.

INFJs do have some vulnerabilities in this regard that relate to their personality type:

• They are Judgers, and therefore can find it hard to forgive people who’ve hurt or disappointed them.
• They are idealists, and can easily become disenchanted with people who fail to live up to their high standards and expectations.
• The strength and depth of their empathy can trip them up as well. The INFJ feels such an affinity for people that seeing innocents abused will make their blood boil, creating a powerful desire to strike back against the abuser.

If such feelings of ill will are not resolved, they could lead a normally ethical INFJ to behave in ways that don’t reflect their true natures. Grudges and resentments can have a corrupting influence on anyone, and they could tempt an INFJ to use their empathetic gifts to seek revenge against individuals who they think deserve it.

The difference between a true dark empath and a well-intentioned INFJ who has lost their way is that the dark empath will have little or no emotional baggage about harming others, while the INFJ will be wrestling with conscience afterwards. Whatever satisfaction they might feel in the moment, this will soon give way to guilt and shame as they struggle to forgive themselves for indulging their worst instincts.

Tips for INFJs to Keep the Dark Energies Away

The vast majority of INFJs won’t recognize themselves in the description of a dark empath. Your empathy is your superpower, and your first instinct is to use it wisely.

But if you're worried that you might be tempted to misuse this amazing gift, take these steps to keep yourself in the light:

Revisit and resolve past conflicts wherever possible

Lingering resentments toward people who mistreated you, or about relationships that ended on a sour note, can keep you trapped in negativity forever. The antidote is to initiate some honest but non-confrontational conversations with the people who generate these reactions, so you can talk things out and gain some closure.

Practice forgiveness

Unfortunately, some of your past conflicts may not be resolvable. The people who hurt you may have passed away, or they may be unwilling to meet with you. In these circumstances, finding a way to forgive them can help you move on with your life.

Stay involved in the lives of your loved ones, and keep them involved in yours

Hurt and anger feed on loneliness and isolation. When you maintain regular contact with your family and friends, it will shift your focus from what has gone wrong in your life to what has gone right. You’ll replace your frustration with gratitude, strengthening your faith in humanity in the process. When you are surrounded by love, any bad feelings you have tend to melt away, leaving you in a much happier and healthier place.