Can Your Enneagram Opposite Be Your Perfect Love Match?

They say opposites attract, and intuitively, it makes sense. Meeting someone very different from you can feel electric. If you’re structured, their spontaneity feels freeing. If you’re reserved, their confidence is magnetic. This contrast often creates strong chemistry, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

However, research shows that, despite our attraction to the new and exciting, we’re generally drawn to people who are more like us. Studies also suggest that similarity doesn’t just attract people to each other, but also predicts long-term relationship satisfaction. So, which is it—do opposites attract or do birds of a feather flock together? 

It turns out that while people prefer and choose romantic partners who are similar to themselves, the highest relationship quality is found in couples where partners complement each other to some extent. For genuine complementarity, there needs to be a touch of “opposite-ness.”

The Enneagram personality system beautifully illustrates how these differences play out in real relationships.

One and Seven: Planner and Wanderer

Ones and Sevens are a great example of the yin and yang principle. Ones are all about structure, doing what’s right and making things better, which means they often find it hard to slow down and just chill. Sevens are pretty much the opposite. When paired with Sevens, Ones can be pulled out of their serious, always-on mode. This is exactly what they need to not run themselves into the ground. As for Sevens, Ones can help them stay on track and not spiral into chaos with their constant search for excitement. 

Real-world vibe: 

• Seven picks an exciting destination for vacay. One plans a perfect itinerary to make the most of their time there. 
• One makes sure the bills are paid on time and the fridge is always stocked. Seven makes sure the weekends are never wasted by always having something fun lined up.

Three and Nine: Go-getter and Grounder 

Threes and Nines balance drive with calm in a relationship. Threes are always on the go, chasing goals and trying hard to impress, while Nines move through life at their own steady pace, focused on keeping things chill and no-drama. In this pairing, Nines help Threes pause and take a breather, reminding them they’re valued for who they are—not just their achievements and accolades. In return, Threes inspire and nudge Nines to set goals and take action rather than drifting along with whatever’s easiest.

Real-world vibe: 

• Three sets big goals for their year—career moves, fitness challenges, side hustles. Nine creates space to recharge along the way with calming playlists, warm decor and cozy, homemade meals.
• Nine closes their eyes on being sidelined at work, not wanting to rock the boat with a colleague. Three nudges her to speak up, helping her find the confidence to assert herself.

Two and Eight: Heart and Muscle

Twos and Eights vibe like heart and muscle. Twos are warm, giving and people-focused, while Eights charge ahead with strength and resolve, never showing a crack in their armor. When they come together, Twos create a safe space for Eights where they can be vulnerable and real, showing them that being open doesn't mean losing control. And Eights give Twos the confidence to set boundaries and stop pouring from an empty cup, which they’re prone to as they often tie self-worth to being needed.

Real-world vibe: 

• Two creates a safe space for Eight with a quiet presence and a no-questions-asked hug after Eight has had a day full of pressure and power plays. 
• Eight nudges Two to speak up and draw the line when others ask too much, helping Two see when he’s being taken advantage of.

Four and Three: Soul and Spotlight

Fours and Threes balance each other in terms of authenticity versus adaptability. Fours have this deep need to be true to themselves in everything they do, while Threes are masters of shaping themselves to fit what’s valued and admired. When they come together, Fours help Threes take off their mask and just be themselves from time to time. In return, Threes help Fours rise above self-doubts and bring their ideas into the world, showing that being seen doesn’t mean selling out.

Real-world vibe: 

• Three is planning a dinner party, obsessing over every detail so that everything looks Instagram-worthy. Four suggests ditching the pressure and making it cozy—maybe even asking the guests to help cook.
• Four has spent weeks writing a song, but hesitates to share it because “no one will get it.” Three nudges him to post it anyway, giving him the confidence boost he needs.

Five and Two: Loner and Lover

Fives and Twos are opposites in how they deal with the outside world. Fives withdraw to protect their energy and feel in control, while Twos lean in, always reaching out to connect and help. When these types are in a relationship, they keep each other balanced so neither of them drifts too far into their type’s unhealthy extreme. Fives can help Twos slow down and not lose themselves in everyone else's needs, while Twos show Fives that it's OK to let people in. 

Real-world vibe: 

• Five is deep in concentration, headphones on, trying to solve a complex problem for work. Two slips in quietly, a warm meal in hand—not to distract, but to make sure Five doesn’t forget the basics, as she often does when she’s lost in thought.
• Two is about to say yes to covering a coworker’s weekend shift again. Five gently takes his phone and pulls up his calendar, reminding the Two he has a class scheduled for a course he’s taking.

Six & Eight: Worrier and Warrior

Sixes and Eights are a classic case of caution meets confidence. Sixes like to think things through and prepare for every possible scenario. Eights, on the other hand, trust their gut and charge forward.  When they come together, Sixes help Eights pause and think before leaping into action. Eights, in turn, give Sixes a boost of courage and decisiveness, showing them they’re stronger than their doubts and don’t need all the answers before taking a step forward. 

Real-world vibe: 

• Six is scanning Airbnb reviews, reading the fine print, and bookmarking backup stays—just in case. Eight has already booked the top pick, confident the Six’s diligence has them covered.
• Eight is pacing by the door, fired up and ready to confront their contractor over what he’s sure are overcharges. Six steps in with the contract in hand, making sure they check the facts before pointing fingers.