First-Date Behaviors That Give You the Ick, By Enneagram Type

Putting yourself out there for a first date is scary. Even if you’ve had some time to chat and flirt via text, and everything feels like it’s off to a good start, there's always the chance that something could go wrong when you finally meet in person.

But sometimes, it’s not just a matter of nerves or chemistry not clicking...there’s an “ick.” It might be a genuine red flag or something small and irrational (no one said you had to be sane on a first date). Either way, it kills the spark and has you running for the hills.

The ick always means there's no second date—here's what your first-date vibe killer is, according to your Enneagram type.

Enneagram Type 1: Poor Table Manners

Enneagram Type Ones are perfectionist, no surprises there. But what that means on a date is they expect the other person to have the same impeccable manners that they do. You catch your date chewing with their mouth open, handling their fork wrong, slurping their drink, or letting out a loud burp—instant ick. You take this lack of manners as a lack of respect for you and a lack of desire to impress you. This relationship is going nowhere.

Other icks for Type Ones:

• An unkempt appearance or poor hygiene. (Even an untied shoelace can set you off.)
• Consistent interrupting—where's the respect?
• Being more than five minutes late to the date.

Enneagram Type 2: Being Rude to Staff 

Type Twos are kind and respectful to everyone and expect others to be the same. If your date is dismissive, rude or downright mean to wait staff, it's an instant turn-off, like someone dumped cold water over your head.  You’re looking for a partner who is considerate of others, and a snide comment, remark or dismissive attitude toward a stranger will leave you questioning whether your date is capable of empathy.

Other icks for Type Twos:

• They don't say “thank you” (manners are important).
• A cold, unemotional demeanor (where's the warmth and affection?)
• Not offering to share French fries.

Enneagram Type 3: An Obvious Lack of Drive

Not everyone needs to be as goal-oriented and hard-working as you, Type Three, and you like to think you're open-minded enough to accept someone who isn't. But if your date seems content with just coasting through life without any ambition or direction, you won’t be able to see past it. The instant your date starts naming off hobbies like partying, playing video games or shopping (and literally nothing else), you’ll be ready to rush to the bathroom and send your friend an SOS text. You want your significant other to have a few ambitious plans for their lives. When someone doesn’t seem to care, attraction vanishes.

Other icks for Type Threes:

• A negative attitude or self-deprecating sense of humor.
• Overt, empty bragging or “peacocking” about trivial successes. (You won’t care about some high score they got on an arcade game.)
• Getting too deep into serious emotions too soon when you're still getting to know each other.

Enneagram Type 4: Apathy

Enneagram Type Fours are seriously passionate. While you won’t necessarily expect your date to share the same passions as you, you will expect them to have strong passions in their life that help them get out of bed in the morning. When your date has an overall apathetic attitude towards everything, they might seem “soulless” or “boring” to you. So when you’re talking animatedly about gaming, art, film or something else, and your date offers nothing back, you won’t want a second date.

Other icks for Type Fours:

• Sticking to just small talk and avoiding deep conversations.
• A superficial, materialistic lifestyle… or a generic style with nothing remotely unique.
• An apparent lack of emotion and empathy for others.

Enneagram Type 5: Clinginess and Oversharing

Your worst dating ick is when you're done with a coffee date, and the person texts you something like, “Thinking about you,” within the hour. This is too much, too soon for you, and you’ll feel the need to cut the whole relationship off. As an Enneagram Five, you want to maintain a sense of privacy and autonomy while getting to know someone. They're airing out their baggage before you’ve even hit the main course? Time to back away.

Other icks for Type Fives:

• Talking only about themselves (where's the curiosity?)
• Invading personal space, e.g. asking for a hug too soon or being overly touchy.
• Being gossipy or making small talk, then asking "why are you so quiet?”

Enneagram Type 6: Canceling At the Last Minute

Type Sixes want to feel safe in relationships, so it isn’t a good sign to you when your first date cancels at the last minute. Any level of flakiness or unreliability will give you the ick because it triggers your trust issues. You want someone who’s clear about their intentions, is consistent, and will show up for you just like you’ll show up for them. You might overlook this ick and reschedule, but if it happens again, you’re out.

Other icks for Type Sixes:

• When someone is too secretive and won’t discuss much about themselves.
• A cocky attitude.
• Someone changing the date plans and calling it “spontaneous.”

Enneagram Type 7: Being Super Negative

Nobody likes a Debby Downer, but you really don’t, Type Seven! You’re a positive person who avoids feeling sad, so when your first date goes on and on about their gut-wrenching family drama or has a poor outlook about everything, you’ll want to dip. You want someone as fun-loving and upbeat as you, not the epitome of doom and gloom. Negativity that gives you the ick can show up in different ways—complaining, criticism, seeing the worst in others, etc. But the outcome will always be the same—you’ll feel dragged down.

Other icks for Type Sevens:

• A judgmental attitude ("Can you believe someone would do that?").
• A poor sense of humor.
• Ordering the most boring dish on the menu and refusing to try new things.

Enneagram Type 8: Avoiding Eye Contact

You’re a strong personality, Type Eight, so you have a hard time when people appear weaker than you. One major sign of weakness is when someone avoids eye contact, so if your date is looking everywhere but at you, you’re going to want to leave early. You see eye contact as a sign of energy, authenticity and honesty, so you may consider your date dishonest, evasive or straight-up disinterested. Either someone looks you in the eyes or “thank u, next,” as Ariana Grande says.

Other icks for Type Eights:

• When someone constantly apologizes (which makes them seem insecure).
• A majorly Type B personality.
• Being alarmingly unopinionated. Major red flag.

Enneagram Type 9: Being Weirdly Impatient

Maybe they’re complaining about the food taking too long or that their server hasn’t refilled their water glasses. Maybe their whole attitude feels rushed, and you’re feeling like the date is moving at hyper-speed when you want to go with the flow. Whatever it is, you prefer people who take their time, Type Nine, and don’t instigate conflict when an appetizer takes more than 10 minutes to come to the table. You’ll feel even worse if your date tries to rush you to decide on a menu item or beverage.

Other icks for Type Nines:

• Aggressive or confrontational vibes.
• Overly heavy conversation (e.g. discussing mortality, family rifts, etc.).
• A chaotic approach to life outlined by crazy tales about their past.