How to Get Really, Really Good at Reading People’s Emotions

Whether you consider yourself a ‘reader’ or not, you likely read more than you realize. You might read contracts, blueprints, articles, reports, websites and emails, and a lot of social media posts. But how well do you read the people around you, especially their emotions?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is an important asset in work and life, and “other awareness” – the ability to read the emotional states of others – is one important aspect of it. Let’s explore this factor of emotional intelligence, how it can help you, how to assess your skill level, and some ways to improve.

What is Other Awareness?

Other awareness (or social awareness) is one of the five factors of emotional intelligence. While much of emotional intelligence involves recognizing, managing and caring for your own emotions, other awareness is about reading the emotions of others accurately, so you can  respond constructively.

To excel at this, you need to pay close attention to what others say and how they say it. It involves looking for and interpreting clues in someone's body language, facial expressions,  tone of voice, and even their silence. 

Sometimes the other person won’t share their feelings. But you need to understand them to respond appropriately and ensure a positive exchange, whether to achieve a work or relationship goal or just help you both feel more at ease.

Why Does Other Awareness Matter?

Becoming skilled at reading emotions will help you avoid or manage conflict and make your interactions more peaceful and effective. You'll gain information to improve your personal or professional relationships and achieve your desired results. You'll likely gain the trust of those around you by being tuned in to and respectful of their emotions.

By reading what’s hidden beneath the surface, you not only learn about the other person’s feelings, perceptions and needs, but also how your words and actions affect them. This is valuable information – it shows what you might need to change to achieve a better outcome together. 

In addition to improving your relationships, other awareness has been shown to contribute to higher earning potential and success in leadership roles, especially when combined with good emotional control. So, developing a high level of other awareness can also be good for your career as well as your connections with others.

How to Get Better at Reading Others

1. Take an EQ test 

Start by taking Truity’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) test to see your current starting point. Knowing your full emotional intelligence score helps, but our test breaks down your score across the five components of EQ – self awareness, other awareness, empathy, emotional control and wellbeing – so you can see where your EQ strengths lie and where you might need to improve. Pay attention to the wording of the questions as well as the details of your results. They might give you ideas about how to improve your people-reading skills.

2. Practice with a trusted friend

Some conversations are high stakes. Whether it’s an interview with your boss, a meeting with your team or a discussion with a friend you’re in conflict with, practicing these conversations can help you prepare for the emotional responses you could receive. 

If you ask a trusted friend to help you try out your skills and give feedback, you’ll likely be better prepared and less nervous when it matters. Try to ‘read’ their emotions and ask how well you did. Also, ask how your words and demeanor affected them. By finding out what you did well and what you didn’t, you’ll know how to improve.

3. Ask for feedback

Now that you’ve practiced with a friend, try asking for feedback in your real-life efforts to improve your other awareness. To ensure you’re reading the person right, ask questions to understand their feelings and how your actions affect them. For example, you might say, “I noticed you seemed a bit quiet during our meeting, did I say anything that made you uncomfortable?” or “I want to make sure I understood how you felt about the changes. Would you mind sharing your thoughts?” 

Requesting feedback provides relevant information and shows respect and willingness to learn. This attitude can help you grow in your journey to read others better.

4. Help the person feel safe and heard, even if you don't agree

Other awareness skills are even more important when you see things differently than the other person. You can still acknowledge and validate their feelings and perspective, and show empathy without necessarily agreeing.

To do this, pay close attention to signs that someone might need reassurance or support, such as going quiet or defensive body language. When you spot these cues, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and respond using clear, validating statements like “I hear you,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” You can also ask gentle, open-ended questions to encourage sharing, such as “Would you like to tell me more?” or “How did that make you feel?”

This won’t necessarily help you reach agreement with the other person. But it will help you both feel heard and understood, which is the only true basis for building trust, even when you don’t share the same feelings and point of view.

5. Look for patterns

Do interactions with a coworker or friend often get muddled or argumentative? Watch for repeated phrases, postures, actions and situational details for clues about what's happening and your part in it. For example:

• Is there a specific topic when problems arise? 
• Do you clash more at certain times of day, or in certain environments?
• Do certain words, or the way you hold your body, or the way you say things, seem to trigger a response in the other person?  
• Do things usually go awry when their personal life is causing them stress, or when one of you is hungry or tired?

Use your growing awareness to figure out what’s going wrong (or right), and what you can do to make your encounters smoother.

6. Try both active and forensic listening

Active listening takes place in real time and involves paying close attention to what the other person is saying and their clues about their thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to everything about the person while they’re talking and listening to you. Consider body language, tone, word choice, volume, and what is implied but not said.

Forensic listening involves taking time later to thoughtfully analyze the interaction – or multiple past interactions – to gain more information for becoming more “other aware.” It’s useful because after a conversation, details and patterns stand out that were easy to miss in the heat of the moment. You might notice a pattern of emotional shifts or subtle hesitations which can help clarify misunderstandings and improve responses in future discussions.

7. Listen like a leader and a friend

Being other aware, or people smart, includes not just perceiving what the other person is feeling, but also knowing when it’s appropriate to respond and when it’s better to just listen. 

Sometimes we need to figure out what the other person actually needs from us, instead of what we think we should do. To understand this, ask a very simple question: “What do you need from me in this moment?” Wait for their response before you offer suggestions or solutions – they may just need a sounding board or a listening ear. 

Tuning into their needs, rather than reacting automatically, helps you respond in a way that actually supports them.

Final Thoughts

Other awareness involves accurately reading other people’s emotions so that we may respond sensitively and guide the conversation in a positive direction (without being manipulative). People with high other awareness skills almost always ensure the other person leaves the interaction feeling good.

The more you learn about and practice reading people, the better you’ll get. Your efforts can improve relationships, careers, leadership effectiveness and overall emotional intelligence. It’s a small effort, for a lasting impact.