How to Manage Chaos as an INTP Parent
What’s it like to be an INTP parent? Self-care, for INTPs, is already one big feat in itself. Now add another tiny human into the picture, and you've got a recipe for temper tantrums, missed deadlines and chaos of epic proportions. Spilled milk, missing socks, wait—did we really buy those veggies three weeks ago?
Some personalities magically fall into their roles as parents as if they were born to do it. Picture an INFP parent cooing their little one to sleep effortlessly. Or an ESFJ parent tucking them into bed, prepping their meals ahead of time and having snacks at the ready.
You're expected to be “on” and ready to jump into the next challenge at any given moment—which can be tough for the type most likely to take the lazy option and spend as much time in their head as possible. Having a mini-me running around usually means less “me” time overall.
So how do you stay on top of things and avoid being overwhelmed by chaos? With these foolproof tips, of course!
Parent to Your Natural Strengths
Parenting can feel like an Extraverted Feeling (Fe) heavy task, which is the INTP’s last and weakest function. Fe is your humanitarian side—it’s what you use to constantly think about how to best support your child through each stage of growth, from teething to their first words and steps as a toddler. Their needs will very often supersede your needs, which can be a huge adjustment, especially if you’re accustomed to a simple, low-maintenance lifestyle.
You’ve probably done your due diligence and research on how each developmental stage affects your child. However, how to actually go about being a good parent can be confusing. There are countless books arguing for the “optimal” or “best” parenting technique, but each child is unique. And to support them, you have to develop your own system for the madness.
You have the patience to really dig into what makes your child tick. So, instead of forcing yourself to assume a mushy, feelings-first approach or whatever the parenting books recommend, work with your strengths. Do you have a learning toddler? Generate endless puzzles, games and books for them. Do you have a great idea for a trip that you think could be fun for your child and stimulating for your mind? Go for it! Do you want them to make their own choices? Help them do so, within reason based on their age. You can ask, “Would you like to have milk or orange juice tonight?” for the younger ones to “Do you prefer to help with laundry or the lawn tonight?” for the chronically online generations.
No person is an island, however, so outside of the household, you'll want to …
Find a Support System and Mentors
Instead of defaulting to searching through Reddit or Quora for answers to those tough parenting questions (yes, we’ve all been there), there are hundreds of communities filled with parents who’ve been through the highs and lows of it all. Find your real life (or virtual) community and ask away.
Scour through local events and meetups (bring a friendly extravert for moral support if needed) to form friendships through shared activities and experiences. Ask people you already know to recommend other professionals who understand young minds. You'd be surprised at who you may meet this way! Think teachers, babysitters, pediatricians and tutors.
As an INTP parent, you can combine their book smarts on childcare and developmental psychology with real-world experiences from other parents. These new perspectives can inspire discussions that could lead to lasting friendships and a more balanced view on how to raise happy, healthy and intelligent kids. And you won’t feel quite so alone.
Set up Smart Systems to Simplify Your Routine
Strategic healthy meal prep plans and daily clean-up routines can keep the household running smoothly. Work with your energy peaks and dips (opt for laundry and garbage during the lows) before that one chair overflows with clothes from who-even-knows-when.
A big dry-erase calendar can work wonders, as changes are super quick and easy. Wipe, write and done. One more task off your mind. Plus, this can encourage interactivity between the entire household. Gamify the process and encourage a little friendly competition within the family. Everyone wins with pizza or taco night!
For youth and teens, try a chore board that’s divided up fairly among the family. Assign certain responsibilities for certain days, and rotate or tweak as necessary. Get everyone to make suggestions and improve as a group. Every action and tip helps!
Help Them to Help Themselves
If your child encounters a difficult math problem, instead of giving them the answer right off the bat, guide them with questions like, “What steps have you tried so far?” or “What do you think is the next step?” If they show an interest in dinosaurs, take them to a museum or start a project (for fun!) where you both research different species together. Ask them to choose a dinosaur and create a presentation. Ask questions, like “What happened to the species that existed before?” or “How come some dinosaurs have spikes and others don’t?” and so on.
Approaches like this promote the growth mindset; it gives your child the motivation and confidence to strive for success, even when faced with challenges. More importantly, it's a sanity-saver for you. INTPs are naturals at finding new angles and ideas to approach problems, and you really don't want your child asking you the same questions over and over!
Another idea is to have your kids teach you what they’ve learned. If your child wants to learn about coding, consider taking an online class together. Working on a small project, like building a simple game, allows you two to bond while learning new skills. Who knows—maybe it’ll spark their ideas for a future career in computers or software!
Wrapping Up: INTPs as Parents
INTP parents are flexible to their children’s needs, which is a really great thing. Instead of sticking to traditional parenting rules, you’re able to create an environment where creativity and independence can really shine. You have the potential to raise kids who are thoughtful, inquisitive and ready to challenge the norm. Be proud of your INTP strengths that can help your child realize who they are, with you as their first role model. Now…back to laundry.
