It's Not Me, It's You – What To Do If Your Boss Feels Threatened By You

Have you ever felt that you can’t get ahead at work no matter what you do? That you’re working hard, coming up with great ideas and performing well, but your boss is never impressed? It’s easy in this situation to start thinking there’s something wrong with you. But maybe you’re not the problem.

All too often, managers who work with highly competent, intelligent people feel threatened by their staff and try to keep them from advancing in the workplace. So how do you know if your boss sees you as the enemy? And what can you do about it? Read on to find out.

Signs Your Boss Feels Threatened

No one wants to admit they feel intimidated or threatened by someone and bosses are no different. They may not realize that they're acting out of insecurity or have the self-awareness to understand their own behavior. There's a lot of pressure on bosses to be the most knowledgeable and skilled person on the team, so they might try to ignore what’s going on beneath the surface. But the following clues can reveal the truth about how your boss really feels:

• They steal your ideas. If you keep coming up with great ideas at work, an insecure boss will try to pass them off as their own and take credit for it.
• They find fault in everything you do. You’re criticised for every tiny mistake and blamed whenever something goes wrong. An insecure boss focuses on minor flaws or sets unrealistic expectations, setting you up to fail.
• They undermine your contributions. For example, you’re coming up with creative solutions to problems and new ideas for projects, but they go nowhere. If there’s no recognition of your achievements, it could be a sign of your boss’s envy. 
• You’re given boring tasks to do. Your colleagues get the interesting, high-impact work that earn them praise and recognition, while you’re delegated menial, administrative assignments that limit your ability to showcase your skills and talents, ultimately hindering your career progression.
• They limit your connections. When high-level people in other departments seek support from your team to make decisions, your boss limits your access to them so they can control how much influence you have in the company.
• They ignore you. Your boss frequently cancels meetings with you, ignores your messages and emails, or fails to properly discuss your goals and objectives. Instead of championing your achievements, they may withhold opportunities for growth or even undermine your progress.

Why Does It Matter?

Toxic bosses are not exactly uncommon, but this particular flavor of toxicity can have a serious impact on your career. Even the most emotionally well and resilient person can lose confidence when their hard work is constantly overlooked or dismissed. And an actively jealous boss may stand in the way of you getting promoted or sabotage your reputation by withholding information or assigning unattainable tasks, effectively stunting your career growth.

Perhaps the most insidious aspect of having a boss who feels threatened by you is that it can make you doubt your own abilities. Bosses have a lot of power in the workplace, and many opportunities to gaslight employees into thinking they are the problem. You may start to question whether you really are as competent and capable as you believed. Not only can this destroy your passion for work, it might hold you back from applying for another job in a more supportive environment, leaving you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and professional stagnation.

How To Deal With A Threatened Boss

So what can you do if your boss seems determined to keep you down? Here are some strategies that might help. Remember to stay professional when implementing these techniques, as it’s important to be the most rational person in the room.

• Document everything

Keep a note of every assignment you handled successfully, including any commendations or positive feedback from colleagues and clients. Similarly, make a note of every time your boss criticizes you unfairly, ignores your contributions, steals your ideas or otherwise undermines your work. Trawl through your inbox for emails and messages that back up your claims.

• Keep being amazing

High performers tend to be highly Conscientious and have good emotional control, which is one of the five facets of emotional intelligence. Lean on these strengths to keep your cool and not let your boss’s behavior affect your work ethic. Continue to work hard and act professionally to prove your worth to the company. Maintain a positive attitude, be respectful and focus on delivering high-quality work. 

• Talk to your boss

You might need to play this one by ear, depending on the type of behavior your boss is exhibiting. If you’re not being given the right opportunities, for example, then a semi-formal, performance review style of meeting can help you put your case forward. If your boss fails to follow through on your reasonable requests, you'll have something ‘official’ in writing to fall back on.

However, if your boss tends to get angry, defensive or critical, you may want to avoid a direct confrontation. In this case, make the meeting about your boss: what are their expectations and challenges, and how can you help them achieve their goals? Try to reposition yourself as their ally, rather than someone they need to keep down.

• Build supportive relationships

For their own reasons, your boss may be threatened by you, but building relationships with other people in the company can help counter that. A great way to do this is to find a mentor who can provide you with guidance and support; someone who believes in your abilities and can advocate for you when opportunities arise. 

Focus on developing your own skills and contacts, outside your boss’ web of influence, and avoid speaking negatively about your boss or gossiping.

•  Take charge

Sometimes fighting a bad boss is just more trouble than it’s worth. You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself and your circumstances. So, think about whether your job is worth fighting for or if you’d be happier elsewhere.

If you decide to confront the situation, consider seeking help from HR. Explain how your boss' behaviour affects your mental health and overall performance. Share detailed records about your boss' behavior. You can also offer practical suggestions to improve the situation.

If you feel you’re in a toxic workplace and nothing is going to change that, explore your options for a new role either within other departments or outside your organization. Just remember to do your research and spot the signs of a toxic workplace before you take a new job. It’s much better to be proactive than have to go through another nightmare boss experience.