“Why Do I Overshare?” — Experts Say TMI Could Be Your Personality Talking

You’re scrolling through social media, past the beach sunsets and sleepy cat photos, when something makes you stop. A caption stretches on and on, longer than you thought a status update could be. Curiosity wins, and you start reading. It’s someone you barely know, maybe a friend of a friend, pouring out every detail of their breakup for the world to see. And the information just keeps coming.

Like a car crash, you can’t look away. You find yourself reading the whole thing and learning far too much about this person. One thought hits you: why did they post this?

It’s a fair question. Oversharing, especially with people you don’t know, is a bold and borderline dangerous move. You open yourself up to judgment and criticism from literal strangers. So, why is it that some people just can’t quit with the TMI, while others prefer to keep things to themselves? 

The answer may have something to do with their personality. We spoke to the experts to find out.

The Personality Reasons People Overshare About Their Lives

Psychologists often use the scientifically validated Big Five personality system to explain why people think and behave the way they do. The Big Five measures five core personality traits—Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism—and the way you overshare (or don’t) might trace back to where you land on the five sliding scales.

Extraverts love to talk

If you know anyone who’s high on the Extraversion scale, chances are high they’re a talker, including about themselves! Natural Extraverts are often open, chatty and ready to share thoughts and ideas as they pop into their heads—which can sometimes mean giving away more information than they planned. 

Anita Webster, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and the founder of Inner Life Therapy, points out that high Extraversion naturally fuels a tendency toward 'TMI' moments. She says, “People with high Openness or Extraversion often enjoy expressing themselves and connecting with others, which can naturally lead to more personal disclosures. In these cases, sharing might feel energizing or even bonding.”

Jessica Plonchak, LCSW and Executive Clinical Director at Choice Point Health, agrees that oversharing is linked with Extraversion, but says it’s also a way for people to process their emotions. “On the deeper side, [oversharing] reflects emotional patterns or coping mechanisms. It is a complex behavior that is influenced by one's individual personality and emotional requirements,” she explains. “Individuals high in Extraversion are more likely to freely share their personal details because for them, sharing means the only right way to connect to others. When they do not set proper boundaries, their Extraversion leads to oversharing.”

Low Conscientiousness and high Agreeableness could also play a role 

Often, oversharing is not intentional but an impulsive move. People who are naturally impulsive may find that they accidentally reveal too much about themselves when talking. Impulsiveness is usually a sign of low Conscientiousness, the Big Five trait associated with responsibility and self-discipline.

This impulsiveness is often compounded if the person lacks boundaries, fails to understand social norms—or if they just have a need to feel accepted. As Webster explains, the impulsive desire to overshare “can come from a need to feel validated, especially for individuals who never learned how to receive healthy emotional attention.”

“People with impulsive traits or those who seek validation are more likely to overshare because they believe oversharing will give them immediate attention,” Plonchak adds. Combine an impulsive streak (low Conscientiousness) with a strong need for validation (which is sometimes, though not always, present in people with high Agreeableness, the trait of cooperation and group harmony), and oversharing often follows. When someone like this reveals intimate details, it usually comes down to one of two things: they’re speaking before they’ve had a chance to pause, or they’re reaching out in hopes of building rapport and feeling closer to others—even at the risk of going too far. In both cases, the intention isn’t negative.

Believe it or not, people who overshare aren’t aware when they’ve crossed a line. “There are definitely people who overshare because they are trying to feel connected, but there are also those who may not realize their behavior is making others uncomfortable,” says Webster.

When someone has a very low Conscientiousness score, for example, they may not be in tune with what is and isn’t socially appropriate. Put them in a social setting like a dinner party (or even online), and they could share the gory details of their life without considering whether it’s welcome.

On the other hand, people who have high levels of Conscientiousness may lean completely the other way. These people can come across as guarded since they want to avoid saying the wrong thing, which means it can be hard to get close to them.

The Emotional State We’re In When We Overshare

While people’s personalities could impact whether they overshare, it doesn’t start and end there. Plonchak says, sometimes, people lean into TMI as a way to regulate difficult emotions or as a coping mechanism to help them relieve some pressure.

This is particularly true for people who tend to get anxious. Anxiety can be a sign of higher Neuroticism on the Big Five, or it may stem from something else entirely. Either way, anxious people may fixate on how others see them and, to avoid being judged or looked down on, overshare as a way to control the narrative themselves. “Someone who feels anxious might try to feel more in control by putting everything on the table right away,” Webster says. “The act of sharing becomes a stand-in for emotional connection, even when the timing or context is not ideal.”

For these people, oversharing often feels good in the moment. It creates a false sense of closeness with new people and allows them to believe they’ve taken control of their self-image. However, that feeling is unlikely to last. “This immediate relief does not count as useful for long-term emotional health,” Plonchak says.

Social Media Rewards Oversharing

While oversharing happens in person often enough, it’s rife online. Whether it’s likes, comments or even sponsorship, we quite literally get rewarded for disclosing personal details on the internet. It’s no wonder that 84% of us share extremely personal information on our social accounts every week.

For Plonchak, “Digital spaces amplify oversharing because they create a false sense of intimacy. It feels like you’re speaking to a close friend, but in reality, your words may reach an unpredictable number of people.” Besides the obvious loss of privacy, she warns that oversharing online can have serious emotional impacts, including “vulnerability to criticism and emotional burnout.” These consequences can be long-lasting, “since digital content remains permanent.”

Webster adds that, for people who are already prone to oversharing, “the lack of clear boundaries online can make it even more difficult to self-regulate.” Put simply, a long Instagram caption, a confessional TikTok storytime, or a Facebook vent can feel just like sharing with friends. Except the person has no control over how far and wide that information goes.

The Risks of Oversharing 

Let’s think about what happens in the aftermath of oversharing. If you’ve ever done it yourself—and most of us have—you’ll know that it’s quickly followed by discomfort. Plus, if you’ve shared personal things with the wrong person, you might face anything from awkwardness to betrayal.

“Oversharing becomes harmful when a person is exploited, judged and feels regretful,” says Plonchak. “There’s no doubt that those who chronically overshare end up facing emotional consequences like shame or regret, and social consequences too, such as alienation and exploited relationships.”

With that in mind, it’s important to be attentive of who you’re sharing with and how often this happens, then make an effort to pull back if you sense it’s gone too far.

Remember, too, that it’s not just the oversharer who suffers in this scenario—“It can also be harmful for others when a listener feels uncomfortable and overwhelmed on hearing too much about an individual,” Plonchak says. They didn’t ask to learn so much about you against their will, and they’re not in a place to hear potentially traumatic or disturbing things. “It can harm others if they feel burdened by the weight of someone else’s disclosures,” adds Webster.

How to Find Balance When Sharing

Neither extreme oversharing or being 100% closed off is likely to benefit you socially. But how can you get the balance right? The answer is to be mindful of the conversations you have, both in person and when you’re communicating with communities online.

“While vulnerability is important, it works best when it is grounded in trust and mutual understanding,” says Webster. “Learning how to pace emotional disclosures, assess safety in relationships, and reflect before sharing are all part of developing emotional boundaries.”

Making real connections with people—without the subtle yet strong pull of either social media or your more impulsive personality traits—often means taking things slowly, and revealing information only when you’re ready to do so. Timing can be everything here. It’s not about saying more, but saying what matters, to the people who deserve to hear it.