Why ESTPs are the GOATs of Flirting

Picture it: You’re at a get-together with friends when someone walks up and introduces themselves.

You know who they are. Everyone knows who they are—they're always the loudest person in the room. But you have never really gotten to know each other. Now that they’re talking to you, you wonder how you ever didn’t want to know this person.

They’re charming and intelligent. They hold eye contact and match your banter. They're surprisingly insightful. You tell them about yourself and they follow up with thoughtful questions. You feel like the most special person in the room.

The whole conversation is a blur but, when it’s over, you have their phone number and a new crush.

Guess what? You’ve just been charmed by an ESTP.

Among the 16 personality types, ESTPs are the GOATs of flirting. They collect phone numbers like some people collect baseball cards. But why are they so good at it? Let's dive into six reasons why ESTPs are such superior flirts.

1. They Have Guts

How many relationships have we missed out on, simply because we’re too scared to approach somebody? For introverts especially, many of us can fall into the trap of waiting to be approached because we are scared of rejection.

You know who isn’t afraid? The ESTP.

ESTPs enjoy novelty and excitement, so they’re always looking to expand their social circle. If they find themselves free on Friday night, they likely will look for someone to take on a date. Instead of being afraid of rejection, they are focused on the excitement of meeting new people.

This is why, when they see an attractive person, they will take the risk and talk to them while a shy person would simply acknowledge their attractiveness and move on.

2. They Can Get Along With (Almost) Anybody

ESTPs are attuned to their surroundings: body language, how certain people react to certain jokes, other people's mannerisms. When they pick up on the personality of the person they are talking to, they’re able to customize their behavior towards that person.

However, this is not them changing to become more palatable to someone else. If they are that incompatible with someone, ESTPs will usually move on to the next person. But if they pick up that someone they really like is more introverted, they may talk more to take the pressure off the other person, or frame the conversation around something the other person is interested in.

They have a natural ability to read people and adjust their approach to make the other person feel comfortable.

ESTPs are also great conversationalists—there will be no painful silences when they’re around! They have a way of asking follow-up questions to keep the conversation flowing and interesting. For example, if you mention that you enjoy roller skating, the ESTP might ask you follow-up questions until you’ve fallen into a conversational groove. Then, they’ll set up a time for you to go skating together.

3. They Exude Confidence

Everybody jokes about how we can flirt with our friends like nobody’s business, but when it comes to someone we’re attracted to, our cool-guy attitude goes out the window. That's because we are not actually seeking the romantic affections of our friends: the pressure isn’t there.

The thing about ESTPs? They rarely feel pressure—even when they really like the person they’re talking to.

Healthy ESTPs are confident. Someone who knows their worth, outside of other people’s approval, will be more confident with social interaction. That's why ESTPs find approaching people and staying in conversations easier than most.

They will hold eye contact with you. When they begin the conversation with bodily flirting (touching shoulders, smiling a lot), they will follow through instead of getting embarrassed halfway through the conversation. In contrast, Intuitive Judging types like INTJs,  INFJs, ENTJs and ENFJs may be hyper-aware of the other person’s body language and see their shyness as a sign that they came on too strong.

ESTPs definitely want to come off as impressive—but it’s not a big deal if they don’t.

4. They’re Charming

ESTPs’ confidence attracts others. People tend to look for traits in their romantic partners that they wish they could have for themselves. For ESTPs, this is confidence.  It's extremely attractive when someone has a strong sense of who they are.

Known as one of the most charismatic personality types, ESTPs come off as funny and lively. This makes everybody else interested in them. Others start thinking, “I have to get to know this person better.”

In a way that only they can, ESTPs employ body language and disarming words to make each person they talk to feel special. This is why, after having a one-on-one conversation with them, you are left wondering how someone so widely liked can be so authentically insightful.

5. They Are the Banter Experts

A lot of people are good at comebacks, just not right away. They get too nervous and are not relaxed enough to come up with a quip until later. ESTPs are some of the rare ones who will fire back at you. They will not get flustered if you try a good-natured insult, they will insult you back right away—with a tone that lets you know that they’re just kidding.

They also have a good sense of humor. It takes intelligence to be funny. Instead of relying on commonplace jokes, ESTPs will often make sardonic observations that elicit genuine laughter. Most of making someone else like you is making them laugh, and ESTPs understand that.

They’re great at forming and remembering inside jokes. This makes the people they flirt with feel special. For example, if they witness you spill your drink at a party, they’ll joke about it to you to ease the embarrassment. Next time you see each other, they’ll address you with a good-natured joke about being careful with your drink.

Boom, connection.

6. They’re Authentic

Authenticity is not the first word people think of when they think of ESTPs—many people regard them as experts at appearing put together. But actually, a key factor that attracts people to ESTPs is the rare-but-special combination of charisma matched with radical authenticity: a product of their Extraversion, Sensing and Perceiving traits.

As spontaneous Perceivers, they are more focused on having fun in the moment than proving something to others. However, their Extraversion and Sensing traits give them the social skills to keep from being off-putting. Their authenticity is charming, not jarring.

Where other personalities (like Extraverted Judgers) find it harder to present as their genuine selves, ESTPs are so upfront with their intentions that others trust them. And where more introspective personalities (like Introverted Perceivers) can present a little too genuinely, ESTPs have more tact.

People sense this authenticity and want to be part of their world.