6 Signs You’re Less Healthy Than The Average Enneagram Four

If you want to make an Enneagram Four’s day, tell them how unique they are! Fours pride themselves on being distinctive and original. When they’re healthy, they’re endearing, passionate people who use past experiences in fresh ways to help them grow. 

When they’re unhealthy, it’s like you’re dealing with a different person. All that passion can quickly turn into self-absorption and depression. Fours spiral into self-pity when they feel like they’re not good enough to deserve anything of value, and it can be tough for them to break out of that mindset. 

If this sounds familiar, you may be looking for ways to stop the rollercoaster and get back to a level state. The first step is recognizing when you’re on a downswing.  Here are 6 signs that you might be less healthy than you should be as a Four, and some tips to help reboot your creativity and wellness.

1. You Are Your Own Worst Critic 

Being your own worst critic is not unique to Fours. Ones, Threes and Sixes are also quick to turn blame inwards instead of rationalizing the situation. But unhealthy Fours take it to a whole new level — they constantly compare themselves to others, and are hard on themselves if they don’t measure up. They don't choose good measures of comparison, either. In an unhealthy state, Fours seem to actively seek out those they see as more successful or talented, in some type of obsessive attempt to punish themselves.

This constant self-battering is gaslighting at its finest. If you start believing the lies you tell yourself, like “I’m such a failure,” or “Everyone’s doing better than me,” you’re on your way to an unhealthy state.

2. You Drown Your Sorrows 

Fours crave transformation and insight. In a healthy state, you use your experiences, emotions and intuition to help you “see the light.” But when you’re unhealthy, and you feel those inner gifts have stopped working, you may reach for substances to alter your emotional state.

It’s a slippery slope. As a Four, you are always in touch with your feelings. Alcohol or drugs can intensify those emotions or send them in an uncontrolled direction, leading to even less control over the way you see the world. By numbing yourself, you’re also depriving yourself of the very thing that makes you unique — your raw emotions and creative power.

3. You Live in A Fantasy World 

Fours are one of the most imaginative of all the Enneagram types. When healthy, this is a wonderful gift that allows you to see things in new ways and process your ideas and experiences productively. When less healthy, you may use your imagination as a way to escape from reality. The more elaborate your fantasy world becomes, the harder it is to face your true feelings.

It can be tempting to retreat into a bubble of make-believe when the real world feels too painful. Your fantasy world is a safe space where no one rejects you or makes you feel inadequate. But the longer you stay there, detached from reality, the more distant people and opportunities become. Are you pushing people away to stay in your bubble? That's a sign that you need to take a step back and reconnect with the real world.

4. Your Emotions Spiral (and Take You With Them) 

Fours often carry the belief that they’re missing something fundamental that everyone else has, or they’re a broken person. Unsurprisingly, these are intense and painful emotions. In a healthy state, you’re able to dive into these feelings and process in a rational way. In an unhealthy state, you become trigger-happy with your emotions, where the slightest provocation can send you spiraling into despair.

You'll know this is happening when a subtle dig from a coworker sends you into an emotional tailspin. Suddenly, everything feels worse than it is and your self-worth plummets. Taking a duvet day to nurse your wounds can easily become days and days of isolation as you stew in victim mode. 

5. You Have Unhealthy Attachments 

Many Fours have a need to connect with others as they see them as a source of stability in their lives. In an unhealthy state, that need becomes a dependency. You may glue yourself to the first person who makes you feel safe and special, while turning a blind eye to their flaws. 

Fours view themselves as somehow defective and use coping mechanisms to fill the void as part of their everyday experience. If those coping mechanisms stop working, and you start clinging to a person or relationship as a way to feel whole, you’re in dangerous territory.

6. You’re a Stage-Five People Pleaser 

Under stress, Fours travel in the direction of a Type Two and take on the Two's negative traits. This includes people pleasing and flattering others as a form of manipulation to get the connection you crave. When at their lowest, some Fours will go to great lengths to be seen and acknowledged by others. 

If people don’t respond in the way you want, you might belittle them with passive-aggressive comments or become cruel in ways that are out of character for you, just so you can feel  better about yourself. This is your anger taking over — you're mad that you can't get the closeness and validation you crave, so you push others away.

Three Strategies For Becoming Healthier 

Now you know the signs of an unhealthy Four, let’s look at how you can turn things around. The following survival strategies will help you get back on track and reconnect with your true self.

• See yourself from an outsider’s perspective. Get out of your head and look objectively at your situation. Is the intense emotion you’re feeling, or the negative thoughts that are taking over, based on reality? Are you seeing things as they truly are, or through the lens of your inner critic? Practice mindfulness to ground you in the present moment, or have a friend tell it like it is.
• Swap 'comparisonitis' with finding common ground. Instead of viewing others as better than you, work on finding the things you have in common. Celebrate their successes and use them as inspiration for your own journey, rather than seeing them as a barrier to connection.
• Be disciplined. You have a complex relationship with discipline and routines, which can feel stifling to you. But establishing healthy habits can help you stay grounded and practical and create a stable foundation for processing your emotions. Bedtime and exercise routines are a good place to start, before adding in other activities like journaling or meditation to help unpack your feelings.