7 Techniques Emotionally Intelligent People Use to Take Down Their Haters

Having emotional intelligence goes far beyond simply recognizing your own feelings or showing empathy toward others. It’s also about resilience—staying grounded and positive in the face of criticism, conflict or negativity. High-EQ individuals know how to pause, assess and respond thoughtfully, even when dealing with toxic people like an online troll, frenemy or workplace bully.

Instead of getting pulled into negativity, emotionally intelligent people rely on proven strategies to protect their peace and maintain their confidence. And, unlike your mostly fixed Myers and Briggs type, emotional intelligence is a skill you can develop. So the next time someone tries to dull your shine, turn to these seven techniques to help you rise above and respond with grace.

Curious about your own EQ? Take Truity’s EQ Emotional Intelligence test  to see where you stand and how you can grow.

1. They Keep Their Cool 

Emotionally intelligent people excel at staying cool, even when tensions run high. Rather than letting anger or frustration take over, they consciously pause and manage their reactions. When someone says something hurtful, they might take a few deep breaths, excuse themselves from the situation, or say, “Let’s discuss this when we’re calmer.”

Why it works: Staying calm prevents you from handing power to the other person by stooping to their level. If you let your emotions dictate a rushed or heated response, you have already lost the argument. You maintain emotional control of the situation when you show the other person that they can’t ruffle your feathers. 

Action step: Next time you feel your emotions rising, count to 10 or step away, and respond only when you’re calm. The likelihood of responding rationally is greatly increased when you are calm, and it can have a powerful effect on the emotional state of the other person and the overall conversation.

2. They Nip Toxic Behavior in the Bud

Emotionally intelligent people don’t respond to negativity with passive-aggression or silence. Instead, they set clear boundaries by being direct with anyone who is condescending or hurtful. For example, as Mel Robbins, author of The Let Them Theory suggests, you can calmly ask, “Are you trying to be condescending?” or “Was that meant to be hurtful?” This quietly but firmly calls out the behavior and signals what you will and won’t tolerate.

Why it works: Calling out toxic behavior puts the hater on notice and gives them little room in which to move. It’s common for them to back off and retreat, Robbins says. On a personal level, reinforcing your boundaries in this way boosts your self-respect and keeps you above the negativity they’re trying to spread.

Action step: Next time someone crosses a line, address it directly and calmly. Use a simple question to highlight their behavior and make your boundaries clear without escalating the situation.

3.They Turn Insults into Insights 

Emotionally intelligent people look for lessons, even in criticism. While truly malicious comments aren’t worth your time, sometimes there’s a kernel of truth in feedback, even if it’s delivered harshly. Turning hurtful words into a learning opportunity is a real superpower.

Why it works: Transforming negativity into growth prevents you from feeling angry or discouraged. The hater doesn’t win because you don’t let their words bring you down; in fact, you grow from them. 

Action step: The next time you receive criticism, pause and ask yourself “Is there something valuable I can take from this?” This helps you reframe the situation as a growth opportunity. Silently thank the person for showing you a potential blind spot.

4. They Try to Understand the Other Person 

People with high EQ don’t excuse toxic behavior, but they do try to see where others are coming from. Are they having a tough day, facing personal struggles or acting out of envy? Having empathy for the other person can help you keep perspective and avoid taking their negativity personally.

Why it works: Empathy shifts the power dynamic. By asking, “Why are they doing this?” you move from reacting to reflecting. This keeps you from internalizing their negativity and can even prompt the other person to open up, lowering the tension and sometimes leading to common ground.

Action step: When someone lashes out, pause and consider what might be going on in their life. Remind yourself their words are more about them than about you. Respond with empathy, not defensiveness.

5. They Disarm with Humor 

Emotionally intelligent people know that humor can be a powerful tool in tense situations. Cracking a well-timed joke or making a lighthearted comment can instantly dissolve hostility and reset the tone, especially when it feels like you are stuck in a verbal boxing ring and the hater is about to throw the punch that makes you lose your cool. 

Why it works: Humor catches haters off guard and disrupts their negative momentum. By making a joke or framing their comment as ridiculous, you show that their words don’t affect you. You also keep the mood light, protecting your own peace of mind.

Action step: The next time someone tries to get under your skin, try responding with a witty remark or a touch of humor. It can defuse the situation and remind you not to take things too seriously.

6. They Have Supportive People on Speed Dial

High-EQ individuals surround themselves with people who uplift and support them. Knowing you have friends, family or colleagues who have your back, and are just a quick text away, can make all the difference when dealing with negativity. 

Why it works: Haters thrive on making you feel isolated. When you’re connected to a strong support system, you are a less appealing target. Plus, your circle can help you keep things in perspective and remind you of your worth. A study by California State University, Fullerton, found that when college students received a check-in text from a loved one, it decreased their feelings of depression and isolation.  

Action step: Reach out to your support network when you’re feeling down or doubting yourself. Even a quick check-in can boost your mood and reinforce your confidence, helping you rise above the drama.

7. They Handle Negativity with Neutrality  

Emotionally intelligent people experience self-doubt like everyone else, but they don’t let it derail them. When faced with negativity or discouragement, they stay focused on their own goals and respond without emotion. Instead of getting drawn in, they use neutral, non-committal responses like, “Thanks for your opinion. Noted.”

Why it works: This approach undermines the hater’s intent without giving them the reaction they want. By refusing to validate their negativity, you show their words have no power over you.

Action step: When someone tries to bring you down, respond with a neutral comment like “I hear you” or “I’ll keep that in mind.” A simple, non-committal comment acknowledges their words without giving them any real influence over your mindset or actions.  The message is clear: their tactics just won’t work on you.