Attachment Theory and the Enneagram: Is There a Link?

One of the most powerful ways the Enneagram is used is in improving romantic relationships. When you and your partner both know your Enneagram types, it opens the door to greater understanding and empathy, making it easier to navigate your relationship challenges. Instead of taking your partner’s frustrating behavior personally, you begin to see it through the lens of their core motivations and fears. This is why the Enneagram is frequently used in therapy and couples counseling—or any setting where intimate partners are working to improve their connection.

The Enneagram hit the mainstream in the 1980s, but just decades before, another powerful tool was shaping the way people understood relationships: attachment theory. 

Attachment theory

Attachment theory, first developed by British psychologist John Bowlby in the mid-20th century, explores how emotional bonds form and shape our relationships throughout life. Initially focused on the bond between children and their primary caregivers, Bowlby’s work, expanded by Mary Ainsworth, laid the foundation for understanding how early attachment experiences influence relationships in adulthood.

Building on their base, in the late 1980s psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver extended attachment theory to adult relationships. They identified how early attachment patterns influence adult behavior and relationship dynamics. 

As adult attachment theory gains traction, an intriguing question arises: 

• Does attachment style connect with the Enneagram?  
• Could your Enneagram type influence your attachment pattern, or vice versa?

Below, we explore how these two systems intersect to explain our behavior and motivations in relationships.

The Four Adult Attachment Styles

Ainsworth’s "Strange Situation" study categorized children's attachment patterns as secure, anxious or avoidant. Hazan and Shave’s work further evolved the categories for adult attachment into secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant (disorganized).

• Secure: People with a secure attachment style are comfortable with intimacy and relying on others, as well as feeling comfortable being relied upon. They trust their relationships and generally don’t fear abandonment or getting too close to their romantic partner.
• Anxious-Preoccupied: These individuals crave high levels of closeness, responsiveness, and reassurance. Anxiously-attached people often fear that their partner is less invested in the relationship than they are and may worry about abandonment.
• Dismissive-Avoidant: People with this attachment style prioritize independence, self-sufficiency and space. They are reluctant to depend on others and may feel uncomfortable with dependency from others. They may feel that their partner wants too much from them.
• Fearful-Avoidant ("Disorganized"): These individuals desire intimacy but simultaneously fear it. They may struggle to trust others and often feel torn between wanting closeness and fearing vulnerability. They may be quite guarded, fearing they will be hurt if they trust or depend on their partner.  

Is There a Link Between Attachment Style and the Enneagram?

It might be tempting to imagine that individuals with anxious attachment, who often fear abandonment and crave reassurance, align with Enneagram Types 2, 6 or 4. These types are particularly driven by the need for connection, security or validation from their partner. And it might be easy to imagine that those with avoidant attachment, who tend to be self-reliant and struggle more with emotional intimacy, may align with Enneagram Types 5, 7 or 8, as these types often prioritize independence and self-reliance over connection. 

However, these assumptions are far too general, and the overlap between the Enneagram and attachment style is much more complex and nuanced.  

The key link is that your Enneagram type shapes how you express your attachment style. For example, a person with a secure attachment style might fall into any of the nine Enneagram types, but their core motivations will influence how they express their security.  

A securely attached Type 9, for instance, may seek harmony and peace in their relationships, while a securely attached Type 3 may focus on achieving success and validation from others, but both will generally approach relationships with trust and openness.

A Type 9 with an anxious attachment style may avoid conflict and suppress their own needs to keep peace, fearing their partner will abandon them if there is tension. They may become overly accommodating, seeking constant reassurance that the relationship is stable. A Type 3 with anxious attachment, on the other hand, may focus intensely on achieving success or appearing perfect to gain their partner’s approval. They could be preoccupied with their partner's opinion of them, fearing rejection if they fall short of expectations, and may seek validation through accomplishments and attention. Both types seek security and feel anxiety, but they express it differently.

A Type 9 with an avoidant attachment style may withdraw emotionally when faced with conflict or intimacy, preferring to avoid confrontation and to maintain peace by distancing themselves. They may become passive or disengaged, not wanting to depend on their partner or let their partner depend on them. A Type 3 with avoidant attachment might focus on their career or achievements, using work as a way to distance themselves from emotional vulnerability. They could avoid expressing deeper emotions, fearing that closeness might expose flaws. They might prioritize their image over genuine connection in relationships. Both types demonstrate the avoidant tendencies, but the expression is different based on their Enneagram habit of attention.

When the Attachment Style Seems To Run Counter to the Enneagram Type 

Sometimes, an individual’s Enneagram type and attachment style seem at odds—for example, an avoidant Type 2 or an anxious Type 8. Let’s take a closer look.

• Avoidant Attachment Type 2: While Type 2s are naturally driven to connect with others and seek love through acts of service, an avoidant attachment style would cause them to distance themselves emotionally when intimacy feels overwhelming. They might be helpful to others but avoid the needs of their intimate partner. They might still offer help and support to meet their need to feel needed, but they avoid genuine emotional vulnerability, fearing that closeness could lead to rejection or dependence. Their helpfulness could become more about control than an expression of intimacy.
• Anxious Attachment Type 8: A Type 8 with an anxious attachment style expresses their need for control and strength in a more intense, fear-driven way. Typically self-reliant and assertive, an anxious attachment Type 8 would have an underlying fear of abandonment or betrayal, leading them to become more demanding in relationships. They might seek constant reassurance from their partner while simultaneously trying to maintain control to prevent vulnerability. This could manifest as possessiveness, jealousy or heightened defensiveness. Despite their tough exterior, they might be highly sensitive to rejection, overcompensating with displays of power to mask their anxiety around intimacy.

Attachment Styles Can Change, but Your Enneagram Type is Fixed

While attachment styles are shaped by early life experiences, particularly your relationship with your primary caregivers, your Enneagram type reveals a habit of attention that you are believed to be born with. Your Enneagram type is an expression of fundamental desires, fears and motivations that remain consistent throughout your life, while attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant or disorganized—are formed through the bonds and interactions in your upbringing. 

Since attachment styles develop in response to environmental factors and relationships, they can evolve over time, unlike your Enneagram type which remains fixed. This key difference supports the belief that any Enneagram type can have any attachment style, as the two systems originate from different developmental processes

In Summary

Each of the nine Enneagram types can have any attachment style, but the expression of that attachment style varies depending on the person’s core motivations, fears and desires. By understanding both your Enneagram type and attachment style, you can better recognize your patterns in relationships and work toward healthier, more secure connections.