Insane Things We Normalize: The Weird Quirk Each Enneagram Type Secretly Thinks Is Fine

We all have quirks and habits we believe are completely normal, until someone points out, “You know not everyone does that, right?” From listening to a gut-wrenching song 100 times in a row to designing a life with almost no direct human contact,  let’s have a closer look at some of the insane tendencies each Enneagram type thinks are totally reasonable. 

We’ll also explore what life looks like when each type relaxes this wild behavior and chooses a more spacious way of being. Let’s dive in!

Type One: Alphabetizing the Pantry 

We really appreciate your powers of organization and the way you strive to get things right, Type One. But when you alphabetize the pantry and get upset when you find a can of food in the wrong place, it stresses the rest of us out. Does it really matter that black beans are to the left of green beans? And is something awful going to happen if we just put the package of quinoa wherever it fits? We know that to you, it is a moral failing if the cupboard is disorganized. But for the rest of us, it feels like an enormous waste of time and energy.

When you relax your habit of attention, you accept life’s imperfections and give yourself more time to relax and play. You’ll know you are growing when you experience joyful tranquility when looking at an un-aphabetized food cupboard.

Type Two:  Answering All Messages Immediately, Even at 2:00 am

Your focus on the needs of other people is admirable, Type Two, and we appreciate how attentive you can be to your family, friends and coworkers. The way you support others is one of your superpowers, and we know you genuinely care about us. But it isn’t normal the way you drop literally everything to reply whenever someone needs you. You can take a one hour gym class without checking your phone. You can log off your work email at 7:00 pm – we aren’t saving lives and that reporting issue will still exist in the morning. And for the love of God, put your phone outside of your bedroom so you don’t hear the “ding” alerting you to a new message while you sleep. We don’t actually love the way you reply instantly, even at 2:00 am. We find it a bit creepy. 

When you relax your habit of attention, you shift your gaze from the needs of others to your own needs. You begin to practice healthy self-care, which actually makes you show up for us in a stronger, more balanced way. You know you are growing when you aren’t tempted to check your phone first thing in the morning just to see if anyone needs something.

Type Three: Competing About Literally Everything, Including Walking Down the Street

You are a superstar at achieving your goals, and you look at life as something you can ace. That drive to be the best makes you high achieving and inspirational, Type Three, but sometimes you take it a bit too far. Every day doesn’t come with a giant score card, and we would probably be shocked to understand how much you want to beat us in everything, even just walking down the street. We’ve noticed that subtle sprint at the end just before you reach your destination, and yes, we’ve seen that broad grin on your face when you beat your kids at a board game. Trust us, they notice too. Have you ever thought that letting them win once in a while sends a better message than your need to always be best?

When you relax your habit of attention, we get to see all sides of you instead of just the winning edges. When you show us your flaws, we actually relate to you more, and you might be surprised to learn, we love you the most when you are real. You’ll know you are growing when it isn’t hard to let your kid beat you at Scrabble.

Type 4: Listening to a Song that Makes You Sad 100 Times in a Row

No one understands the emotional world quite like a Type Four. You experience your feelings deeply and, while the rest of us struggle to distinguish melancholy from mild sadness, you can easily name 50 shades of heartbreak. Your mastery of the emotional world is why we run to you when we have a thorny emotional problem we need help processing. 

But it isn’t normal human behavior to keep sadness on repeat for hours on end. We know that song reminds you of your cheating ex, but should you really be listening to it for two hours in a row? It can’t possibly help your recovery to stay in that dark space for so long. We know you love emotional intensity, but your nervous system would probably like some variety.

When you relax your habit of attention, you don’t succumb to your desire for emotional intensity. Instead, you move into action to keep your emotions in balance. You’ll know you are growing when you take your dog for a brisk walk next time you feel sadness welling up in your heart.

Type 5: Automating Literally Everything to Avoid Human Contact

Your home is your fortress and inside it, you feel safe and secure. While this is a shared experience by most people, the lengths you go to to avoid human contact is not. Online grocery delivery, self-checkout, automated bill payments, remote working and text messages instead of calls? Yes, it shows us that your life runs smoothly with almost no direct human interaction, but is this what’s best for you, Type Five? We know that you rejoiced when we went into the lockdown for the pandemic, but it really is healthy for you to engage in person with your fellow human beings. 

When you relax your habit of attention and trust your energy is more abundant than you think, small doses of connection feel nourishing to you. You’ll know you are growing when you are the one who suggests after-work drinks with your coworkers.

Type 6: Having a Month’s Supply of Dry Rations, Two Battery Packs, a Go-Bag, a Laminated Emergency Plan and a Fishing Pole in Your Closet, Just in Case

We appreciate how you consider the worst-case scenario. Making sure you are ready for anything bad that could happen is your superpower, Type Six. But while your vigilance has its place sometimes you can become a bit… extreme. Spare food is fine but I don’t think your family is going to eat those Combat Ration Energy bars, even if they are 2,000 calories per serving. And seriously now – a fishing pole? You don’t even know how to fish. And your argument that you could use it for barter in an emergency doesn’t hold up since you live 50 miles from open water…

When you relax your habit of attention, you still imagine what could go wrong, but it doesn’t have the same emotional intensity. You begin to trust your ability to navigate successfully whatever life throws at you. You’ll know you are growing when you pass that fishing pole on to your nephew, the one who actually fishes.

Type 7: Going to Three Parties in One Night Just Because the Next One is Probably the Best One

While it is true you have an almost supernatural amount of energy, and your drive for new experiences is unparalleled, even you must realize it is a bit extreme to change party locations three times in one evening. And yet, you don’t. You think it is totally normal, and you’ve done it way more than once. We love your positive thinking Type Seven, but doesn’t it border on pathological to always think the next venue is better than the one you are at?

For you, there is almost nothing worse than hearing about an amazing party you weren’t at, and this FOMO fuels you to visit as many events as you can. But when you relax your habit of attention, your drive to get to the future falls off and you finally experience what you seek: true happiness in the present moment.

Type 8: Telling the Taxi Driver Every Single Turn and Backstreet They Should Take

You are decisive, direct and you like to be in control, Type Eight. Those traits can serve you well, but let’s be honest – it isn’t normal behavior to micromanage a cab driver who’s been navigating the streets of New York for over two decades. And yet, you do it regularly, barking out orders on where to turn. It seems to almost cause you physical pain in your body to relinquish control and just let someone do their job without your input. We know it makes you feel vulnerable to have someone else take the lead, but honestly, it really is okay to let the professionals do their job.

When you relax your habit of attention, you’ll see the world keeps spinning without your constant intervention. You’ll even arrive at your destination in plenty of time. You know you are growing when you sit back in your seat and have a calm conversation about the weather while you let the driver focus on the route. 

Type 9: Staying in a Job You Don’t Really Like… for 20 Years

You love a peaceful environment, and change doesn’t come easily to you. You might visit the same restaurants, cook the same meals and have the same holiday spots for years in a row. That’s fine, and if it makes you happy, why not? But your resistance to change can be a bit intense, Type Nine, and you must realize most people don’t stay in a job they actively dislike for years and years. You don’t realize the way your mind overemphasizes why change is a bad idea, and how that leaves you stuck in places the rest of us would have left ages ago.

When you relax your habit of attention, your excitement to build the new overrides your discomfort in leaving the old. You’ll know you are on your way when you don’t just scan for new job opportunities – you actually update your resume and actively apply for them.

Turning Extremes into Growth Edges

Every insane habit comes from a perfectly sane thought pattern – it just gets taken to the extreme because we don’t realize how intense our habit of attention has become. The Enneagram gives us not just a torch to see our own quirks in a different light, but a roadmap to show us how we can flip that tendency into a stepping stone towards a better future. Learn more about your own personal growth path and how to be the best version of you.