Is It Bad to Never Fight in a Relationship? The Enneagram Gives Some Clues
We all know couples who proudly say they never fight. For some of us, that might sound like relationship bliss. For others, it raises eyebrows. Does never fighting mean you are deeply compatible or have found a way to work things out before they escalate? Or is it a sign that one or both partners are sweeping things under the rug, quietly breeding resentment?
The Enneagram offers a useful lens here. It can help us see when never fighting in a relationship is good, and when there is more to the story. So let’s talk about which Enneagram pairings are likely to stay fight-free in a healthy way, and which ones might be hiding more than they are saying.
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When “Never Fighting” Is a Green Flag
One and Six
These types are so outwardly similar that they are often mistaken for each other. Both Ones and Sixes value responsibility, loyalty and clarity in communication, and they both make practical, prudent decisions. They are motivated to work things through rather than let problems fester to the point of all-out fighting.
When there’s an issue, the One is likely to present their case almost like a lawyer: here is what’s wrong and here is how we can fix it. This stance pairs well with the Six’s cautious, planning-oriented approach to conflict. The Six works hard to avoid unnecessary fights that could destabilize the relationship and instead will weigh their options before taking action. This couple is likely to work together to come up with a plan that resolves the issue, although there might be some trial-and-error along the way as One learns to satisfy the Six’s more pessimistic outlook and Six learns to trust the One’s higher standards.
As a result, this pairing is well-equipped to resolve tension through planning and communication rather than raised voices.
Two and Nine
Two more types that frequently mistype as each other, this couple’s entire relationship is built around patience and harmony. Nines are the type least comfortable with open conflict, while Twos will go to great lengths to keep their partner happy and supported. Their shared commitment to keeping the peace means disagreements in this pairing often dissolve before they escalate into fights.
The challenge may be ensuring that each partner advocates for their own needs, rather than allowing peace to come at the expense of self-expression. But even though both types have a tendency to sweep issues under the rug, they kind of cancel it out in one another because each is laid-back enough to make it safe for the other to speak up. The Nine, for example, should feel comfortable raising concerns with the Two, knowing they won’t explode, and the Two will trust the Nine to smooth over tension with patience and acceptance.
Three and Eight
Both Threes and Eights are action-oriented and solution-focused, so they see conflict as a problem to solve rather than something to fight over. And although the Eight can be quite confrontational, the Three can handle their direct style without escalating. In fact, they appreciate it because it brings issues into the open where they can be addressed quickly and efficiently. Threes want to move forward with important goals as much as the Eight does, so they’re equally committed to resolving conflict and resuming their focus on progress and achievement.
The result is often a fast, practical resolution through calm communication rather than an emotional blow-up. If a mutually beneficial resolution or compromise isn’t possible, one of them may concede because the fight just isn’t worth the lost time or energy when there’s a bigger prize at stake.
When “Never Fighting” Is a Red Flag
Four and Seven
If this pair claims they “never fight,” it often means the Four is holding in their relationship frustrations while waiting for the Seven to pick up on them, without the Four having to spell it out. Meanwhile, the Seven is just too caught up in their whirlwind of experiences and distractions to even notice that something is wrong.
If this dynamic drags on for too long, the Four will start to feel unseen and disconnected, and may begin to question the relationship. The Seven might eventually sense that something is off but choose to remain in denial because they don’t know how to deal with the emotional intensity of the Four.
Five and Nine
The Five and Nine combo plays out in a similar way. If these two never fight, it’s probably because the peace-seeking Nine just doesn’t want to rock the boat, so they keep their dissatisfaction to themselves. As for the Five, they are simply too detached and withdrawn into their inner world, and tend to miss the subtle cues of frustration.
As with Fours and Sevens, the Nine’s unspoken resentment can build up quietly over time. Eventually, the Five may pick up on the negative vibes. But since Fives tend to avoid confrontation themselves (to conserve their energy), or address issues only in an intellectual “let’s just talk it out” kind of way without really pushing for change, the tension lingers and gradually eats away at their connection.
Two and Eight
The Two and Eight relationship is a potent meeting of opposites. When they never fight, it’s often because there’s an unconscious imbalance of power between them. The Two may feel it’s easier to just stay quiet rather than risk triggering the bold and confrontational Eight. The Eight, in turn, may assume that if nothing is said, everything must be fine. Since they themselves would speak up if something were wrong, they expect others to do the same.
Over time, the Two’s suppression can turn into resentment, even if they were the ones who chose to hold back in the first place. Unless the Eight senses that something is off and challenges them to speak up, that unspoken tension can slowly chip away at the emotional connection in the relationship.
Final Words
At the end of the day, “never fighting” doesn’t automatically mean a relationship is perfect. It really depends on what’s going on beneath the surface. For some couples, it reflects the ability to communicate openly and talk things through before they blow up. For others, it can mean conflict is being dodged because one or both partners don’t want to face it, or because there is an unspoken imbalance of power that leaves one partner quietly stewing while the other assumes all is well.
What really shows the health of a relationship isn’t whether fights happen or not, but whether both partners feel safe to bring issues up, are heard when they do, and can work through conflict without fear of escalation or dismissal. And if that sometimes means a little fighting along the way, it might be less of a red flag and more of a sign that the relationship is strong, honest and alive.
