Are Enneagram Type 3s Hiding Their Feelings? Exploring the Emotional World of the Achiever

“I’m a highly sensitive person and that can be super overwhelming and very inconvenient,” confesses Erin Slutsky, a Type 3 and an Enneagram coach.  “I’ll say to myself, I can’t cry right now,” she laughs. “It might mess up my mascara!”

The Enneagram Type 3 is called the Achiever. With a habit of attention that points to success, it can come as a surprise when people learn this personality style is part of the heart triad, the center of intelligence that first experiences the world through the energy of emotion. While the other two personality types in this grouping, the Type 2 Giver, and the Type 4 Individualist, are known for being high in empathy, the Type 3’s sensitivity to the emotional world isn’t so obvious.

“I’ve always been very matter-of-fact about things. And sometimes other people even say I should feel more emotion,” shares Lea, a Self-Preservation Type 3.  Jordan, another Type 3 agrees, “I see myself as analytical, objective and rational.” 

But what’s going on under that calm, polished exterior? It turns out, a lot is going on.  

“While I can be very zen about a lot of high levels things, when I get out into the world, dealing with a vendor, or caught in traffic, I very often lose my sh*t!” laughs Jordan.

Are Type 3s hiding their emotions? Repressing them? Genuinely not feeling much? Or something else? Let’s take a closer look at the inner workings of Type 3.

They Can Put Their Feelings in a Box

For Type 3s, most of their thoughts are directed towards tangible achievements and their image in the eyes of other people. In the middle to lower states of awareness, Type 3 experience themselves through their image. They spend a lot of time trying to look good in the eyes of other people and over-index on projecting a picture of success.  

But while the rest of the world generally sees a happy face and a carefully curated exterior, Type 3s do in fact feel deeply. Like the rest of us, they suffer when a relationship ends, they feel sadness when a loved one dies, and they can feel the sting of rejection when they lose a job. But whereas some Enneagram types unravel on the spot, Type 3s instinctively are able to set their feelings aside to keep moving forward, to keep performing and to keep functioning. It isn’t that they don’t feel. It’s that they can compartmentalize.

“I do feel my feelings. I can sit with them and name them. But it is also very easy for me to put my feelings off to the side. It is like I can put them in a box, label it, seal it tight and get back to whatever I need to do. I don’t mind that I can do that. It feels like a superpower!” shares Amanda, a Self-Preservation Type 3.

This capacity to create emotional distance allows Type 3s to navigate stress, disappointment and pain with surprising efficiency. That’s not to say Type 3s can drop a negative feeling on command, but they do have more agency over their darker emotions. “To fully feel something heavy, I need space and time. I don’t want to ugly cry at work. And since I’m wired for achievement, productivity takes priority. Managing my emotions feels productive,” explains Erin.

But every superpower has a shadow. When their feelings are pushed aside too often or too quickly, Type 3s can unintentionally bypass meaningful emotional experiences. They can miss the insight, the healing and even the deeper human connection that comes from being vulnerable and staying present with discomfort. By overmanaging their inner world, they run the risk of skimming life instead of fully living it. “I have to be careful that  I don’t miss out on what my feelings are trying to tell me,” admits Erin.

Action as Emotional Regulation: Healing Through Doing

Beyond just compartmentalizing, many Type 3s also bounce back or distance themselves from emotional wounds faster than other types. Where other personality styles may revisit, analyze and ruminate over their feelings, Type 3s often shift into action and move forward.

For the Energizer bunny of the Enneagram, moving into action can be a form of healing and emotional regulation. “Having a productive Saturday where I can tick 25 things off my list at my own pace? That feels soothing…”admits Amanda.  They quickly move into action as a way to take the edge off the emotional world. “I have to give my emotions a job,” says Erin. Focusing on something that can be achieved can be part of the healing process. But while a flurry of activity can be an effective distraction, is it an effective long term strategy or can it become a shield rather than a balm?

“It really depends on if I am able to choose my behavior,” reflects Erin. “If I use activity with consciousness and intention, it can be useful. But if it is unconscious, it can become a form of avoidance.”

I noticed this with my own Social Type 3 mother. When her husband of over 20 years died, she moved into hyper activity joining jazzercise classes, book clubs, wine making groups and more. I was worried it was an unhealthy response to the death of her partner, but my wiser friends counseled me to let her grieve her own way. Eventually she faced her pain and joined a grief group where she learned to process her loss. But she’s a Type 3 and action runs deep in her fiber – now she’s running the grief group!

They Are More Emotional Than You Might Think

“I cry at the drop of a hat!” says Jordan. “I just watched Soul on Fire, and I probably cried through three quarters of the movie.”

For Type 3s, the expression of emotion often depends on the environment. If they believe it’s acceptable or even productive to express their feelings, they can do so with ease. But more often, Type 3s use another strategy: the slow release. Erin explains, “My emotional world is like a 2-liter bottle of carbonated soda that’s been shaken hard. If I open the lid, there might be an explosion. So instead, I release a little bit at a time.” For Erin, that might look like watching emotional TikToks or YouTube videos like soldiers reuniting with families, surprise wedding proposals or pregnancy announcements. These moments give her a safe, controlled space to release emotion without disrupting her drive or composure.

Others feel just as deeply, but internally. “I don’t wear my feelings on the outside, but I do feel very deeply,” shares Amanda. “I just don’t always know what to do with my emotions.”

Tools to Help Type 3s Connect To Their Inner World

1. Journal

Taking time to write and reflect helps Type 3s intentionally connect with their emotions. Turning inward can be transformative for a personality so focused on external markers of success. “I like to get it all out,” says Erin, “because then I don’t have to hold it anymore.”

2. Slow Down and Accomplish Less

Slowing down and accomplishing less is an element of their personal growth path and allows the emotional world to surface. “Taking time where everything isn’t super booked is important to me,” says Amanda. “That’s when my emotions really bubble up.” Erin agrees “At least once a year, I take a personal retreat to really connect with myself. And this is the work I offer to other women now – helping them create the space to connect with themselves.” 

3. Use a Feelings Wheel

Because Type 3s tend to identify with only a few basic emotions, a feelings wheel can help broaden their emotional vocabulary. By giving language to subtle shades of feeling, they can name and process what is truly happening inside. Many Type 3s find this tool invaluable for deepening emotional awareness.

4. Movement and Breath

Tapping into the body is another powerful entry point into the emotional world. Breathwork and mindful movement help bridge the gap between doing and feeling.

“Kundalini Yoga has been such a fundamental part of me getting in touch with my emotions,” shares Jordan, who became a certified Kundalini Yoga teacher after discovering how movement, breath and mantra opened him to greater emotional honesty.

In Closing

A big part of the Type 3 journey is to slow down, to become still and to show up authentically. Type 3s have a huge capacity for feeling, but it only emerges when they relax their constant focus on achievement and image. “The difference between how I feel when I’m transparent versus when I’m worried about how I’m being perceived is like night and day,” says Jordan. 

And the dirty secret Type 3s probably don’t always realize is that we like them the most when they are real. For a personality so driven to be the best, it is their life’s work to learn that an authentic Type 3 is actually the best Type 3.