What You Should Shed From Your Life When You Turn 30, According to Your Enneagram

Turning 30 is a milestone, and for good reason. It’s the time when you can move past the whirlwind of your 20s and embrace a fresh decade of stability and self-knowledge — the perfect opportunity to take stock of your life and lose some things that aren’t serving you anymore. 

Everyone has their own unique journey, and specific things, habits or people they may need to let go of as they step into their true adult life. But according to the Enneagram, there are likely to be some recurring themes that are especially relevant for each type. The following can help you identify the “leaves” you may wish to let fall from your tree as you enter a new era. 

Ones: Pushing Yourself Too Hard 

Ones are known for striving for excellence. When you set your mind to something, nothing and no one will stand in your way. Your 20s might have been all about the hustle to reach where you are now, but you need regular breaks so you don’t push yourself too hard. It can be challenging for you to rest because you have sky-high expectations and standards you hold yourself to. 

Instead of being your harshest critic, and telling yourself you’re not doing enough, take some time to truly think about how far you’ve come, and assess whether you want or need to keep marching through your 30s at the pace you set for yourself in your 20s. Consider giving yourself more time to relax and enjoy life, without feeling guilty about it. Balance is the watchword for Ones in their 30s. 

• Add in some self-care activities to your routine, like meditation or yoga.
• Set goals you want to achieve, not what's expected of you, and don’t beat yourself up for not achieving perfection every time.
• Surround yourself with supportive and encouraging people who can remind you to take breaks and enjoy the present moment.

Twos: Fear of Saying “No” 

Twos put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. At their core, they believe that being helpful and going the extra mile for others is how they can earn love. If this sounds like you, you know how it causes you to ignore your own needs and makes you feel at the mercy of other people’s approval. Turning 30 is a turning point for you, Twos. You can’t keep stretching yourself thin for everyone else and neglecting your own wants and desires. 

Your goal this decade is to set healthy boundaries. They will look different from person to person, but think about how you can give yourself an equal share of your time, say “no” without feeling guilty,  and learn to rely on yourself for love and validation. Boundaries are a type of self-respect. They will give you the chance to support yourself, and others, without draining your empathy pool. 

• Stop apologizing for putting yourself first.
• Practice saying “no” without feeling guilty or selfish.
• Let go of people who only take and never give back or appreciate your efforts.

Threes: Status Symbols 

You are motivated to succeed and make a name for yourself, Type Three.  By the time you hit 30, you probably have already ticked off some big goals and look, to the outside world, like a success. You may have an impressive job title, an amazing apartment, and thousands of followers on Instagram. But will those symbols of success bring as much meaning to you in your 30s as they did in your 20s? 

Your challenge is to focus less on the ego boost you get from external validation and more on developing a strong sense of self. Challenge the inner voice that says your worth depends on others recognizing (or even coveting) what you have, and think about personal success metrics that matter, like being authentically happy and fulfilled from your experiences. 

• Experiment with taking breaks from social media — how do you feel when you can’t share your life with the world?
• When you find yourself wanting something for the status, ask yourself: what is my motivation for pursuing this? 
• Give back to your community, and see how being of service to others can bring a sense of accomplishment that goes beyond personal gain.

Fours: Romantic Letters From Your Ex 

Fours have deep feelings, a sense of nostalgia and idealized ideas of love. You are the type most likely to hold onto sentimental items, like letters from “the one that got away,” and sentimental feelings, like past decisions and opportunities you didn't take. Turning 30 means it's time to let go of these nostalgia traps and make space for new experiences and opportunities. 

Fours tend to romanticize the past, but focusing on what 'was' means you're clinging to an older version of yourself. You don't have to throw away all of your memories, but try this: instead of focusing on loss and longing, find evidence in them that points to how you’ve grown. This will help you start this new decade from a place of confidence, instead of worrying that your future won’t live up to the past. 

• Get rid of items that hold you back from living in the present.
• Practice gratitude for what you've learned and gained from past relationships or experiences, instead of dwelling on what could have been.
• Make it your goal to create new memories and experiences in your 30s, even if it involves redefining what fulfills you.

Fives: Shallow People 

Your 20s are often marked by bustling social periods—college, your first job, and learning to be an adult on your own. Fives can have a tough time with this. They are often torn between the need to make those social connections to survive and grow, and their natural tendency to withdraw. Many Fives spend their 20s gathering surface-level connections as a result, bouncing between relationships and friendships because they were easy, not because they had depth. 

What’s most important to Fives is forming intellectual connections, whether in love or friendship. Honor this truth as you enter a new decade. Remember that you deserve to be around people who match your requirements for substance and intellectual depth. It will give you more fulfilling relationships, instead of compromising yourself just to fit in—that’s never worth it. 

• Volunteer for causes you're passionate about, and meet others who care about the same issues.
• Join clubs or organizations related to your hobbies or interests, where you can connect with like-minded individuals.
• Prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. Invest in those that bring value and fulfillment into your life, and let go of surface-level connections that drain you.

Sixes: Relying on Others 

Sixes need to have structure, routine and a solid social circle around them to feel secure. You may have spent your 20s building up a support system of friends and loved ones, and you turned to them often for guidance and reassurance. While this is perfectly normal, it's time to start believing that you are ready to take on the world without constantly relying on others for support. 

Turning 30 is the perfect opportunity to trust yourself more. When Sixes make decisions based on their own judgement and intuition, they often surprise themselves with how capable they are. The 30s are a peak time for marriage, starting a family, buying a home and career advancement. Your safety net of friends will start to have commitments of their own, so it's better to start trusting yourself now than feeling like you cannot cope when things get tough. 

• Spend time alone with your thoughts, without seeking advice or opinions from others.
• Take small steps towards making independent decisions and trust in yourself.
• Remind yourself of past successes where you took charge and made good choices on your own.

Sevens: Fear of Missing Out 

It's easy to joke about FOMO, but Sevens can feel a deep sense of anxiety if they feel like they're missing out on life experiences. In your 20s, this may have led you to say yes to everything and anything, simply because you didn't want to pass up on something fun. It's great that you had those adventures, but what happens when your friends start settling down and you're still chasing the next thrill? 

Turning 30 means it's time to embrace a more mature mindset. This doesn't mean sacrificing spontaneity or having fun, but it does mean being intentional about how you spend your time and recognizing that true fulfillment comes from within, not just external experiences. You can still have exciting adventures in your 30s, but now you'll have a stronger sense of who you are and what truly brings joy to your life. 

• Have the right experiences, not all the experiences.
• Practice mindfulness and being present in the moment, instead of constantly chasing the next big thing.
• Make time for self-reflection and figure out what truly brings you joy and fulfillment.

Eights: Seeing Vulnerability as a Weakness 

Eights are strong and independent, but it sometimes comes at the cost of vulnerability and emotional expression. In your 20s, you may have built a tough exterior to protect yourself and avoid getting hurt. When you feel strong, you feel safe. But, if you hold onto the belief that being vulnerable means you’re weak, you’re blocking personal growth and preventing deeper connections with others. 

The loyalty and connection you crave in your relationships will only happen if you let yourself be vulnerable. At 30, it's time to start practicing this skill and allow others to see the real you. It takes courage and strength to show vulnerability, but courage is something you already have in abundance. Use it to break down those walls. 

• Check in with your feelings to identify when you’re afraid of appearing weak so you can challenge those fears head-on. 
• Share personal stories and experiences with others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
• Surround yourself with people who create a safe and supportive space for you to be vulnerable.

Nines: Energy Vampires 

It’s common for Nines to attract people who drain them of energy. That's because it's easier for you to go along with what others want rather than assert your own needs and boundaries. You’re empathetic and want harmony in your relationships, but that can leave you wide open to people who abuse your kindness or take advantage of you. You'll be in a better place in your 30s if you stop absorbing others’ drama and allow conflict – and your own opinions – to exist so you can speak up for yourself.

Instead of being the mediator, take stock of the people you’re letting into your life and question if they are worth having around. Do they give as much they take, respect your boundaries and make you feel alive? If not, it’s time to pull your energy away from them and focus on those who truly appreciate your kind spirit. Including, of course, yourself. 

• Set boundaries and stick to them, even if it causes conflict.
• Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who value you for who you are. 
• Let go of relationships that no longer serve you in a healthy way.