Why Enneagram Fours Live Like They’re the Main Character in the Story

Of all the Enneagram types, Enneagram Fours have the most main character energy. They often move through life as though they’re the protagonist of a movie with a unique and significant role to play in the world. This may seem like an egoistic trait. To an outsider, Fours might appear self-absorbed and overly dramatic, because they’re knee-deep in their own emotional experiences. In reality, they're just trying to find meaning and authenticity in a world that often feels shallow and superficial.

Adding to the complexity are the Four's adjacent Enneagram types or wings. A 4w3 (Four with type Three traits) will live out their main character tendencies quite differently than a 4w5 (Four with type Five traits). The Three wing adds a push-pull of wanting success and achievement while also feeling unworthy or undeserving of it, while a 4w5 tends to be more contemplative about their story.

Fours Crave a Unique Identity 

The Four’s kryptonite is being seen as ordinary. If they don’t feel unique, they don’t see themselves as special. As a result, they constantly seek to differentiate themselves from others and be seen as one-of-a-kind.

Fours will experience immense self-doubt if they can't identify their own uniqueness and go out of their way to avoid blending in with the crowd. For example, they might wear quirky clothing (think Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter) or read obscure books, regardless of whether they actually enjoy these things. Their hyper-focus on authenticity fuels their main-character thinking, where their desire to feel special might lead them to unconsciously frame themselves as the protagonist in every situation.

For a 4w3, the desire for authenticity is often linked to having an audience. Not only do they want to be seen as unique, they want others to view them as impressive. Their story might revolve around  being the best at something, being admired by others, or being the center of attention.

A 4w5 is emotionally intense, but will analyze their feelings objectively. They may compensate for fears of inadequacy by diving into specialized knowledge or obscure interests, positioning themselves as “experts” in niche domains as a shield against feeling ordinary.

Fours Tend to Engage in Self-Referencing 

Fours have an intense inner world, rich in emotion and contemplation, and they relate through those experiences as a way of communicating. They have a strong need for resonance, constantly musing, “How does this experience/ situation/ event/ story connect to my journey?” 
So, for example, if you tell a Four that you had a panic attack while driving to work, they might say, “Oh! I had a panic attack in the shower!” This behavior might annoy you. But the Four is not trying to one-up you or overshadow your experience, they’re trying to say, “I understand because I’ve been there too.” Since their attention naturally returns to their inner world, when hearing about your panic attack, their mind instantly references their own emotional history to process the conversation. Life is happening through them, not to them.  

All Fours engage in self-referencing, but a 4w3 does so with the need for acceptance in mind. They turn personal achievements into something inspiring for others, like a social media post, to achieve validation or connection. A 4w5 is more introspective. They will reach for resonance in a way that’s meaningful for them, instead of other people. For example, they might write a short poem no one reads that helps them process their feelings and gain clarity. 

Fours Are Emotionally Intense 

While they’re not necessarily drama queens, Fours are emotionally intense by nature. This stems partly from their self-referencing behavior, and partly from their deep-seated shame (“I’m fundamentally missing something others have”) that drives Fours to seek validation through emotional depth. In the Four’s mind, everything around them has  profound meaning. They’re always searching for a sense of purpose or even destiny, instead of taking things at surface level. 

Constant introspection and searching for “signs” around them can disconnect the Four from others. They’re so busy with their feelings and what everything means that they might miss or disregard other people’s experiences, placing themselves as the main – and sometimes the only – character in their story.  

A 4w3 has the introspection of a Four, but it’s tempered by the need for achievement and accolades. These types tend to express their feelings externally, perhaps by performing, to communicate and gain recognition for the ‘unseen’ inner world.

A 4w5 might do the opposite. They do not want to publicly express their emotions and may lean into exploring their inner landscape via creative channels like art.  

A Four’s Longing Adds to Their Drama 

Fours have a constant longing for completeness. They might not know exactly what they’re searching for, only that something is missing and they want more from life. Their ongoing search to fill that undefined absence is their hero's journey, and it adds drama and depth to their experience. 

Sometimes, a Four’s motivations can be more about the longing itself than reaching any kind of goal or their destination. For example, it’s more satisfying to have a crush on someone from afar than to get into the reality of a relationship. 

When the wings are in play, a 4w3’s longing tends to appear as ambition. Their longing can be more action-oriented, as they strive to reach new heights and be seen as successful. 4w3s can put a lot of pressure on themselves and be excessively self-critical.

A 4w5 strives for truth and answers within themselves. This can lead them to withdraw from others and spend time with their thoughts or engage in intellectual activities. 

The Intense Drive to Create 

Fours have something of a creative imperative. With their intense longing and need for connection, they want to feel that their inner truth can provide meaning beyond their lives. Every artistic act becomes a quest to answer “Who am I?” and “Do I matter?” The Four may chase down opportunities to share these insights with others, so they can leave behind something significant so it can be remembered. 

To a Four, it feels heartbreaking to experience so much and not make it matter on a larger scale. A 4w3 wants their creativity to be worthy and admired. So, they might strive to become an actor or musician and use their art to transform pain into something beautiful that resonates with others. A 4w5 may prefer to leave behind something profound in a quiet or intellectual way, such as a book they’ve written or a piece of music they’ve composed. 

Either way, their personal experience is the central theme of their creativity. If the creative output fails to capture the Four’s emotional truth, it can feel like a failure of self.

Final Words 

Fours can be described as the authors of the Enneagram—constantly writing their own stories, searching for depth and meaning in every moment, and craving an emotionally rich life. Whether they strive for success and validation (4w3) or introspection and depth (4w5), Fours are on a mission to create the type of story worthy of them being its main character.