Why Physical and Activity Love Styles Have Goated Relationships

If one of you has a Physical love style and the other prefers Activity, you have the potential for something truly special together. These two love styles go hand in hand since you both thrive in each other’s presence..

The combination of physical touch, bodily intimacy as you go about your day, and taking part in shared activities together also helps prevent two of the biggest relationship pitfalls: lack of connection and lack of novelty. A lot of couples complain they are drifting apart or feel like the relationship has gone stale. But with this pairing, you get the best of both worlds. Physical touch keeps a sense of connection alive, while shared activities keep things fresh and exciting as you explore new hobbies and date nights.

The Power of the Physical Love Style

You’ve probably heard that physical affection like hugging and touching your partner boosts oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and lowers cortisol (the stress hormone). These things are common knowledge by now, thanks to the internet and every magazine’s relationship column out there. 

What you may not know is how the neurochemical effects of physical affection spill over into better communication. For example, one study found that couples who touch each other before or during tense or heated moments are better at managing conflict. So, the next time you’re not seeing eye to eye with your partner, you’ll know what to do—just make sure you choose the right moment, of course!

Since we’re on the subject of touch in relationships, there’s one area we just can’t skip: the bedroom. We’re often led to believe that great sex is the secret to a great relationship. But according to Marnia Robinson, the author of the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, if we rely too much on dopamine-driven sexual touch, it can actually hurt long-term intimacy.

Passion has its place, she says, but it’s bonding, non-sexual touch like hugging, holding hands, or just sitting next to each other that keeps relationships strong in the long run. That’s because these little, everyday touches train your brain to associate your partner with safety and comfort. These associations get stronger over time, while the thrill of dopamine-driven physical intimacy fades eventually, making partners think that the spark is gone.

With that in mind, here are a few ways to harness the power of affectionate touch in your relationship:

• Sprinkle in more casual touches. Instead of only hugging and kissing when greeting each other and saying goodbye, sprinkle in some small, casual touches throughout the day. Run your fingers through their hair while watching a movie. Give them an encouraging pat on the back when they’re getting ready in the morning. Or even surprise them with a gentle, spontaneous hug “just because.”
• Long hugs. Instead of quick, routine hugs, try holding each other for longer and really relax into it a couple of times a day. Research shows that receiving a 20 second hug has a calming effect, reducing blood pressure and slowing down heart rate.
• Give each other massages. You don’t need to learn any fancy techniques (though that definitely could be a bonus!). Just explore what feels good for each other and make it a regular thing, maybe after a long day or when getting ready for bed.

The Power of the Activity Love Style

Doing activities together isn’t just about having fun and making memories. Research shows that couples who engage in shared activities can better cope with stress and feel more connected to each other.

However, not all shared activities are created equal. Studies suggest that doing exciting and novel things together, like trying a new sport or traveling somewhere new, makes couples feel more satisfied with their relationship. On the flip side, if your shared time together revolves around doing routine and mundane stuff, you can begin to associate spending time with each other with boredom.

Renowned relationship psychologist Esther Perel says that doing new, thrilling or even slightly risky activities together can bring back the spark in a long-term relationship. That's because when you engage in fun, out-of-the-ordinary activities together, you see each other in a fresh light — kind of like you did when you first fell for each other. 

It’s also worth noting that the Activity love style isn’t just about doing things together. It’s also about genuinely taking an interest in your partner’s world, such as their hobbies, work or the random things they enjoy. Research backs this up. For example, one study found that couples who spent a lot of time talking tended to feel closer and more satisfied in their relationship.

The following tips will help you incorporate more of the Activity love style into your relationship:

• Add structure. Quality time can easily slip through the cracks in the chaos of life. That’s where having some structure can help. For example, you could try the 2-2-2 Rule: plan a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a longer vacation every two years. Then block off that time in your calendars in advance just for each other—no distractions or other plans.
• Engage with what they love. Make an effort to dive deeper into your partner’s world. For example, if you ask them what they did last night and they mention playing a video game, don’t just leave it at that and move on. Ask what it’s about, why they like it, or even try playing it with them!
• Make the most of the mundane. While some routine is inevitable, try not to let too much of your time together be consumed by mundane, repetitive tasks. Yes, errands need running and the house needs cleaning, but you can turn those into opportunities for connection. For example, you can use that time to check in with each other or even start planning where you want to go on your next romantic getaway.

Final Words

Physical and Activity love styles really do make a great pair not just because they naturally go together, but also they amplify each other. One study found that affectionate touch predicts that you will enjoy shared activities together, more than couples with lower physical affection. The two styles create a virtuous cycle. 

So, even if Physical or Activity are not your or your partner's go-to love styles, it's worth leaning into both. After all, science doesn’t lie, and it seems that all kinds of couples can benefit from touching each other and doing things together, no matter their preferred love style.