6 ​​Signs You’re the Toxic One at Festive Celebrations

The festive season isn’t always about gingerbread houses and leaving snacks for Santa. Holiday  gatherings can be stressful experiences, like when family conversations become so tense, trying to stay calm feels like an Olympic sport. 

While you’re mentally preparing to maintain your inner peace and dodge Aunt Anne’s questions about why you’re “still” single, you might want to ask yourself a more terrifying question.

No, not whether that eggnog is really non-alcoholic, but if you’re the toxic one at the holiday table. 

Could your passive-aggressive comments be dropping everyone’s mood faster than Uncle Bob’s political rants? Is your eye-rolling more frequent than your cousin’s Google searches for “last-minute gift ideas”? Here are six signs that you’re in danger of being the toxic guest at this year’s festivities, and what you might do to reel in that behavior.

You might also want to take the Toxic Person Test to check yourself before you wreck yourself!

1. You’re a Verbal Snowstorm  

If you’re spending time with friends or loved ones that you have hardly seen all year, it’s only natural that you want to fill them in on all the exciting things that have happened since they last saw you. What's not so great? Blabbing on and on about yourself without giving anyone else a chance to speak, making them wish their favorite holiday songs could be playing louder just to drown you out.

How to avoid it: For every fun fact you share about yourself, let someone else get a turn. We're not suggesting you keep score, but just be mindful of how much you're dominating the conversation. If it's painful to keep quiet while someone starts another rant about the merits of saying "Merry Christmas" versus "Happy Holidays", take another cookie to stop you from talking! 

2. You’re the Angel of Unwanted Advice  

I mean, doesn’t your cousin get that she’s slicing the turkey wrong? Doesn’t your brother understand that his boisterous kids need to learn some manners? When others can’t seem to figure out fairly basic tasks, it might feel like the best thing to do is give them a step-by-step guide. Will others find this helpful, though? Probably not. No matter how “right” you are, no one wants to be lectured at the dinner table.

How to avoid it: When you can’t seem to hold in the unsolicited advice that’s burning in your throat, take a deep breath and ask yourself: "How do I say this politely, so it doesn't offend?" For example, when your brother complains that his children don’t want to go to bed, instead of saying, “You need to discipline your rowdy kids,” say something like,  “Have you tried setting a bedtime routine to make it easier for them?” Not only will this keep your relationship intact, but it might just be helpful! 

3. You’re Santa's Little Spotlight Stealer

Oh, I didn’t realize you’d been hired to perform at the event with your 30-minute toast that could have been a comedy stand-up session! From shoving your phone in people’s faces to show them just one more photo of your recent trip around the world, to one-upping every anecdote with your funnier/more interesting stories, you, my friend, are in danger of making the event all about you. And no one likes a show off.

How to avoid it: Notice the vibe. When you go off on a tangent about your own stuff, pay attention to the body language cues others give you. If you can see people looking uncomfortable, checking their phone, or getting second helpings of pie to get away from the conversation, these are signs it’s time to retire your act and give someone else the spotlight. 

4. You’re a Glory Gobbler  

Holiday play time is all fun and games—until your competitive streak kicks in. Suddenly, you’re in full warrior mode during Scrabble. You’re screaming so dramatically whenever you miss a point, you could win an Academy Award for your performance (and you’re setting off your neighbor’s dogs). And what the heck are your teammates doing during Ultimate Trivia Showdown? If you are yelling “It’s District 12, y’all, get it right!” maybe take a deep breath and realize this isn’t actually The Hunger Games.

How to avoid it: Remember that you’re not supposed to be in world-domination mode right now (or ever, really). If you're taking the games too seriously, try to lighten up and focus on enjoying the company of those around you instead. Laugh off the points you lose instead of turning into the Holiday Hulk. Not everything is about winning!  

5. You’re the Pessimistic Party Pooper 

Every party has its highs and lows, but if you’re often the one raining on everyone’s parade with perpetual pessimism—“What's the point of decorating? You only have to take it all down in a few weeks anyway!”—you might bring the mood down faster than the plummeting temperatures outdoors. One minute, you’re snarking at the food, and the next minute, you’re complaining about how long it took to make and dropping passive-aggressive comments like “Fine” or “Whatever” to any attempts to get you into the party spirit. Time to turn that frown upside down, grumpy elf! 

How to avoid it: How about expressing gratitude instead of grumpiness? It’s easy to jump on the negativity train when you’re feeling overwhelmed, but try to find at least one thing you’re thankful for and focus on that. "I feel” statements can also help keep sarcasm at the front door. For example, “I feel like this singalong session isn’t my vibe but I want you guys to enjoy it” instead of  “This is so lame.” It’s okay to not love everything about the holiday season, but try to find some joy in it for the sake of those around you. 

6. You’re Frosty the Grudge Holder

Maybe you’re finding it hard to be cheerful because someone at the party has been zapping your mood since 2009. Yikes. Maybe it’s the same person who can’t help critiquing your pumpkin pie every darn year or makes snarky comments about your outfit. You might be avoiding a family member who’s been toxic to you in the past, but now they’re at the party and it’s making the entire occasion take on a sour note.

How to avoid it: This probably isn't the best time to start an air-clearing conversation—maybe that could be a New Year’s resolution?—but try not to stew in negativity all day. Ignore them and focus on others at the event. Instead of sending death glares across the room, stay busy with the little ones, take photos of cute decorations, or chat to someone you haven’t seen in a while. Sometimes it’s better to just let go and enjoy the holiday spirit rather than holding onto old grudges, and these small glimmers will  help you spread that holiday cheer. Now go enjoy the party, you holly jolly ball of light!