Best Gifts for Each Enneagram Type That Money Can’t Buy

They say the best things in life are free and, when it comes to showing appreciation and affection for our loved ones, some gifts have a lot more staying power than a silver bracelet or a dinner-theater experience. The gift each Enneagram type truly wants is more satisfying, though less easy to deliver. Here’s what might be on each list.

Type One: The Gift of Relief from Criticism

As their own harshest critic, Type Ones would secretly love a day (or a week!) without having to listen to their internal autocrat. Some relief from the voice that tells them their well-prepared presentation was weak, or the dinner lacked seasoning, or they’re not making gains at the gym. Turning off the stream of judgment, even for a few hours, would help the One savor a peace they seldom experience. But the negative self-talk is just so incredibly hard for them to dial down.

Because this internal work can’t be gift-wrapped, you can show love to Type Ones by:

• Drawing them into a fun escapade that gives them a break from their busy mind.
• Raving about their wonderful attributes to drown out the negative reviews they give themselves.

Type Two: The Gift of Feeling Valued

Beneath the surface, many Type Twos believe they must give to receive. There’s a constant stream of questions running through their heads – What would happen if I stopped being the listening ear? If someone else is the dearest companion and cookie provider, what would become of me? If I’m not a helper, what’s my role? While Type Twos truly delight in assisting others, they also feel a niggling sense that without their caretaking efforts, others will not love them.

The well-being that results from feeling valued cannot be boxed and given to Type Twos. Instead, you can show them gratitude and favor by:

• Serving them before they serve you, which will be a sweet surprise for them.
• Stopping the material gift-giving cycle and sharing words of thankfulness in place of purchased items. This shifts the dynamic from transactional to relational, letting them know their worth isn’t tied only to what they give others. 

Type Three: The Gift of Being Appreciated for Oneself

Turning the spotlight away from the Type Three’s achievements can leave them feeling untethered. Success shapes their identity, and performing well is how Threes learn to stand out. Without the stellar accomplishments they expect from themselves and the resulting rewards, a void settles in. Yet the push toward achievement can be all-consuming. Threes struggle to enjoy the project, sport, career, task or even the relationship unless they believe they’re excelling or being recognized for it. 

You can’t turn off the internal performance meter of a Type Three to ease their stress, but you can build them up by:

• Praising their innate qualities, such as their care for their team or family. This re-focuses their perceived value as so much more than a “doer.”
• Reminding them of their significance as a spouse, sibling, parent, son, daughter or friend.

Type Four: The Gift of Belonging and Acceptance

With authenticity as a primary value, Type Fours wince when they hear half-truths or nuanced versions of reality. These types can often see through the polished story to what really transpired. This insightfulness does not always make them popular, especially if they voice the discrepancies they see—their raw yet empathic honesty can sometimes land too close to home. While Fours consider their authentic responses to be refreshing, it makes them vulnerable and frustrated when they meet resistance, as they deeply long for genuine understanding and acceptance. 

Offer Fours the gift of belonging by:

• Remaining truthful and listening well to their perspective. They may not be looking for agreement or disagreement, just understanding.
• Connecting with them on a deeper level, when appropriate, to nourish the relationship.

Type Five: The Gift of Abundance

Scarcity rumbles in the background of the Type Five’s mind and it’s always ready to trigger an alarm. Whether it’s using up their time, energy or resources, many Type Fives feel the need to conserve what they have. They’ve experienced running on fumes before and feel overwhelmed by this prospect. For Type Fives, it is better to miss out than overbook. Yet, others often want more from them—more engagement, connection or involvement—than a Type Five feels able to give. This persistent tug-of-war leaves Fives feeling even more pressured to conserve their inner resources, and even more under siege.

What a gift abundance would make for this Enneagram type. Along with a gentle attitude of understanding, try:

• Giving them a generous amount of time and space to assess their calendar and budget and make their own choices.
• Honoring their boundaries, so when they do commit, they’re able to participate wholeheartedly.

Type Six: The Gift of Feeling Prepared

An average day for a Type Six puts them on alert for whatever can go sideways. Traffic can snarl so they follow an alternate route, the babysitter may become ill so they devise a backup plan,  weekend plans may get rained out so they plan some indoor activities too. Sixes want to be ready for whatever comes up, and their teams, friends and families Sixes benefit from their thoughtful planning.

What would happen if this preparation were done for a Type Six, so they could relax and enjoy the day? Give them this gift by:

• Making plans for the next outing with all the bases covered. By taking over this duty, Type Sixes learn to trust that others can handle things just as well as they would.
• Thinking through all the angles when a problem arises to help the Six adapt to unexpected change.

Type Seven: The Gift of Navigating Pain

Type Sevens look on the sunny side of life and almost always find ways to re-cast negative situations in the brightest light. They avoid stressful situations, and can overlook or even ignore difficulties because they don't want to confront uncomfortable emotions or sit with pain. But as they escape the flame of pain, Sevens miss out on the wisdom it can produce, like the deeper relationships they develop from resolving conflict or the release produced from grieving a loss. Even identifying areas for emotional growth can set Sevens up for a more satisfying future.

Though pain is a gift no one wants, you can help Sevens develop strategies to navigate it by:

• Ask meaningful questions that encourage Type Sevens to reflect beyond surface-level optimism, helping them acknowledge and process difficult emotions they might otherwise avoid.
•  Walking with Sevens through the grief, anger or discomfort they may have suppressed as they gradually open to it.

Type Eight: The Gift of Freedom To Be Vulnerable

Type Eights light up at the prospect of being free from control or betrayal. They enjoy feeling liberated to empower others and guide teams forward. Less high on their list is the freedom to be vulnerable. Type Eights steer away from appearing “less than” because they equate vulnerability with weakness, and appearing weak makes them uncomfortable. Though they champion others who lean on their strengths, they want to be the support rather than the supported. 

Help Eights break through their armor by:

• Patiently building trust and creating space for them to feel comfortable sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings.
• Acknowledging their courage when they venture into a confession. This validation helps Eights feel truly seen and respected and reinforces that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

Type Nine: The Gift of Unending Peace

With a heart that embraces harmony, Type Nines want nothing more than for everyone to get along. When this occurs spontaneously, Nines are in their happy place. The problem is, almost all relationships involve some level of conflict and dissenting opinions. Type Nines spend a lot of time and energy trying to smooth things over and keep interactions pleasant, but constantly playing peacekeeper can be exhausting for them.

You can give Type Nines the gift of peace by:

• Refraining from unnecessary “debates.” Does it really matter if Uncle Ted prefers the rival sports team? Are voting prospects appropriate for dinner conversation?
• Actively leaning into agreement and cooperation with others. This shows the Nine their efforts for unity are shared and valued. They will notice and be grateful.