Enneagram Ones and the Myth of Absolute Perfection

Enneagram Ones are known as perfectionists but many do not identify with that label at all. Plenty of Ones think “bird's eye” rather than “worm's eye.” They don't waste their time dotting every "i" and crossing every "t," and can be rather slapdash with rules they don't care for and projects they are not invested in.

In the same vein, plenty of Ones don't get swept away by moral principles and righteousness. We are often described as being so focused on our ideals that we can forget who and what purpose those ideals were meant to serve in the first place, like the principle is more important than the person. But I've yet to meet a One who is a tortured, self-righteous idealist.

Maybe I've mistyped myself and I'm not actually a One. Or maybe there's more nuance to words 'perfectionism' and 'morality' than we realize.

What is Perfectionism Anyway?

The dictionary definition is circular: “the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” It's associated with high standards, attention to detail, being exacting and being responsible. But the Enneagram isn't about our behaviors, or the outcomes of our behaviors. It's about why we behave the way we do. So what is perfectionism, really?

Perfectionism is a defense mechanism that every type uses to cope with something, though of course that something is different for every type. Take a Type Six, for example. They can also be perfectionist — detail-oriented and precise — because they fear being unprepared and unable to defend themselves from attack. To cope with this fear, they will meticulously plan and prepare for every potential scenario, covering all the bases to avoid feeling vulnerable or insecure.

For a One, perfectionism looks quite different. It's much more about being a good and honorable person than any sense of self-protection. Every One has some standard they're trying to live up to, which may or may not match society's rules, and may or may not be logical, depending on the One's maturity. There absolutely are examples where a One is the only person in their circle who cares about folding the laundry a certain way or the protocol for ordering office supplies. Yet, the One has a compulsive need to uphold that standard because they've internalized it as part of their identity. The only way for them to be a “good” person and “beyond reproach” is to live up to the standard that means something to them, even if it's meaningless to others.

The opposite is also true. When a One encounters a rule or standard they find meaningless, because there's no “goodness” attached to it, they follow it half-heartedly or even rebel. There are billions of rules and standards in the world and a One will not care about all of them. Their perfectionism is selective — they will channel it into areas they deem morally significant while tolerating imperfection in less consequential tasks.

The LOUD Inner Critic 

As to who might reproach or blame the One for falling short of an ideal, it doesn't actually matter. Ones do not need an external source of pressure to maintain the standard; they impose it on themselves as part of their strict sense of right and wrong. That wagging finger of blame is often nothing more than a voice inside their head. Ones care about being good or right, not just appearing good or right. Our harsh internal critic is still going to hold us to our own personal standards regardless of whether anyone else is watching.

Ones feel their inner critic as an angry voice, lashing out internally before turning to the outside world. You might see it show up as imposter syndrome, fury, defensiveness, or even self-loathing from a sense of never being good enough. As a result, Ones are on an endless quest towards self-improvement.  We might share those journeys with others, if their opinion is important to us. But most of the time, it happens behind closed doors and within our own minds.

The Gaping Chasm Between What Is and What Could Be

Though Ones want to be blameless (at least to themselves) in pretty much everything they do, they are painfully aware that this is an impossible feat. Ones can easily see how things could (or should) be made better. Every time we hit “send” on a report, every time we fold that laundry, there's a compromise. We have to weigh up the limits of our time and resources against the value of the output we're producing to find the balance of “good enough” that we can live with. Our standard of “good enough” may be so high that it looks to the outside world like perfection. But Ones can only ever teach themselves to be satisfied with their compromise position — it will never come naturally.

Justifications are necessary in this process. We might justify skipping a workout to meet a deadline at work, or justify ordering takeout instead of cooking a healthy meal because we're feeling under the weather. What's interesting is how we convince ourselves that we're making those decisions based on logic and objective truth, like a head type might. We use rational arguments to align our actions with our moral code: “If I miss this deadline, I'll get fired and then I won't be able to pay the gym membership anyway.” Sounds reasonable, right?

In fact, the justifications are there to expose our gut aversion to all that is “imperfect” in our world. We skipped a workout as the least bad option because the internal shame of falling below our self-imposed work standards was worse than the internal shame of not working out that day. The trade-off actually makes us unassailable. We “did the right thing” by prioritizing our career and woe betide anyone who disagrees.

Ultimately though, we're in this situation because the world is too imperfect to allow us to live life exactly as we wish. And that makes us feel angry and powerless, so we're back once again to trying to make the world a more perfect place.

Growing Beyond Your Type

Ones are happiest when they balance their inner critic with a sense of self-compassion. It involves putting play before work sometimes, laughing off mistakes, and reminding ourselves that the things we care about and measure ourselves against might only be a blip on someone else's radar. It means being kind to everyone, especially ourselves.

It’s also about learning to hold our ideals a little more gently. There's more than one way to get something right, and life is better when we enjoy the ride and celebrate the wins along the way. And if we don’t reach our own ideals of perfection, at least we've made progress, and that’s something to be proud of.