How to Deal With Low EQ Family Members You Can’t Walk Away From

Dealing with low-EQ people is sometimes as simple as cutting ties and moving on. But there are some people in your life you just can’t walk away from, such as family members, coworkers, neighbors or even an ex you share kids with. 

With low-EQ coworkers, you can probably manage the difficult conversations by keeping things professional and sticking to work talk, but family is a different story. The ties run deeper and you have a shared past and a shared future, which makes it harder to just keep things “cordial.” 

Plus, when you’re close with someone, their low-EQ behavior doesn’t just annoy you—it can affect you. Whether it’s their tone-deaf comments, subtle digs or complete lack of empathy, low-EQ behavior can really get under your skin and make you react in ways you swore you wouldn’t. So, let’s talk about how to deal with low-EQ family members you can’t walk away from without losing your cool or getting pulled into drama.

Stop Expecting Them to Change

Someone with low EQ isn’t just going to magically become self-aware or empathetic because you were patient or accommodating to their behavior. Nor are they likely to change because you gently pointed out how inconsiderate or straight-up toxic their behavior is. While there’s a chance they’ll change with time and maturity, if you keep hitting the same wall over and over, it might be time to accept where they currently are on the emotional intelligence front (i.e. lower than is healthy). 

For example, if you keep telling your sibling that their subtle digs are hurtful, but they hit you with something like “you’re too sensitive” or “can’t you take a joke?,” that could be your wake-up call. If they keep at it despite being told multiple times, they’re not just missing the point—they’re missing both social awareness and empathy big time. However, it’s not your job to guide them to emotional maturity. All you can do is protect your own emotional well-being so you’re not tempted to retaliate or come down to their level. 

So, shift your focus from trying to get through to them to beginning to draw the line.

Set Boundaries Like It’s Your Job

Establishing boundaries with family may feel awkward and even bring up a lot of guilt at first. If it’s a sibling you grew up with, suddenly drawing the line can feel like you’re breaking some kind of unspoken rule. They might even hit you with the classic “But we’re family!” guilt trip. This will sting, but don’t fall for it. Just because someone shares DNA with you doesn’t give them a free pass to mess with your emotional well-being. 

If you’re dealing with low-EQ relatives, here are some tips to help you enforce boundaries:

Avoid over-explaining. The more you explain, the more room you leave for pushback and guilt-tripping. So, keep it short, clear and calm. For example, instead of launching into a long justification about how you need space because you feel overwhelmed, just say, “I need to go now. Let's catch up another time,” in a steady and neutral tone and leave it at that.

Limit in-person interactions. If something can be handled over text, it’s often better to do that. While talking things out face-to-face can be faster and more productive with someone emotionally mature, it’s a different story with a low-EQ person. You know their patterns, and you know what tends to escalate. If they push for a meet-up or call, stand your ground calmly yet firmly (e.g. “Let’s stick to texting for now. There’s no reason to meet up over this, and things are hectic on my end.”)

Don't be vulnerable with them. When you’re feeling down, it might seem comforting to confide in someone who’s known you for years. But with low-EQ relatives, emotional vulnerability can come with a cost. Because they lack empathy, there’s a real risk they could later use what you shared in a moment of weakness against you. So, keep the deep, feeling stuff to yourself around them, and if they ask personal questions such as “So, how’s dating been since you and John split?,” keep things vague, like “Nothing major, just focusing on myself these days.” 

Use Neutral, Non-Triggering Language

You can’t control their EQ, but you can control your response. So, try to respond to them in neutral, non-triggering language.

In heated moments, use “I” statements like “I need a minute to myself” instead of “You’ve triggered me.” The goal is to express your needs without sounding accusatory, which only escalates things with low-EQ people as they often struggle with emotional control and tend to react impulsively when they feel attacked. 

If there’s a need to clear the air or address what happened in a certain situation, avoid assuming motives behind their behavior like, “You were trying to embarrass me in front of everyone when you said that”—even if you know that's true. Instead, say things like, “You said X, and I replied Y,” and leave it at that. The more you stay rooted in facts, the harder it will be for them to gaslight you. It will also help you avoid circular arguments about what they meant versus what they did.

Let Their Low EQ Behaviors Slide 

Some stuff just isn’t worth the fight. For example, if they make a subtle dig or a tone-deaf comment at a family gathering—like, “You’re still single?” or “Must be nice not having real responsibilities”—you might feel the urge to clap back. But pause and ask yourself: Is this really worth your emotional energy? 

In minor instances like that, it's better to let things slide—perhaps by changing the subject, excusing yourself or saying nothing at all. If it’s appropriate and you can pull it off, you can use neutral humor to diffuse the tension. Just don’t get down to their EQ level with witty, sarcastic comebacks, which could rile them up even more. 

The key is not to give them anything to work with so they can’t pull you into a drama loop. They might see your backing-off as their “win,” but in reality, you’re the one winning here.

Final Words

Dealing with low-EQ family members you can’t walk away from isn’t about fixing them. Rather, it’s about protecting your emotional well-being. After all, you can’t force someone to develop emotional awareness or empathy, but you can choose how you show up in the relationship. That means setting and enforcing your boundaries, using language that keeps things calm and knowing when to disengage instead of taking the bait.