The One Thing You're Stubborn About, By Enneagram Type

Stubbornness—it’s a trait we all battle with, no matter how open-minded we like to think we are. And if you’re an Enneagram enthusiast, you’ve probably noticed how each type has their own unique flavor of obstinance, rooted deeply in their core motivations and fears. 

Curious to see what your type is stubborn about? Here’s a deep dive into the one thing every Enneagram type refuses to budge on—and why it matters so much to them.  

Type 1: Being “Right” About The Things That Matter to Them

Type Ones are relentless perfectionists, driven by an internal need to be good and righteous. Their stubbornness shows up when they refuse to consider perspectives that don’t align with their moral compass. Even when faced with compelling evidence, if an idea or action doesn’t meet their high ethical standards, they simply won’t entertain it. 

This fixation stems from their core desire to live with integrity and their fear of being flawed or wrong. Being “right” isn’t just a preference but a way to maintain order in what they see as an imperfect world. Their wing can influence the form this stubbornness takes—One-wing-Twos might fixate on what’s “right” for the people around them, while One-wing-Nines may double down on their moral stance in ways that feel immovable. Ones often push themselves and others to meet their impossible standards, making compromise a challenge, especially when their inner critic is running the show. 

Type 2: Receiving Thanks Where It’s Due

Type Twos give and give…but their stubborn streak kicks in when they don’t feel appreciated in return. They are highly attuned to relationships and will cling to their expectation of acknowledgment for their efforts. Whether it’s craving a simple “thank you” or a heartfelt acknowledgment of their sacrifices, Twos dig in their heels when their contributions go unrecognized. 

Why? At their core, Twos want to feel loved and needed. If this need feels threatened—whether real or imagined—they can become reactive, withholding further help or emotionally doubling down on their disappointment. Their underlying fear of being unworthy of love drives them to carefully manage their relationships, and this includes how (and when) they are appreciated. A wing Three might stubbornly seek appreciation through achievement, while a wing One may become resentful if they feel the “rightness” of their effort isn’t celebrated. 

Type 3: Proving They Have Things Under Control 

The Achievers of the Enneagram can’t stand not being seen as successful. Type Threes are deeply stubborn when it comes to proving their worth, often refusing to admit when they’re struggling or in need of a break. To them, vulnerability or failure is akin to losing value, which they guard against at all costs. 

This stubbornness ties back to their fear of being seen as worthless unless they demonstrate success. The image-conscious Three feels pressure to constantly project competence and accomplishment, which can lead to insisting they “have things under control” even when the truth might be far from that. Wing Two Threes may stubbornly tie their success to pleasing others, while wing Four Threes tie it to originality or creativity. Threes might even refuse help, seeing it as a threat to their self-sufficient facade. 

Type 4: Holding Onto Their Emotional Truth 

For Type Fours, their emotions are sacred territory. The Individualists can be incredibly stubborn about validating and valuing their feelings, even if others disagree or downplay their importance. Whether it’s holding onto a specific mood, perspective or memory, Fours resist being told their feelings aren’t relevant or logical. 

Their insistence on anchoring themselves in their emotional authenticity comes from their core need to feel significant and unique. Their fear of being insignificant drives them to cling tightly to what makes them them, and this includes their intense emotional worlds. Wing Threes may channel this into creative expressions of their truth, while wing Fives might intellectualize their feelings to ensure others take them seriously. To a Four, letting go of their emotional stance might feel like losing a piece of their identity, which is why they fight so hard to hold on to it. 

Type 5: Protecting Their Time and Energy  

When it comes to defending their personal boundaries, Type Fives are immovable. They are highly protective of their time and energy and will stubbornly resist anything that feels like an infringement. This can include avoiding social gatherings, declining opportunities that seem too draining, or insisting on managing situations alone to safeguard their independence. 

A Five’s core desire is to feel competent and self-sufficient, which links closely to their fear of being overwhelmed or depleted. They tend to ration their energy carefully, seeing it as a limited resource. Their wings can shape how this plays out—wing Four Fives might stubbornly cling to their alone time for creative pursuits, while wing Six Fives might see their boundaries as essential to maintaining long-term safety. When a Five digs in on this issue, they aren’t being cold—they’re simply trying to protect their well-being. 

Type 6: Having a Plan B

Type Sixes are always on the lookout for potential threats, which can manifest as stubborn insistence on having a backup plan for even the safest bets. They often struggle with indecisiveness because they want to consider every possible outcome before committing. This can make them resistant to change or spontaneity because it feels like relinquishing control and taking unnecessary risks. 

This need for security stems from their core desire to feel safe and supported in uncertain situations, and their fear of being abandoned or without guidance. Wing Fives may channel this into intense research before making decisions, while wing Sevens might have an easier time adapting but still cling to their contingency plans. In relationships, Sixes’ stubbornness around planning ahead can cause tension when their partner wants to be more spontaneous. 

Type 7: Refusing to Make a Long-term Commitment 

Type Sevens are all about the next big adventure, which can lead to resistance when it comes to making long-term commitments. They love exploring new possibilities and hate feeling tied down or restricted in any way. Whether it’s a job, relationship, or even a vacation destination, Sevens may stubbornly resist committing fully because they fear missing out on something better or more exciting down the road. 

Their core desire for freedom and fulfillment drives this need for constant novelty and excitement. Their fear of being trapped or limited can make them resistant to settling down and focusing on one thing at a time. Wing Sixes may channel this into loyalty to their group of friends or community rather than committing to one person, while wing Eight Sevens may see commitment as a form of control and push back against it. In relationships, this stubbornness can cause tension when their partner wants to take things to the next level or make long-term plans. 

Type 8: Having the Final Word

The Challengers of the Enneagram are known for their strong wills and fierce independence. They can be stubbornly insistent on having the final word in any situation, whether it’s a debate with friends or a decision at work. Eights have a deep need to feel in control and resist anyone trying to assert authority over them. They may also hold onto grudges and refuse to back down even when they know they’re wrong, as admitting fault feels like losing power. 

Their core desire for self-protection is tied closely to their fear of being controlled or manipulated by others. Their wings play into this—wing Sevens might see asserting dominance as a way to maintain freedom and avoid being controlled, while wing Nines might stubbornly hold onto their beliefs to maintain inner peace and harmony. In relationships, this need for control can cause tension when they refuse to compromise or consider their partner’s perspective. 

Type 9: Refusing to Take Sides 

The Peacemakers are famously easy-going—until they sense conflict brewing. Type Nines can be stubbornly determined to maintain harmony, even if that means ignoring their personal needs,  bottling up their feelings, or calling someone out when their behavior is hurting them. They may also struggle with making decisions that could create tension or conflict, preferring to go with the flow and avoid rocking the boat. 

Their core desire for inner stability and peace is tied to their fear of being in conflict or causing division. Wing Eights may use goofball, self-effacing humor to diffuse tension, while wing Ones may wind up withdrawing or even criticizing themselves to avoid speaking up. In relationships, this need for peacekeeping can cause tension when their partner wants them to take a stand or address issues that are causing strain. 

Which Type of Stubborn Are You? 

Understanding your specific flavor of stubbornness (and its root motivations) can help you challenge it constructively. The Enneagram provides a powerful lens to better understand these patterns—and if you’re ready to explore it further, start digging into your wings, arrows, and subtypes! Who knows? You might just find that loosening your grip in the right areas opens doors you hadn’t even considered.