What It’s Like to Love Each Enneagram Type
If you ever feel like you’re from Venus and your partner is from Mars, it’s time to take an Enneagram test. For the uninitiated, the Enneagram is an ancient personality system that divides people into nine core types, each with their own unique motivations, fears and desires.
Understanding your Enneagram type (and your partner’s) can reveal a lot about how you both show up in relationships—your strengths, your struggles, how you handle conflict, and what makes you feel truly loved.
So, curious to know what it’s like to love each Enneagram Type? Let’s dive in.
Type One: The Principled Partner
You were likely drawn to your Type One partner for their strong moral compass and desire to make a positive impact on the world. These types make for deeply committed significant others. They take everything seriously, including their relationships, and will bring values like stability, responsibility and fairness to the table. You can also count on Ones to take on the more ‘mundane’ tasks of a relationship. Managing finances and keeping the home in order come naturally to this type, because they trust themselves to do things the “right” way.
While this can be a relief (goodbye admin!), it’s also a double-edged sword. Ones have incredibly high standards, not just for themselves but for those around them. They push themselves hard and can be critical when you (or they) fall short.
Thankfully, this is an area where you can help them grow. You can remind your One that they don’t have to be perfect to be loved, and that making mistakes is simply a part of being human.
Type Two: The Generous Partner
Twos are empathetic, upbeat and generous partners who put a lot of energy into making their loved ones feel special. They want to know everything about you and, more than that, find the perfect ways to make you feel happy and cared for. Twos are also incredibly social and tend to play a key role in their family and friendship circles. If you’re with a Two, expect a calendar packed with plans—probably at your home, because they love to host!
On the downside, Two’s drive to foster closeness with others can lead to problems. This type struggles with people-pleasing. They want to be needed and appreciated so much that they ignore their own wants and needs. They can also veer into being suffocating, offering help and craving validation to fill their own tank, rather than for altruistic reasons.
If you love a Two, remind them about the importance of taking care of themselves, as well as other people. When Twos find that balance, they make for wonderfully caring partners who bless the people around them with unconditional love.
Type Three: The Ambitious Partner
If you love a Three, you’re almost sure to ‘live the good life'. Ambitious and charismatic, Threes work tirelessly to achieve status and success, and take great pleasure in sharing the fruits of their labor with their loved ones. They’re also big believers in self-development, and have a knack for motivating and inspiring their partners to pursue their own dreams.
However, down time is not necessarily this type’s forte. Work may take priority, leaving you feeling overlooked or even lonely. It’s not that Threes don’t care, but their self-worth is tied to achievement. If you love a Three, show them that they are valued for who they are, not just what they accomplish. And with all those long hours they’ve logged, maybe it’s time to convince them to take a well-earned vacation.
Type Four: The Sensitive Partner
Sensitive and imaginative, Fours love deeply and passionately. This type wants romance to feel like the movies. If you’re with one, you’ll experience love like you never have before. They’re intense, devoted and creative in their affections. Expect poems, songs and artwork inspired by your relationship, along with deep soulful conversations that make you feel truly seen.
But the Type Four’s emotional depth comes at a cost. They can be dramatic and moody—something that comes with being so in touch with their emotions. Because they’re naturally sensitive, this type can also struggle with melancholy and self-doubt.
While this can be confusing (even irritating) for a potential partner, you can help them find their way when they get temporarily lost. It’s important, of course, to validate their feelings, but you can also encourage them to see the bright side when the world feels dark.
Type Five: The Enigmatic Partner
There’s something enigmatic about Type Fives. They’re the proverbial lone wolves—intelligent, independent and perceptive. If you’re with a Five, you’re very fortunate to have made it into their inner circle. This type doesn't trust others easily. But once they do, they’re unwaveringly loyal, and you’ll no doubt appreciate their calm aura and pragmatism. Not to mention their vast knowledge on an impressive array of topics.
However, this type can be intellectual to a fault. They struggle with emotional vulnerability and may try to objectively analyze relationship problems when, really, what’s needed is a heart to heart. It’s crucial for partners of Type Fives to know that their other halves aren’t unfeeling or cold. They feel deeply, but worry that emotions will overwhelm them.
This sticking point, though, is a great source of growth for the Type Five. If you can help them become more comfortable with their emotions, they’ll become more well-rounded and fulfilled as people.
Type Six: The Loyal Partner
Type Sixes make for devoted, supportive partners. They view relationships as lifelong commitments, and see it as their duty to tend to their partner’s happiness. They’re also very responsible. This type is ‘always saving for a rainy day’. Your retirement fund, finances and 10-year plans will likely be sorted already!
While their ability to plan ahead is no doubt a strength, it does come with some drawbacks. Namely, this type is almost always looking out for potential risks. This can make them hesitant to try new things, preferring instead the comfort and stability of their routine. They may also slip into hyper-vigilance, catastrophizing about perceived threats that don’t really exist.
When they get like this, the best way to support them is to remind them that they’re safe, and that they can handle whatever problems come their way. When they build their confidence, they’ll flourish as people and partners.
Type Seven: The Adventurous Partner
There’s never a dull moment with a Type Seven partner. Adventurous and fun-loving, this type brings a ton of enthusiasm and spontaneity to a relationship. They’re always coming up with ideas for things you can do together, infusing conversations with their creative humor and sharing their zest for life.
But while life with a Seven is certainly a lot of fun, they’re not always the best at the more practical, mundane aspects of a relationship. Paying bills, household chores and financial planning zap the energy out of this type. This can be frustrating for a partner that has to pick up the slack. Sevens may also bounce around a bit in their careers due to feelings of boredom, which can bring instability to a relationship.
If you love a Seven, realize that their tendency to sidestep difficulties isn’t laziness or flightiness. It comes from a deep fear of emotional pain. As their partner, one of the best things you can do for this type is help them realize that there is value in negative emotions. Instead of seeing them as something to be sidestepped, help them realize that the best way out is often through.
Type Eight: The Confident Partner
There are two sides to the Type Eight: the person they are with friends and colleagues, and the person they are with their partner. In work and social settings, Eights are natural leaders—charismatic, bold and full of drive. They speak directly, assert their opinions with ease, and trust deeply in their ideas and abilities. But around their partners, Type Eights are softer and sweeter. They’re still confident and expressive, but they’re also emotional and sensitive. It’s a side few get to witness and, truly, they will do anything to care for and protect their other half.
That said, Eights are far from easy to dominate. This type is innately stubborn. They like to take control and do things their own way—even bulldozing over their partners in the process (especially if their partner is on the quieter side). Eights also tend to struggle with slowing down, pouring so much of themselves into their work that they hit burnout.
Both of these traits stem from this type’s fear of powerlessness. To feel safe, they believe they need to maintain control of their environment at all times. As their partner, you can be a much needed refuge for them. Remind them that rest is not weakness, it’s a strength—one that’s essential for them to recharge and reach their goals.
Type Nine: The Peaceful Partner
Altruistic, gentle and optimistic, Type Nines make for sweet, nurturing partners. They are truly kind people, and you were likely drawn to them for their calming aura and idealistic views about the world. They also have a knack for making their loved ones feel validated, thanks to their ability to effortlessly understand and empathize with all sorts of perspectives.
Nines, though, have a tendency to sit on the fence, even when they have strong feelings about a matter. This stems from this type’s desire for harmony. Deep down, they worry that if they assert themselves, they will lose the love of the people around them. Naturally, this doesn’t bode well for conflict, which is part of any relationship. Nines, more than any other type, have a tendency to sweep things under the rug, which can lead to their true feelings coming out passive-aggressively.
If you love a Nine, you can help them grow as a person by encouraging them to discover and honor their true wants and needs. Show them that they don’t need to go with the flow to be loved, and remind them that their opinions and dreams matter just as much as everyone else’s.
