What Your Enneagram Personality Type Drinks at the Coffee Shop

Your ideal coffee is not the drink that you enjoy the most. If it were, everyone would order tea. Fight me. But with coffee, it's less about its taste and more about its essence. The barista calls your name and hands you a reflection of your soul in a to-go cup. Your personality is written in the beans, my friend. It's almost like your Enneagram type has its own signature drink.

Enneagram One: Organic Espresso, Neat 

The meticulous Type One doesn’t do frills. For starters, you're on a schedule. Waiting an extra three minutes for the milk to froth and chocolate shavings to curl throws the day off entirely. You appreciate something that’s fast and unadulterated; a pure shot of energy that is clean, consistent and gets the job done without unnecessary excess.

While espresso fits the bill nicely, it's the organic label that makes all the difference. Organic doesn't taste any different than chemical-soaked beans but it's morally superior. The one catch is your coffee must fall in the Goldilocks zone: Too hot? Imperfect. Too cold? Imperfect, and you're now questioning their loyalty to this establishment. Just the right temperature? Fine, but it could have been made with a little more commitment.

Runners up: Cold brew (because efficiency); Americano (a watered-down espresso, for when you're feeling too uptight).

Enneagram Two: Caramel Macchiato, Extra Whip

The ultimate nurturers (and people-pleasers) of the Enneagram, Type Twos can't help but add a little sweetness to their coffee. And by a little, we mean a lot. A caramel macchiato is your go-to order, with an extra dose of whipped cream for good measure. It's indulgent and comforting, just like how you want to make others feel. Bonus points if the barista knows your name and order by heart. Twos want to be seen and appreciated.

Beneath the syrupy exterior of a caramel macchiato sits a base of thick, strong espresso. Yes, we're using coffee as a metaphor for your personality. Twos like you put on a sweet facade, all caramel drizzle, but are actually incredibly bold in your helpfulness, which is aimed at getting your own needs met in the end. Everyone enjoys your kindness but you can take their teeth out if they forget to tell you how delicious you are.

Runners up: Vanilla latte (a classic, with a touch of sweetness); Honey lavender cold brew: (floral, sweet with just the right amount of buzz—like you in a cup). 

Enneagram Three: Nitro Cold Brew, No Foam 

Nitro cold brew is basically an ego trip with double the caffeine. Smooth, sophisticated and superior, it's the drink of choice for those who want an "optimum textural experience," a "premium mouthfeel" and the pretentiousness of getting their coffee served from a keg. Type Threes thrive on the perception of being the best, so — obvious match.

Specialty coffee drinkers get a bad rap for trying too hard, but don't they know that nitrogen eliminates oxygen in the coffee, taking all the bitterness out? It's scientifically proven to be better, so it can't be trying too hard when it's just fact. Even if you do have to order it no foam because a Guinness-lookalike doesn't match your personal brand.

Runners up: Anything limited edition on the seasonal menu (because exclusivity); iced latte (for that perfect Instagram photo).

Enneagram Four: Matcha Latte with Oat Milk 

A Four won’t order what everyone else is drinking. You yearn for Ethiopian Yirgacheffe, hand-roasted in small batches by local artisans, but Starbucks house blend is all that's available. The only menu item speaking to you is a matcha latte with oat milk and agave syrup. It's umami, it's Japanese and, just like your envy, it's green!

The experience of drinking is just as important as the coffee itself. You choose a seat in the corner with low-key lighting for that film-noir ambiance. Place a paperback of love poems on the table, spine cracked through the middle so everyone can see your intellectual depth. Savor the moment before the first sip when the reality of a mediocre mass-appeal drink settles in. And of course the server spelled your name wrong, you're misunderstood.

Runners up: A cortado (European vibes and an excuse to use the word "cortado"); French press coffee (full immersion, just like how you feel everything deeply).

Enneagram Five: Drip Coffee, Black With a Side of Privacy 

Type Fives don't care for $5 drinks and lack the attention span to fully read the menu. "Just give me a drip," you say. It's efficient, low eye contact, and it makes for a quick escape from the counter. And with a tolerance level around 12 cups per day, you need to budget your caffeine.

Fives don't “sit and sip” either. It's always to-go — grab the coffee and retreat to a safe, quiet haven where the noise of the world stays at bay. You have a bag of raw beans in your pocket which you pop as glorified caffeine pills when you can't be bothered to wait in line for a refill.  It's not so much a caffeine addiction as an easy excuse for your insomnia, which is really just an opportunity to stay up and learn.

Runners up: Cold brew (for days when you're feeling fancy); water (because you don't like wasting money).

Enneagram Six: Decaf, Just in Case

The staff at your usual coffee shop has a handle on every customer but you, Type Six. You're friendly and polite in conversation, but your eyes keep flicking over to the milk steamer likes it's the next scene in a Final Destination movie. You're fascinated by their explanation of the provenance of the beans but your constant interruptions — "Careful, that's hot!", "Let's just move this cup away from the edge!" —ruin the story. And your order is always planned ahead of time so they're never getting an upsale.

Familiarity is your jam, Six, but you're not boring. You've tried every (normal-sounding) item on the menu because you had to test it to know if you could trust it. So now you cycle through the latte, drip, cappuccino and flat white you deemed worthy. Always decaf, because caffeine dependency is a risk you're not willing to take.

Runners up: Hazelnut latte (because it smells like cookies your mom made); hot chocolate (to indulge your inner child).

Enneagram Seven: A Hong Kong-style Yuanyang

Made up of three parts coffee and seven parts Chinese milk tea, Yuanyang is the drink of choice for people who can't decide what they want and always want to try everything. The Type Seven's motto is, "why have one when you can have them all?" and luckily for you, your local coffee house pours it all into one cup. It tastes... interesting, but who cares? You've never been to Hong Kong and this drink makes you feel well-traveled.

The tea flavor hits the palate first, followed by the biting taste of coffee. It's just like how your happy-go-lucky persona hits everyone's perception first, masking the deep pain beneath. Sure, there are hints because you are the most sensitive to pain of all the Enneagram types, but whenever the mask is about to slip, you double down on the optimism to avoid the darkness. Also known as buying a cookie.

Runners up: Iced honey latte (at the first sign of spring); dirty chai (for when you're feeling extra).

Enneagram Eight: Americano with Extra Shots

Bold, gutsy and unapologetic, you, Eight, choose the coffee that gets the job done. The triple-shot Americano fits the bill with its strong, intense flavor and lack of frills. It's either a true power move or a drink that's as black as your soul, depending on whether we ask you or the colleague you steamrolled yesterday.

You're not interested in ambiance or fancy names, and you certainly don't care if the coffee is artisanal or ethically sourced. You have bigger battles to fight and this liquid fuel is just what you need to conquer them all. And if someone ever dares to mess up your order, they better watch out because you don't tolerate incompetence.

Runners up: Red eye (the name is a warning), Cuban coffee (strong, sweet, defiant).

Enneagram 9: Mocha

Of course Type Nines are going for a classic mocha. It's safe, sweet and familiar, with the perfect ratio of chocolate to espresso. Harmony and balance, in life as in coffee, brother.

Extremes are out so you're only ordering one mocha a day, unless your friend wants a coffee too and then you'll have one with them because that's just polite. You like the cafe down the street but you'll go to the other cafe sometimes because they need customers too, you guess. Sometimes, you get the hot chocolate and call it a day because you don't need to prove you're a grown up to the people who love you. Which is literally everyone.

Runners up:  London fog (like a warm hug); chocolate milk (when you're feeling whimsical).