Why Every INFJ Should Know Their Enneagram Type
If you have gone down the typical INFJ path of self-exploration but still feel a yearning to discover more about your own soul, you should study the Enneagram.
You already know what it means to be an INFJ, the rarest personality type, with all its complexities and challenges. But adding your Enneagram type to the mix will bring you face to face with your primal fears and desires. You will wrestle with the deeper motivations that set in motion your thoughts, your feelings, and the things you do.
Okay my INFJ friends, I know I’ve got you now. A deeper journey? An undiscovered road to new understanding? Sign me up, you say! But first …
A WARNING.
With the Enneagram, the roots of INFJ’s dark side will be illuminated. Right from the start, you will learn that our real motives are not altruistic, but they are instead our Achilles heel. We are truly vulnerable when we look honestly in the mirror at our own raw humanity and the “wounding message” that every Enneagram type must conquer.
So here’s the warning. If you decide to dig into the Enneagram, you will feel humbled by it. Even humiliated. Your first reaction to discovering your correct type will most likely be a mix of “aha” and “oh no.” It might be intense, but I’m placing my bets on you jumping in with both feet because INFJs are bold and fearless when it comes to exploration of all kinds, and they will always prefer a journey of real depth no matter the demons that chase them.
How Both Systems Work Together
As an INFJ, you may have learned about your energy style, how you perceive the world around you, how you make decisions, and how you interact with others. And while this is enough to chew on for anyone on the road to self-discovery, the deeper “why” the INFJ craves is not explored in the Myers and Briggs system.
But don’t worry my insight-hungry friends, because our most profound fears can be understood. This focus, with no candy coating, is the crown jewel of the Enneagram and is worth any discomfort we go through to get it. When we discover and clarify what we really long for and what terrifies us, we can set our course for conquering our demons. And INFJs are the most skilled and courageous demon hunters I’ve ever seen.
To understand more, let’s take the most preferred mental processes of our cognitive function stack.
Specifically, let’s look at Introverted Intuition (Ni), the dominant function of every INFJ, and Extraverted Feeling (Fe), the auxiliary (second favorite) function. Together, they explain how we take in information and make decisions.
These two INFJ functions overlap with certain Enneagram types and, when both systems are studied together, we can get a more complete picture of who we really are.
Introverted Intuition and Enneagram Type 4
Ni describes how you self-discover, but doesn’t explain why you search.
INFJs, perhaps more than any other type, have an awareness that they are different. They’ve always known it. As children they knew they didn’t fit in. As adults, they know that they see the world differently from almost anyone around them. This awareness, combined with their Ni preference, leaves an intense desire in them to understand themselves. Ni is what INFJs use to ponder the questions of the universe, and of their own soul.
And here’s one of the most noble traits of the INFJ — they aren’t afraid of the dark. An INFJ will hunt down monsters of all kinds and look them in the eye. They find these dark figures in the black abyss of their imagination and psyche, and they will wrestle them to the ground. But it’s the Enneagram that will help bring them into the light to be clearly seen and understood.
So what do we mean by bringing these monsters into the light?
Let’s look at Enneagram Type 4, which is believed to correlate with Introverted Intuition (Ni) and is often considered the most common Enneatype for the INFJ, because Ni is our most preferred function. That makes sense, right? The INFJ uses Ni in an all-consuming search for their authentic self, their true identity.
Guess who else has this drive?
Yes, Type 4s are known for their inner focus on deep meaning, and they have a compulsive drive to uncover what makes them unique. They not only ask the question “who am I” but “what am I,” which is an even deeper question. Their core motivation is to discover their own significance and their place in the universe, and what they fear most is that they have no place. What they really fear, dread, is that they have no identity.
Type 4’s wounding message
When an INFJ is also Enneagram Type 4, their wounding message is “There is something missing in you.” This message is the dark figure that can be discovered using Ni and brought to the surface with an honest look into Type 4’s fears and motives. INFJs already have the courage to do this, and the Enneagram will give them the tools.
Moving into the light
Enneagram type 4s often feel envious of others who they see as “more complete.” But as they uncover and overcome the false belief that everyone else has something that is missing in them, the feelings of insecurity will diminish, and one day be gone. Then we can turn the wounding message into a message that heals: “Don’t be ashamed because you aren’t missing anything. You are seen for who you are, and you belong.”
If the INFJ Type Four can accept and integrate this perspective into their belief system, they will have brought that wounding demon into the light where it can be slain. And the Enneagram will help them do this.
Extraverted Feeling and Enneagram Type Two
Fe describes how you care for others, but doesn’t explain why you give.
Now let’s look at our second example. INFJs are sensitive souls who really care about the people in their lives. We are known for our warmth, especially if we have decided to invite you into our sacred space. Part of why we are so dedicated to understanding ourselves is because we want to understand the dynamics of the close relationships we value most. This longing to deeply connect with others is the product of the INFJ’s auxiliary (or second favorite) function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe).
An INFJ will give of themselves and often neglect their own needs. It’s not uncommon for us to go into the emotional trenches with a friend that is hurting without considering how it affects us, and many seek us out for a listening ear. Our Fe is in charge of nurturing connections with people we love, and it can be all-consuming if not kept in check.
However, the Enneagram can help this kind of INFJ look below the surface at why they need to help others. What motivates them to always help and give?
When Fe is well-developed in the INFJ, Enneagram Type 2 often fits them. This is because they are most concerned with meeting the needs of others, even when their own needs are not being met. Sound familiar, my INFJ friends? Fe is correlated with the Type 2’s need to be a “giver.” And the INFJ uses Fe to facilitate connections with people, but here’s the thing — without knowing the deeper motives for your giving, you aren’t making true connections. You are just people pleasing.
And yes, you guessed it, Type 2s are known for their generosity and responsiveness to others, but their core motivation to be loved. What they fear most is not being needed or wanted. So their giving is not satisfying because it’s not altruistic, but motivated by what they hope to receive in return. Type Twos can become resentful when they don’t receive the same love and support they are giving out. What they fear most of all is that those they show love to will not love them back.
Type 2’s wounding message
The wounding message for the INFJ Enneatype 2 is “Your needs are not important.” For an INFJ, their Fe (which wants to support and nurture others) can overshadow their Ni (the introverted side focused on their own inner world), creating a strong urge to people-please. The Enneagram helps reveal this deeper pattern by showing that their acts of kindness often come from the desire to be accepted, not just pure generosity.
The true connection
Enneatype 2’s biggest challenge is to learn how to have authentic relationships with those they love. You may say, every INFJ is authentic, that’s one of their greatest traits. But sometimes, when their Fe is in heavy use, they can force a surface harmony and mistake that for real connection.
True connections, no matter your type, are based on honest exchanges in which the needs of both parties are met. Yet, INFJs often give more in their relationships, and the INFJ Enneatype 2 will have an even greater challenge in this area. The Enneagram can help them discover their deeper motivation to be needed and loved. The healing message that must be accepted is “You’re wanted and loved for who you are, not for what you give to others.” Only then will this type enjoy the truly authentic connections that they crave.
Final Thoughts
Remember that any Myers and Briggs Type can be any Enneagram number. This is the beauty in studying these two systems together — you might come out of the INFJ box and learn something surprising about yourself. For INFJs especially, who vary widely in their differences and whose personalities are so nuanced that we can be mysterious even to ourselves, leaving the Enneagram on the table, with all its ancient and current-day wisdom, is just a shame.
