Why You’re Still Single, Based On Your Myers & Briggs Personality Type
Dating is a jungle, and frankly, who has the energy for endless swipes left in hopes of finding The One? The sheer effort required to maintain a constant presence on dating apps and the sifting through of countless profiles, can be seriously emotionally draining and make you want to throw in the towel. But if your most significant relationship is currently with your ice cream spoon as you side-eye lovey-dovey couples, then this blog is for you.
We analyze how your Myers and Briggs personality type—the traits that make you uniquely yourself—might in fact have something to do with your chronically uncoupled status. Your personality type plays a driving role in how you perceive the world and make decisions and it can offer valuable insights into your relationship patterns and the reasons behind your current solo status. Exploring the characteristics associated with your personality can illuminate blind spots, highlight compatibility factors and ultimately provide a more self-aware approach to the perplexing journey of finding lasting love.
For instance, introverted types, who gain energy from solitude, may find the initial stages of dating, which often involve extensive social interaction, to be draining. They might struggle with initial small talk or maintaining a consistent level of engagement early on in dating. Their need for deeper, more meaningful connections can also lead to hesitation in casual dating scenarios.
So, let’s dive into all the relationship-killing tendencies of each of the Myers & Briggs types, shall we? Although this advice might seem a little tough-love, your personality type might just be the key that helps you unlock lasting love.
Not sure which of the 16 types you are? Take our free test here.
INFP: No one is ever good enough.
INFP, your imagination is a wild stallion, and being realistic is mostly off your agenda. You’re so caught up in the “what could be” versus "what really is," it’s hard for you to find anyone who meets your expectations. You frequently find yourself lost in elaborate daydreams of a soulmate, a flawless individual who will sweep you off your feet and fulfill every fantasy. Yet, a deeper truth underlies this pursuit: an unspoken belief that no one you encounter quite measures up to your exacting standards. In truth, no one is ever quite good enough for you. There, we said it!
Unfortunately, this conviction can put you on an endless journey of looking for that elusive “perfect” someone—a Mr. or Ms. Right—who exists only within the realm of your imagination. Believing that life is a romantic comedy, your real-world relationships often fall disastrously short, leaving you feeling dissatisfied and stuck in the Rom-Com doom-loop you’ve created in your head. Being more open to people and their disqualifying flaws, can be a way to loosen perfectionism’s icy grip on your love life.
ENFP: The shine wears off fast.
How come people are never as interesting on date three as they were on the first or second date? It's one of life's biggest mysteries to you, ENFP. You're always on the lookout for something new and exciting, and have zero tolerance for hearing the same stories told repeatedly. To you, dating is an adventure, not an endless dissertation about someone’s dog’s skin condition or the dead-boring inter-office wars of their middle-management job. The thrill wears off fast for you, and you're already on to the next prospect.
Sometimes people are just not a great match for your lively, dynamic ENFP-self, but building lasting relationships does require some tolerance for just being with someone after the first blush of novelty wears off. Try to stay engaged for a little longer, and you might find the spark and enduring interest you are looking for.
INTJ: People are vapid.
Finding a person you like is literally the proverbial needle in a haystack, am I right, INTJ? You’d much rather stay solo and brush up on your quantum physics knowledge / construct theories on time travel / decipher ancient hieroglyphics than have to talk to someone BORING. If it's not a mental match, the relationship is going nowhere with a capital “N.” Others often say you “think too much,” but you say that’s just because they don’t think enough.
While it’s certainly true an INFP may not be able to tolerate someone who endlessly discusses the newest Instagram beauty trend or latest season of The Circle, having a little more tolerance and being open to different people and experiences may serve you well in the dating game.
ENTJ: You're too intimidating for mere mortals.
From your high-powered career to your many accomplishments, you're a force to be reckoned with, ENTJ. You have no time for games and want someone who can keep up with your fast-paced lifestyle. Unfortunately, this style can intimidate people who might end up being a great match. In fact, many people may just shake in their boots whenever you enter a room! If a date can't keep up with your drive or standards, you tend to lose any respect you might have had for them—lead or leave. This can disqualify a lot of people who might end up being fantastic, supportive partners for an ENTJ. So when meeting new people, try to slow your inner-Sandra Bullock-in-The Proposal–roll!
INFJ: You're waiting for a unicorn.
You're a special breed, INFJ, and finding someone as unique as you is like searching for a vegan at a barbecue in Texas.
Each date feels like they’re from Planet Normal, adeptly chit-chatting about their normal job, family and interests, and all you can think about is how superficial this person must be. You become convinced that they’ve never read Vonnegut or Dostoyevsky–let alone really felt them in their gut, that they are not capable of bursting into tears listening to Nina Simone. Therefore, they can’t possibly be a romantic prospect. You want to go deep from the get-go and yearn for a partner who’s not just a triple-threat in looks, brains and kindness, but also someone ready to swoon at a concert and plan a tree-planting trip to the Amazon on a first date. Sadly, your criteria are as mythical as a unicorn. Sigh.
Your INFJ superpower can be listening and really understanding others, so before you write someone off, try and go a little deeper and see what you find. You may be surprised.
ENFJ: You scare them off with your feelings.
Oh, ENFJ. You try so hard to please everyone and do everything perfectly that dates have called you “intense” on more than one occasion. And it’s true. You feel like everyone is too cavalier, too careless and too unwilling to show affection, so after a few bum dates, you’d rather focus on bettering people who want your advice and support. Forget those ungrateful people, anyway. Someone will appreciate being smothered with love.
You may want to try holding in your feelings (just a little bit!) while you are still getting to know someone, and just see how things develop.
INTP: You overanalyze everything.
What did they mean when they said “I’ll text you?” That they intensely dislike the sound of your voice or maybe are just giving you the brush off? Why did they twirl their hair twice? Were they desperate to get out of there and away from you? Admit, after most first dates, your INTP brain is processing these small signals and questions for hours, if not days! You can’t help it; you’re wired to analyze everything, so dating is exquisite torture for your. It’s so much easier to stay home, order takeout and watch the BBC’s Pride & Prejudice remake (again). People are just too confusing, and you aren’t sure you like them, anyway. Trying to calm that inner monologue when dating is hard to do for INTP, but it is an essential skill to grow into. Because, you know they may eventually take Pride & Prejudice off Netflix, and then what will you do?
ENTP: You endlessly thirst for something new.
It’s no surprise commitment is something you struggle with, ENTP. You love a good match of the minds, but you also live for the thrill of the chase and that moment when someone new (and hot) gives you the eyes from across the room. Your flirty, charming nature brings you a lot of attention, but when it comes to settling down, you either get bored or intimidated by the idea. That’s okay, Casanova. Someday, you’ll meet your match.
ISFJ: You might cancel a date for a cat.
You look after everyone and their dog, ISFJ. You never put yourself first, which means you might agree to babysit your best friend’s kids, water your neighbor's plants, or go visit your parents without remembering you had a date scheduled for that evening. Time to reschedule and—oh, wait, there’s a stray cat that needs your help. Because you attend to everyone else’s needs before your own, you need to consciously make time for new friends and potential partners in your life. Unless you like being a certified cat-lady (which is actually kind of a thing now and is absolutely fine with us).
ESFJ: You’re looking for someone who needs saving.
Sure, that superhero costume looks great on you, ESFJ, but you don’t have to be someone’s Clark Kent to make romance worthwhile. Instead of looking for a partner in crime, you end up looking for the person who needs some rescuing, and before you know it, you’re in a relationship with the first person who says “help!” You chose this path because your heart is made of gold, but you deserve someone who wants to take care of you.
But always looking to “save” someone, while noble, can come at the expense of finding a partner who shares your values, interests and life goals. Just saying!
ISFP: You’re too artistic.
Your creativity knows no bounds, ISFP. So why is it so hard to find someone who matches your vibes? They say opposites attract, but you feel like you’ve tried dating every personality type except the one person who’ll get you. You’re a master at drawing, painting and playing the guitar, while they’re more interested in golfing and watching The Bachelor. Yawn.
Looking for the unexpected creative spark in people is key for you as an ISFP. Trying to get more "under the hood" to see if someone has a truly creative mind can help. Many people have intensely creative pursuits they keep under wraps. Everyone is not playing their guitar at parties (and thank goodness for that).
ESFP: No one knows whether you're coming or going.
Spontaneity is your middle name, ESFP, and that extends to keeping your schedule wide open for serendipitous meetings with new love interests. You’d rather keep your options open than commit to someone, and if things do start to get serious, your FOMO might just get the best of you. You're afraid that if you commit, you'll miss out on other opportunities and end up feeling trapped. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being picky.
Just know that FOMO can be an illusion, and there is often not greener grass on the other side.
ISTJ: You're convinced that no one gets you.
While you may not believe you’re the most unique person in the world, you do believe most people just aren’t on your planet, ISTJ. While you may possess a degree of humility regarding your own uniqueness, you are convinced that a significant portion of the population operates on a fundamentally different wavelength than you do. Your systematic, procedural approach to life means you function best in your own environment, on your own terms and away from people who don’t “click.” They’re either partiers, ne’er-do-wells or bores, so who wants ‘em anyway.
This inclination reflects a strong need for order, predictability and intellectual connection in your social interactions, leading you to prioritize environments and relationships that reinforce these values. This can become a self-reinforcing cycle of singledom.
ESTJ: Your unsolicited advice isn't the love potion you think it is.
Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to lecture your last date about how they could improve their lifestyle or career. But you can’t help yourself, can you, ESTJ?
The desire to guide and support others is a strong driving force in your life, often taking precedence over everything else. You’re so set on helping and leading others that you forget love is more about roses than a resume. Oops. Also, most people can find this sort of thing unbelievably annoying and overbearing in the early dating stage.
ISTP: You’re basically a robot with a wrench.
Your mechanical brain is a major strength, ISTP. But when it comes to matters of the heart, you sometimes confuse being a human with being a highly efficient emotion-dodging robot. Your idea of a romantic evening might involve explaining the mechanics of their recent car trouble while your date pleads with you to “Just say how you feel!” Time to loosen up and let your emotions roam free.
ESTP: You think love is better when it's a game.
You love to flirt and get a thrill out of the chase, but once you’ve caught your prey, you have trouble staying interested, ESTP. It’s not because they’re boring; it’s just that now they’re not a challenge. Honestly, when we say it like that, you sound the worst! But it’s really that you like to go, go, go and seek as much adventure as you can. The fun ends once it starts getting too serious. YOLO, right? A relationship can wait. But maybe you can find a partner who enjoys the same adventure?
So there you have it, why each of the Myers & Briggs types might struggle with finding the one. We told you it might be tough to hear it, but we hope it’s useful in bringing awareness to the traits that might be driving your relationship patterns. Navigating the complexities of modern romance can be a bear, but understanding one's own personality type, can be a start.
