Are You Suffering From Golden Child Syndrome?

From the outside looking in, your life looks pretty perfect. You’ve got a great career, a buzzing social life, and you’re fit and healthy. 

But as the saying goes, looks can be deceiving. Beneath the surface, you feel a deep sense of unhappiness. You feel anxious about your choices, unfulfilled in the career and relationships you’ve built for yourself—and guilty for feeling all of the above.  

Sound like you? Then you might have a case of Golden Child Syndrome.

What is Golden Child Syndrome?

Golden Child Syndrome is a term that describes a cohort of people who, despite appearing to have it all together, silently struggle with their mental health as adults. These individuals are typically high achievers, yet battle internally with low mood, anxiety and self-doubt.

While there may be many reasons why a person's outside appearance doesn't match their internal reality, your upbringing may play a significant role in shaping who you are today. As Dr. Marianna Strongin, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Founder of Strong In Therapy, explains, adults with Golden Child Syndrome typically come from families that “consciously and unconsciously expect them to be exceptional, and validate and praise their successes.” 

At first glance, it might sound great to have parents who believe in your capabilities and talents. And in healthy doses, it is. The problem arises when parental expectations are sky-high and unrealistic. 

“Golden Child Syndrome often arises when parents view one child as their "best chance" at success, seeing them as a way to elevate the family’s reputation within their social circles or community,” explains Rachel Goldberg, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. “Parents may project their unfulfilled dreams onto this child, expecting them to excel in areas they themselves had hoped to achieve.” 

So, for example,  if your parents always dreamed of becoming a doctor but never had the opportunity, they may expect you to become a doctor and put immense pressure on you to do so. And while their intentions are far from malicious, the weight of these expectations can severely damage a person's sense of identity and self-esteem.

“These parents teach a child that, in order to make them happy and proud, they must be successful and exceptional, leaving little room for exploration and the ability to make mistakes,” Dr. Strongin says. 

The Symptoms of Golden Child Syndrome 

If the descriptions above take you back to your childhood years—perhaps even the relationship you have with your parents now—it’s quite possible that you have Golden Child Syndrome. But to really tell, here are the symptoms to know about: 

Feeling like something is missing

Because adults with Golden Child Syndrome feel so much external pressure to achieve, they can lose touch with their values and what truly matters to them. As Dr. Strongin explains, these individuals are taught to be “extrinsically motivated rather than intrinsically motivated." They often don’t truly know what they want or like because they’ve been conditioned to do things for others to maintain their “golden status.” As a result, they feel a fundamental disconnect—like something is missing—although they’re not quite sure what it is. 

Hidden burnout 

As well as feeling unfulfilled, people with Golden Child Syndrome are also likely to experience consistent overwhelm and burnout, which they hide from the people around them. “Individuals who come to therapy may seem to have it all together, but are deeply burnt out from maintaining a picture-perfect image,” Goldberg says. “They often feel like they have to portray themselves as the stable, accomplished one, all while feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and lonely due to hiding their distress.”

Minimizing problems

Many “Golden Adults” will avoid acknowledging their emotions altogether. Since they were taught that love and approval depend on meeting others’ expectations, admitting their own struggles can feel too vulnerable—even unacceptable. “People with Golden Child syndrome may be less likely to seek help because they are programmed to achieve rather than simply ‘try’,” says Dr. Strongin. “They struggle when they make mistakes and tend to be very hard on themselves when they make an error.”

However, failing to open up only makes things worse. They may find themselves trapped in a cycle where they feel bad for feeling bad—when, in reality, allowing themselves to talk about their emotions would be incredibly healing.

The Golden Opportunity for “Golden” Adults

Living with Golden Child Syndrome is undoubtedly hard work. It can zap the joy out of life, and leave you feeling chronically anxious and burned out. 

Luckily, it doesn't have to be this way. By taking the following steps, you can break free of Golden Child Syndrome and start living life on your own terms. 

Realize you have the power to shift your mindset

Realizing you have Golden Child Syndrome can bring up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings about your relationship with your parents. But Goldberg stresses that it’s important not to start playing the blame game. “While it can be helpful to understand the origins of these patterns, blaming family dynamics won't change the current situation,” she explains. Instead, it’s essential to focus on what you can control—your present mindset and behavior.

“Acknowledge and accept that you contribute to your own angst,” she suggests. “By continuing to present yourself as having it all together while struggling to let others see your flaws, you're perpetuating the behavior.”

Find your voice

Next up, it’s time to let go of your parents’ expectations and discover what truly matters to you. “It's important to develop a kind, forgiving and curious inner voice,” says Dr. Strongin. “Those who believe they have been raised as a golden child need space to hear their own voice and create an inner relationship that is not rooted in how other people feel.”

Of course, figuring out who you truly are after years of living up to someone else’s vision isn’t easy, but there are tools to help you find your way. Taking a personality test like Typefinder or Enneagram is a simple but insightful first step to help you understand what's going on in your own mind.

Learn to let down your guard

Perhaps the hardest thing for Golden Adults to do is learn that you don’t need to be perfect at everything they do. Growing up, you were conditioned to believe that mistakes were to be avoided at all costs—but perfectionism, in excess, is toxic. True happiness often lies in letting go of the need to have it all figured out. 

“Vulnerability is key to fostering deeper connections and improving your well-being,” says Goldberg. Your imperfections are part of what makes you human, just like everyone else. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable and share your struggles, you open the door to more meaningful connections and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

So, instead of exhausting yourself trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, try turning that energy inward. When you focus on nurturing your authentic self, life will take on a new—dare we say—golden hue.